(TW: Discussion of drug addiction)
Nakano gave Kei's hand a squeeze, and took a very deep breath. She released it slowly, turning to face out over the water. Kei watched her, keeping her hand in his, still rubbing small circles on the back of it with his thumb as he waited for her to find the words she needed.
"Kei, I told you about how, when I first came home from the hospital after my accident, my family tried to get me to accept my condition...to learn to live with being in a wheelchair for the rest of my life," she began.
"Mhmmm," he hummed as he nodded, "but you came to the conclusion that you couldn't do that."
"Yes," she whispered, "but I didn't really tell you how I got to that conclusion. That's...that part of the story is what I think I need to share with you today."
"Roses," he began, his voice soft, "you don't have to share anything you're not..."
"I know Kei," she turned to face him, the wind off the ocean blowing her hair back, "but...I feel like I need to tell you. I'm just...this is something I've never shared with anyone before. My family has guessed parts of it...and of course some of my doctors have to know parts of it...but no one knows all of it except me. And now I need to tell you. Because you need to know...to decide if...if someone like me..."
Kei knew that nothing he said in response to the way she was thinking would help. He simply gave the girl's hand a squeeze and smiled a soft smile at her, letting her know he was ready to hear anything she wanted to tell him.
Another deep breath of the crisp, salt sea air filled Nakano. As she released it, she began, turning once again to face the ocean. "So, after my accident, I was completely unconscious for a full week, at least, from what I can tell."
Kei flinched. He'd had no idea it had been that bad. When she'd told Oikawa she was lying in a hospital half-dead, he'd thought that was hyperbole. Apparently, the accident had come a lot closer to taking her life than he'd thought...and that knowledge made him want to hold her close to him at once. He took a deep breath too, trying to stay calm.
"Once I was awake, I spent another five weeks in the hospital. I don't remember the surgery I'd had at all. The very first thing I remember is waking up and seeing Mom and Dad staring at me, crying. I had been, all things considered, pretty lucky. My legs took the brunt of the impact. From what the doctors said, the driver must have slammed on the brakes just before impact, and the front end of the car caught me square on the legs. My body hit the hood and windshield of the car as a secondary impact, leaving me pretty battered and bruised, but my legs had been broken to bits. If I worked at it, I might be able to remember all the broken bones and the torn tendons and ligaments, and whatever else they said, but I don't think you want to hear about that. Suffice to say that, at that time, my legs were basically useless. They'd done what needed to be done so that I could eventually get into a wheelchair, but nothing more."
Kei knew that she would have had no trouble listing off the exact injuries if he'd asked her to. She knew them all, he was quite certain. But he had no need to hear the list, nor did he wish to make her relive it. Her voice had flattened into something cold, almost detached, as she spoke of her state following the accident. She had become preternaturally calm, while he was becoming more agitated by the second as his mind conjured up images to match the words coming from her. He found himself squeezing her hand very tightly; he willed himself to relax, knowing that at some point, she would likely need to rely on him to provide her with the strength to continue.
"The doctors said there was some damage to the nerves in my legs, but for the most part, they were okay. This turned out to be a blessing and a curse. A blessing, because eventually, it would make the recovery I've achieved possible. A curse, because once I was conscious, I began to feel the pain."
"Oh, Roses," he breathed out, not even able to imagine what that must have been like.
"I was a tangled mess of IVs and things at first, since I hadn't been able to eat or anything, so when I said it hurt, they just started adding things to the IVs that made the pain go away. Someone would ask me every once in a while how I was feeling, and I would tell them what hurt, and then more stuff would go into me and the pain would recede. I slept a lot for the first week, even after I regained consciousness, because they were working to get the pain medication balanced out."
Kei watched Nakano's face as she spoke. She wouldn't look at him, but he could see her jaw working as she tried to keep her voice level. His eyes were beginning to fill as he listened to her. His arms ached to hold her, to soothe away the memories of the pain in soft, gentle touches. But he knew it wasn't time yet. That there was much more to this.
"The next month was spent getting me to the point where I could eat solid food, and swallow pain pills. And move around in the wheelchair. The only people I saw were doctors, nurses, and my family. Oikawa texted to break up with me, and Tobio texted to say he wanted to come visit but my parents insisted he wait until I was home. I don't know why they wouldn't let him come see me. Maybe if they had, things would have been different." She paused for a moment, as if trying to solve the equation of her life with a Tobio-visits-me-in-the-hospital term added to it. She shook her head to clear it of the might-have-beens, and went on with what actually happened. "When I was left alone, which wasn't actually all that often, I tried to read to keep my mind off how much things hurt. That was when I started The Lord of the Rings. Dad brought it for me. It was hard to concentrate on it, though. The pain in my legs was bad enough, but then there was the pain of Oikawa telling me everything I thought we were was a lie, and the pain of not being able to see Tobio, and worst of all, the pain of hearing everyone around me telling me that this was going to be my life now. There was a lot of pain of all different kinds, and the medication helped, but not enough. Sleep was pretty good, except for the nightmare, but they didn't want me to keep sleeping all the time, so I was allowed less and less of that as the month went on. All in all, I decided I'd better start trying to accept it all, because I had absolutely nowhere to go to hide from it."
How in the hell did you survive that, Kei thought, the first tear making its way down his cheek. He dashed the rest of them away with the hand that wasn't still clinging to Nakano's. Suddenly, something struck him. She hadn't mentioned one thing that he knew, with complete certainty, would happen to him if he'd been in some kind of accident. "Didn't any of your team contact you? Surely your teammates texted you at least?"
"No. I haven't spoken to any of them since the accident happened. But it isn't their fault. I know exactly why they have never contacted me. I'm sure the school insisted on it."
"The school? Why would Kitagawa First care if..."
"And here's the first thing that I'm going to tell you that no one knows. Well, that's not true. Lots of other people know. They just don't know that I know." Nakano continued to stare directly out at the ocean, but a tear slid slowly down her cheek. "The person driving the car that hit me was our team's assistant coach."
Kei's mouth dropped open in a silent scream. He covered his open mouth with his free hand after a moment, trying hard not to to give voice to his own feelings of pain, of anger, of sorrow. To have a coach, someone you trust so implicitly, be responsible for something like this, Kei thought, his mind trying to wrap itself around the idea. He suddenly realized that his own feelings of being betrayed by his brother were but a small echo of what Nakano had to feel about that coach. He shook his head, unable to contemplate the idea for too long. He instinctively tugged on the hand he was holding, trying to draw her into him. She resisted.
"Kei," she said thickly, "I know you want to help, but there's a lot more I need to say. If I let you hold me now...I'll never get it out. Please, I want to hold you too, you've no idea how much..." Her voice broke slightly.
He settled himself, returning to the calming motion of rubbing his thumb on the back of her hand. After yet another deep breath, he asked, "How do you know?"
"I saw her," she said, her voice incredibly small. "The image of her face through the windshield is the last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital." She paused again, and Kei watched her swallow thickly. "When I eventually returned to Kitagawa First, she wasn't there anymore. No one would talk about her. Based on what I've overheard my parents talk about, the school quietly dismissed her, told everyone involved with girls' volleyball not to speak me, and begged my parents not to sue them. Mom and Dad wanted to send me to a different middle school, but I refused. I insisted on going back to Kitagawa First, hoping to reconnect with Tobio. But, that's a different story."
Silence fell for a short while. Kei reached into the rucksack and pulled out a strawberry soda, still not letting go of Nakano's hand. He held it out to the girl. After a long moment, she noticed it and smiled softly, realizing that he couldn't open it without help, because he simply refused to let go of her hand. She took the soda and held it while he opened it, taking a long pull before handing it back to him and continuing her story.
"So about a month and a half after my accident, they sent me home. I had a book full of appointments with both doctors and therapists, a lot of pain medication, both my legs in casts, and no idea what I was going to do. I'd turned 13 while in the hospital, and came home to discover that my birthday present from my family was that my room had been moved downstairs, and a bathroom had been added on for me. Everything was...wrong. I came home, and instead of feeling like I was finally back in familiar territory, everything seemed even more out of place. The only thing that made it bearable was that my dad practically moved into the room with me. He spent all day every day with me, trying to help get everything settled so that I felt comfortable. That lasted for a week. And then, he had to go back to sea. And I was left with Mom and Amalie to try to put some kind of life back together."
"Two months. For two months I lived in that room. Mom wouldn't let me go out for anything except medical appointments. I begged her to let me at least come out for meals and use my wheelchair around the house, or I would never get used to it. It took me a week and a half to convince her. After a month, I was begging to be allowed to go back to school, but Mom wouldn't have it. I guess it wouldn't really have worked anyway, I had so many doctor appointments I'd have missed like every other day even if I had gone back. But I was really trying to find some way to make a life again, you know? But it was so hard. The pain, both physical and mental, was always there. The pills I had could blunt it, reduce it, but they didn't take it away. The school sent work for me, and I tried to do that as best I could. Amalie helped, of course, and that at least gave me something to do. I had books, I watched shows, I listened to music...but none of it was enough to drive out the pain."
She ran her free hand through her hair. Kei could feel her beginning to tremble as he held her other hand.
"And then Tobio-chan came to visit for the first time. I was so excited. I wanted to see him so badly. But when the day came, it was a bad one. I was really hurting, and as soon as he saw me, he looked terrified. He couldn't even really look at me. I didn't know at the time that Oikawa had been pouring poison in his ear, of course, making him afraid to come see me at all. And I have no idea if anyone other than Oikawa had prepared him for what he was going to see. I just remember that seeing him look so afraid of me...well...it broke me. He stayed for only a short while, and then left. And I went into my room and didn't come out. I'd just been handed a new pain, and it was too much. I decided I had to do something to stop all the pain I was feeling. Maybe, if I hadn't been feeling so much pain, Tobio might not have been so afraid of me."
Kei felt his heart clutch. He remembered Kageyama talking about what Nakano had been like after her accident, and he'd been shocked to hear it then. Now, he wondered if the King had any idea just how bad it had really been for Nakano.
In that strange way they had of knowing each other's thoughts, Nakano looked at him. "Tobio doesn't know any of this. I've never told him, and I never will, because I don't want him to know the role he played, however accidental, in what happened. He doesn't deserve that."
Kei nodded, squeezing her hand again. Kageyama would never hear about any of this from him. She continued on. "Because you see, two days after Tobio's visit, I came to the conclusion that clearly the pain medication they were giving me wasn't enough. There was still too much pain. Now, my Mom made sure I took my meds twice a day, as the doctors had instructed. But she kept the bottle of pills in my room, so it would always be easy to give them to me. So on that day, after I came to my decision, I decided to take another pill, to see if more of the medication would take the pain away."
"And I was amazed to discover it worked. The pain evaporated. Everything evaporated. I felt...soft. Dreamy. Disconnected from everything. I thought, maybe I found the solution." Her voice cracked again, and tears began to flow down her cheeks. "And now, things get a little weird, because I got a little weird. You see, I started taking another pill any time I felt any pain. Mental, physical, whatever. If I hurt, I took another pill. I spent more and more time just...sitting. I began to lose track of time. Days blended into one another, and I had trouble remembering things because I was so dissociated from everything. But even that didn't matter, because anytime anything bothered me, I just popped another pill in my mouth, and before long, I didn't care, because all I felt was the floating, nothing feeling that had become my only solace."
"So I kept on doing it. Soon, I was able to manage decent periods of functionality - enough to keep up with some schoolwork, talk to therapists and doctors - but most of the rest of the time, I was drugged up to the gills. I'm not entirely sure, because my memories of that period are hazy at best, but I think it went on for at least three or four months, because Tobio's first visit that I remember was in the winter, and the next time I remember him visiting I'm pretty sure it was springtime. But it's hard for me to say. In the course of that period of time, I think I worked my way up to taking more than double the amount of painkillers I was prescribed."
Kei couldn't help it this time, he gasped aloud, his eyes widening. "How...I mean, didn't your mother notice how quickly the pills were disappearing?"
Nakano's tears began to flow even faster. "Oh yes, she noticed. In one of my lucid moments, I remember overhearing her talking to the doctor about it. He advised her not to worry. That as long as I was calm then I was obviously doing what my..." her breathing hitched in a deep sob, "...what my...body...needed!" She finally burst, sobbing intensively. "They decided it was better for me to be doped up..." A strangled, garbled noise escaped her. She could no longer speak.
Kei couldn't stop himself any longer. He wrapped his arms around the girl, letting her cry it out. His own emotions were a painful jumble of sorrow that she'd had to go through such a thing alone, rage at the doctors who decided letting a 13-year-old self-medicate was a good idea, and deep gratitude that somehow she'd survived it all. After a time, she patted his leg, sitting up and away from him. He handed her a handkerchief from his pocket and she cleaned herself up, turning once again to face out to sea as she spoke.
"So...Tobio came to visit me in the spring. I'd been back to school a couple of times by then, as we'd started our second year of middle school, but honestly I was trying to avoid it, because it meant being away from the pills, and sometimes that got downright awful. It was a decent day, and I actually remember talking with him about schoolwork and video games. He stayed for a while, and I remember thinking that it was nice to talk to him, but he needed to go soon so I could take another pill. And then he said something that shocked me. He was gathering up his things to go when he told me it was so nice to see me like this, instead of the way I was the last time. I said that a lot had changed for me since the winter. And then he said that he meant the last time he'd visited, a month ago. He said I'd just sat there, saying words that didn't make much sense and smiling vaguely. He was glad that I seemed to be more awake this time. And then he left."
Tears were sliding down her cheeks again. "Kei, he'd been to visit me, and I'd been drugged out of my mind. I still have no memory of that visit. But that day was when I realized that if I couldn't even remember the person I considered to be my best friend coming to visit me, what the hell kind of life was I living? I went into my room, and began reading about what painkillers can do to the body and the mind when you take them for a long time. And that...that day was when..." Her voice was shaking. She took a deep breath and held it for a moment.
"That was when I realized that I was 13 years old and addicted to painkillers. I was a drug addict."
Kei froze at her words. Drug addict, he thought, is that really how she sees herself? He looked at her, seeing her head bowed, strawberry blonde hair hiding her face which he didn't need to see to know was coated in shame. He saw her hands in her lap, fingers working spastically, twisting around themselves so unlike the smooth, confident motions her hands made as a setter. Anger blossomed hot and tight in his chest again. What kind of doctor lets a young girl get to that point? He wanted to scream his frustration at the sky, but he knew that wouldn't help. Come on Roses, he thought, yes, this is the low point of the story, but it doesn't end here. I've got to get her to keep going. "So," he prompted her, reaching into her lap and taking her hand again, "what did you do?"
At his touch, which was so gentle, she turned her face to him. She hesitantly looked into his golden honey eyes, starting when she saw such tenderness in them. He saw a sudden flash of hope in her bright blue eyes, and she began to speak again. "I decided that day that I was going to get my real life back. I didn't want to keep going on the way I was. I knew that meant two things. One, I had to stop taking the painkillers, and find a new way to deal with the pain. Two, I had to get myself back to the way I was before it all happened. I had to get my legs working again, and I had to play volleyball. That was the only way forward that I could see."
Kei's eyes widened. "Did you just...stop...cold turkey?"
Nakano gave voice to a harsh laugh. "I tried. But I couldn't do it. I made it five hours and gave in again. I decided to try backing off slowly, hoping that I could convince my body to give them up. It took me a full month to do it. I started by forcing myself to find other ways to distract myself from the mental pain. I learned a lot about how the body responds to pain, and how you can trick yourself into ignoring it. I started using music, reading, physical exercise, anything I could to help me shunt the pain away, to put it aside and lose myself in something else other than the drugs. I also learned a lot about withdrawal symptoms, the hard way. I was pretty sick for two straight days as I started to decrease the number of pills I was taking, but I guess I was lucky. It got better, and easier, after that."
Once again, sudden insight flooded through Kei. Pink Floyd, he thought, the complete emptiness that music allowed her to achieve must have been a breakthrough. And Metallica, for when she needed to vent the anger that she must have felt, probably at herself. She never gets angry at the people who deserve it. A second thought struck him, almost making him laugh aloud, as more pieces of the puzzle that was Nakano fell into place. I always thought her intense response to her teammates getting injured was traceable to how much she cares about us, and I'm sure some of it is that, he realized, but it's also because she knows that when you're really dedicated to something, you can train yourself to ignore any pain. She had to do it, so she knows that we might do the same thing, just to stay on the court. He looked at her with eyes now opened wider to her view of the world. She knows that even small injuries can become disasters if you ignore them, so she refuses to give us that option. She's completely dedicated to making sure no one she cares about ever has to go through what she did. No wonder everyone on the team cares about her so much, so instinctively. It's just a part of who she is, and we all respond to it.
"That was also when I started telling Mom and Amalie that I couldn't go on the way I'd been going. That I needed another option - a way to get my legs working again. A way to get back on the court. To be who I was before the accident. I threw myself into it, because it was the only way I could see out of the world I'd become trapped in. And I never wanted to go back to being the way I was when Tobio visited me and I didn't even know it."
Silence fell between them once again. Nakano pulled her hand away from Kei, covering her face with both hands and groaning. She ran both hands through her hair, lifting her face to the breeze coming off the ocean. Her eyes and cheeks were wet, and Kei could see the flush that had come to her face.
"So now, you are the only other one who knows. Mom knew I was taking more pills, of course, but I don't know if she really understands how bad it got. Amalie might have guessed, I suppose, but unless Mom told him, Dad doesn't know. Certainly none of them have ever asked me about it or discussed the fact that the youngest child of our family is...a recovering addict." A slight pause before the last three words told Kei that she still felt ashamed of what had happened. "When we started working with the new doctors, I insisted that any medication for pain be as minimal as possible and used for as little time as possible, because I'd had a 'bad experience' with that in my previous treatment." She snorted at her own description. "I'm reasonably sure that Dr. Ishigami could figure out what that meant, especially after he saw how long I'd been taking the painkillers." She paused, her eyes trying to slide to him, but then glancing away, as if she were afraid of what she might see. When she spoke, her voice was barely a whisper. "But you are the only one who knows all of it, from my perspective. How...how weak I really I am. How I let myself become..." She gasped in, beginning to sob again. "...so damn weak...so useless..." She knuckled the tears from her eyes, staring out into the ocean once more. "So...knowing what I am, I will totally understand if you don't want to be my boy..."
Kei gave forth a burst of laughter before she could finish that sentence. "God, I love you." He startled himself with those words. Well, there it is, he thought, I guess this was the perfect time. If ever she needed to hear it, it was now. "I love you so much, Nakano. You really think that I'd hear that story and think you were weak?" He laughed again. "Of course you would, because I swear you and I are so alike in that regard. Did you really think hearing something like that would make me love you less? You're such an idiot, but I'm so grateful you're my idiot. Did you think I would leave you after I knew?" He scoffed. "Nakano, everything you are, everything I love about you, all came to be because of what you've lived through. So there's nothing, nothing at all, in your past that could ever make me love you less. In fact, after hearing that story, I only love you more."
He looked up to see her staring wide-eyed and open-mouthed at him. The look on her face was a strange amalgam of shock, joy, hope, and fear. He couldn't help but smile at her confusion. "You...you love me?" she whispered.
He laughed again, gathering her into his arms. "Shall I say it again? I love you. I love you, Nakano." He kissed her resoundingly on the lips. "I love you. Does that convince you?" His smile was the biggest one she'd ever seen on his face, though still rather small by most people's standards.
"Uh...maybe convince me a little more?" she said, a mix of hesitancy and coyness in her voice.
He chuckled. "I..." a kiss, "...love..." another kiss, "...you." He held her tightly, breathing deeply, smelling her rosy scent mixed with the salty air. "I promise it, Roses, I really, really do love you."
"I love you too, Kei," she breathed out, tears falling onto his shoulder, "I love you so very much. I was so afraid...I thought that..."
"Shhhh. I know what you thought. And you were so wrong. And not just about whether or not I would still want you in my life. There's no way I will give you up; I never thought I'd find someone like you, and I'm quite sure I never will again. You aren't weak, Roses. In fact, I can't believe how strong you are. To have made your way through something like that, alone, at such a young age...to see how far you've come since then..." He wrapped the girl in his arms again, stroking her hair, "I am amazed at how incredible you are. I'm so sorry you had to go through so much feeling so alone. And I'm so angry at those so-called doctors who put you through it all." She turned in his embrace, facing out towards the sea again, with him holding her from behind. "Roses, I can't imagine how hard this was for you. And I'm so thankful that you shared it with me. You don't have to bear these things alone anymore. I love you, and I'm here to help you. Please, don't be afraid to tell me things, Naka-chan."
She stiffened, and he knew in that instant there was more, but not for today. He gave her a gentle squeeze, rubbing his hands up and down her arms, relaxing his body to encourage her to relax as well. Slowly, it worked, and Nakano sank gently into the arms of her boyfriend. They sat, once again just listening to the sounds of the ocean. When he'd calmed himself a little, Kei spoke softly into Nakano's ear.
"Remember I told you about Akiteru's high school volleyball career, and how he was benched?"
"Mhmmm," she hummed, waiting for the rest of the story he'd begun with her so long ago.
"Well, what I didn't tell you before was that, all through his high school years, he told me he was the ace of his team, just like he was in middle school. I was so proud of him. I looked up to him, Nakano, and I wanted to be like him. I would always ask to come watch him play, but he would say that he was too afraid I'd make him all nervous." He paused, drawing a deep breath, feeling this more deeply than he expected he would. "It was Akiteru's last high school game, and I still hadn't gotten to see him play. Yamaguchi and I snuck in to watch it, because this kid in my middle school said his brother was on the Karasuno team, and that there wasn't a Tsukishima in the starting lineup. I was so mad, I knew my brother was the ace. And then...then..." His voice began to break. He stopped, taking a shaky breath.
Nakano hugged his arms as he held her. "Was he in the bullpen?" she asked.
"No," he croaked out. "There were so many extra players, he wasn't even on the floor at all. He was in the stands, cheering the team on. I...I couldn't believe it. It was so pathetic. He'd been...lying the whole time." Kei's voice dropped to a whisper, and Nakano could hear the tears he was crying in his voice. "He'd lied to me the whole time. And I believed him. I looked up to him. How much more pathetic could I be?"
Nakano turned to face him, holding him tight, now giving him the chance to cry it all out. "Why? Why did he have to lie to me? I was so proud of him for being the ace...and it was all just a lie. Why would he do that? How could he be so cruel?"
Nakano waited, just holding him and letting him get his anger and tears out. When he finally calmed down, sobs reduced to mere sniffles, she spoke. "Kei, from what I know of Akiteru, I can't believe he was deliberately trying to hurt you. In fact, I imagine this happened because he was trying so very hard not to let you down. Try to put yourself in his shoes, Kei. Fifteen years old, starting high school, hoping to become the ace of your new team...and knowing that your nine year old brother idolizes you. Looks up to you. Wants to be like you. Can you understand why he might not have been able to bring himself to tell you the truth? Especially at first. He probably believed he could work his way up to being the ace. But once you start a lie like that...well...that would only make him more afraid that if he told you the truth, you'd hate him for it. He got caught in his own self-fulfilling prophecy, just like you almost did."
"And here I am sobbing over it all these years later. I'm still so damn pathetic. What you went through was real, this is just..."
"Shut up, idiot." Kei looked up at her, shocked at her tone. "What you went through is just as real, and just as painful. More so, in some ways. I was hurt physically by someone I never have to see again. You were hurt emotionally by someone you love, and who loves you. That's a lot harder to deal with, in many, many ways." And in that instant, she had her own moment of sudden understanding. This is why he was so afraid to start a relationship with me, she thought. He'd been hurt by someone he loved so much, he was scared to let anyone else in, or they might hurt him too. My gosh, he's so incredibly brave, to have taken this risk while still carrying that burden.
Kei stared at the girl, considering all she'd said so far. "I...I guess there was a lot of pressure on Akiteru..." He thought back to the tears Akiteru had cried, how he'd torn apart all his volleyball things in his despair after Kei had found out the truth. How much his brother must have been hurting, knowing how badly he'd hurt Kei.
"Yeah. It's not an excuse, but maybe, it can help you understand why he made such a foolish decision. And maybe, that understanding can help you forgive him. Don't let this distance stay between you, Kei. Akiteru loves you, and I can see how much he regrets how estranged you are."
"I know. And, it's starting to get better, I think, thanks to you, Roses." He held her tightly. "Thank you."
"Thank you for sharing this with me, Kei," she replied, running her hand into his soft, blonde locks. "I love you, Kei, so much. I'm so sorry for what happened. But it's time to let it go. Learn from Akiteru's mistake. Stop punishing both him and yourself for it."
"I promise to try, Roses," he said, lying down on the blanket and putting his head in her lap. "I love it when you play with my hair," he murmured, nuzzling into her hand to encourage her to keep doing it. She chuckled, happily obliging him.
They stayed just so for a time, a comforting sense of peace washing over the couple. Each had been able to share a burden they'd carried for far too long, letting go of some of the weight they'd been dragging around. And they basked in the warmth of shared 'I love you's, spoken out loud for the very first time. At long last, however, Kei sat up, taking Nakano's hand in his.
"We should probably start heading back, hmm? It will be a long walk."
"There's a bus we can take that will shorten it a little. But yes, it's probably time we start making our way back home." They began to pack up their things, and prepare to climb down off the rock. Once everything was together, Nakano paused, looking out over the sea one last time. "Kei?"
"Hmmm?"
"Thank you. Thank you for being so brave, and letting me in. Thank you for loving me so much."
He took her in his arms once again as the incoming tide made the waves begin to send spray up on to the top of the rock. "Thank you, Roses. I love you." He kissed her then, a long, slow, sweet kiss. They lingered in it, until a tiny voice piped up.
"Mama, what are they doing up there?'
The couple stopped kissing, resting their foreheads against one another and chuckling softly as they heard the child's mother reply. "Being boyfriend and girlfriend, sweetie. Now come along so we don't disturb the moment." Smiling happily at one another, the pair made their way down off the rock, and back to the everyday world.
🏐🏐🏐
Tsukishima lay in his now un-bower-ed bed, feeling tired but not yet ready to sleep. It had been an amazing, incredible, emotional, exhausting weekend, and he'd never felt so happy in his life. At least not that he could remember. His mom had noticed as soon as he'd walked in the door, asking him what exactly had happened at the beach. He'd muttered something about having a nice time with Nakano and escaped to his room before she could trap him in a discussion. He thanked his lucky stars his brother was in Sendai at the moment. He really couldn't imagine himself telling his mother or brother he'd told his girlfriend he loved her for the first time, like some giggly schoolgirl sharing secrets with her friends.
And yet, he was bursting with it. He really, really wanted to tell someone. In fact, a part of him was harboring a mad fantasy of climbing up on the roof of his house and shouting about it, especially since he was pretty sure he'd be able to yell loud enough that Nakano would hear him. Kei kept smacking that ridiculous part of himself and telling it to shut up.
He also discovered that now having said it, he wanted to say it over and over again. It fell from his lips so easily now. He'd fought the urge to text it to Nakano at least five times already since saying it to her as he left her at her door. He was frankly shocked to discover this side of himself, and yet, like so many other things connected to the strawberry blonde girl, he relished it. Apparently, all this time, I've been a closet romantic, he realized, and now it seems I'm out, and I guess part of me wants everyone to know it.
He was about to text Nakano when his phone got a notification. His eyes lit up at what he found, and suddenly he was no longer tired, and doubly eager to text his lovely lady.
Kei
Roses, you awake?
Roses
I am indeed, love. What's up?
Kei burst into a smile at the sight of his apparent new nickname.
Kei
Please call me that all the time.
Roses
Your wish is my command, love, though I do reserve the right to still call you gorgeous when the mood strikes. So...did you just want me to tell you I love you again, or...
Tsukishima winced at the fact that his heart skipped a beat when he read her text. Yes, he thought, originally, that was all I was going for.
Kei
Well, that and...are you familiar with Centimillimental?
Roses
GIVEN IS AWESOME!!! *ahem* I mean, yes, I love Centimillimental. Why? 😉
Kei
Well, I just found out he's performing at The Play House in Tokyo on the third Saturday in October. I think we need to be there.
Roses
OMG you are very, very correct about that. What do we need to do? Buy tickets? Wait in line for hours? Bump somebody off? Whatever it is, I'm game.
Kei
LOL. Actually, I think the biggest hurdle will be where to stay in Tokyo. The show doesn't even start until 8pm, so I don't think we'll be able to go back home until Sunday.
Roses
Well...we do know some people in Tokyo...
Kei
Roses, you cannot be serious.
Roses
Complain about them all you want, Kei, but I know you like and even look up to both Kuroo and Bokuto. Besides, it'd be fun to have a bunch of us go to the concert together.
Kei
I will admit to occasionally thinking they are not entirely awful. Once in a very great while.
Roses
I will tell them how highly you think of them. You wanna ask them about that weekend or should I? I don't wanna miss out on this concert!
Kei
I'll ask Kuroo. Do we have to invite the entire Gym 3 Squad?
Roses
It would be a nice thing to do.
Kei
Even the Shrimp?
Roses
See my previous text.
Kei
Fine.
Roses
I can hear your huffed annoyed breath from here. 🤣
Kei
Hey Roses?
Roses
What is it love?
Kei
You know you're pretty much the strongest person I know, right? That weak simply doesn't apply to you. That what happened was not your fault, and that you have nothing to be ashamed of.
Kei frowned at his phone as he waited for the girl to reply. He knew she was trying to compose a text, and he knew why she was having trouble.
Kei
Roses, answer me. I love you, and that means you must be amazing, or I wouldn't do that. Because I would never be so lame as to love someone who was lame.
Roses
LOL I see. Ego much?
Kei
I don't lie Roses. So you'd better start believing it.
Roses
I'll try love.
Kei
How about I believe it for you until you can believe it for yourself. 😏
Roses
Damn, we are quite a pair, aren't we? Speaking of being amazing - you do know that you are as well, right? You are so brave - thank you for taking this chance with me, even after everything that happened to you.
Kei
What?
Roses
Kei, I know now why it was so hard for you to start a relationship with me. And yet, even in the face of having been so hurt by someone you love once before, you went for it. You trusted me, and I am forever grateful for that. You were amazingly brave to take that step.
Kei
Okay we need to stop all this because we're sounding like some second-rate teenage romance novel.
Roses
I object to second-rate. 😝
Kei
Really? That's all you object to?
Roses
Are we not teenagers? Is this not a romance? Do you not love me?
Kei
Never say that again. I love you Roses. Always.
Roses
I love you Kei. Let me know what Kuroo says.
Kei
Will do. 💖
Nakano was about to type a ridiculously long string of emojis, just to gently irritate her megane boyfriend, when a message popped up on the Crow Girls group chat.
Yachi
OMGOMGOMGOMG!
Nakano
Yachi? What's going on?
Yachi
I just ran into Yamaguchi at the grocery store!
Kiyoko
Aw, how fun!
Yachi
No no no that's not the good part!
Nakano
Spill it then girl!
Yachi
You know that Fall Festival that's happening in two weeks?
Nakano's eyes went wide. Did Tadashi step up and ask her already?
Kiyoko
Yes...
Yachi
Yamaguchi said he was going with Nakano and Tsukki and asked me if I wanted to come along with him!
Nakano
Alright! That's wonderful! You're gonna come with us, right?
Kiyoko
That's great Yachi!!
Yachi
Well yeah of course I said I'd love to go! It's always so much fun when we all hang out together! Should we invite Kageyama and Hinata too?
Nakano
No!
Kiyoko
NO!
Yachi
What? Why?
Nakano
Yachi, Yams asked you to come with him, right? Him, not us?
Yachi
Yeah...I think that's what he said...
Kiyoko
See, that's different than him asking you to go with a group. Tsukishima and Nakano are a couple. And now he's asking you to go with him...to make a second couple!
Nakano
So this is a double date!
Yachi
OMG DO YOU REALLY THINK SO??
Kiyoko
That's how I would see it.
Nakano
Absolutely.
Yachi
omg what do i do ive never been asked out on a date before and i said yes and i dont know what to wear and i what do if he wants to talk about something i dont know about HELP!!
Kiyoko
Yachi calm down. You guys all spent a day at the amusement park once, right?
Nakano
Yep! All the first years.
Kiyoko
Well, this is the next smaller group. Two first year couples. Hanging out at a festival. It'll be fun. And Nakano and Tsukishima will be there too, so don't worry if you don't always know what to say. Nakano will help you out I'm sure.
Nakano
You bet.
Yachi
Do you really think Yamaguchi thinks of this as a date? Do you really think he likes me?
Nakano
Well, I'm sure he likes you.
Yachi
Like likes me likes me? Or just likes me?
Nakano
Yachi what did that even mean? LOL
Kiyoko
Why don't you ask Yamaguchi, Yachi? Then you'll know what he thinks.
Nakano
Good point.
Yachi
I can't! What if he just wants a friend to go with so he doesn't feel like a third wheel.
Nakano
So? Friends would be good. That's how Tsukki and I started.
Yachi
Really?
Nakano
You bet. Why would I want to date someone I wouldn't want to be friends with?
Yachi
I guess that makes sense.
Nakano
And look at where we are now. We just told each other we love each other today.
Yachi
WHAT??
Kiyoko
SQUEEEEEE!!!
Nakano
Kiyoko-senpai, did you just squee? LOL
Kiyoko
Did he really say I love you?
Nakano
Yep. Multiple times. And so did I! It has been a glorious weekend.
Yachi
Wow, Naka-chan. That's so awesome. Congratulations!
Kiyoko
Quite the relationship milestone.
Nakano
Thanks. And Yachi, I'm happy for you. I think you and Yams will make an adorable couple.
Yachi
I hope so! I really do like him.
Kiyoko
If Naka-chan can get Tsukishima to say I love you, then anything is possible Yachi!
Yachi
LOL
Nakano
LOL Goodnight ladies! I'll see you tomorrow!
While Nakano was chatting with the Crow Girls, Tsukishima was about to text Kuroo when his phone also went off.
Tadashi
Hey Tsukki!
Kei
What is it Tadashi?
Tadashi
I think I just asked Yachi out.
Kei
You think? You don't know?
Tadashi
Well I mean I did ask her out. To the Fall Festival like we talked about. But I don't know if that counts as asking her out since I did tell her you guys were coming too.
Kei facepalmed. Of course it was asking her out you idiot, he thought, take some pride in that.
Kei
Did you ask her to come with you?
Tadashi
Uh yeah. I said I was going to the Fall Festival with you and Nakano, and did she want to come along with me.
Kei
Then you asked her out, Tadashi. What did she say?
Tadashi
She said yes!
Kei
Well there you go. You asked her out, she said yes. Congratulations, you're dating.
Tadashi
Wait, what?
Kei
Isn't that how it works? You ask, she says yes, you go out? I'm pretty sure that's dating.
Tadashi
Do you think she thinks it's a date?
Kei
Why are you asking me that? Shouldn't you be asking Yachi?
Tadashi
Yeah no I don't think I can ask her that.
Kei
Is that so much harder than asking her to go out with you in two weeks?
Tadashi
Okay well yeah you've got a point Tsukki.
Kei
Look Tadashi, it doesn't really matter what you call it. Just spend time with her and see how you feel.
Tadashi
Like you and Nakano, huh?
Kei
Hey Tadashi?
Tadashi
Is something wrong Tsukki?
Kei
I told Nakano I love her today.
Tadashi
WHAT?
Kei
Do I need to type it again Tadashi?
Tadashi
What did she say?
Kei
She said she loves me too, of course.
Tadashi
OMG Tsukki that's awesome! You guys are so amazing together! Congratulations!
Kei
Shut up Yamaguchi. It's not like we're getting married.
Tadashi
Not yet anyway Tsukki. 😏
Kei kept his words in his usual sassy tone, but if Yamaguchi could have seen his face, he wouldn't have recognized him. The smile he wore was brilliant and he almost - almost! - shook with excitement as he shared the moment with his best friend. Okay this is crazy, he thought, I am way too excited about sharing this with him. His smile softened as he thought about Yamaguchi and Yachi starting their own relationship journey. Good luck my friend, he mused, I hope it works out as well for you as it has for me.
Nakano, meanwhile, decided that she should probably also share the news with her best friend.
Queen Setter 🏐
Tobio-chan? You still up?
My Big Bro 🤗
Naka-chan is everything okay?
Queen Setter 🏐
It's actually pretty incredible and that's why I wanted to share it with you.
My Big Bro 🤗
Oh? Share what?
Queen Setter 🏐
Look, you're my big brother so I know you might not feel about this the way I do, but you're also my best friend so I really want to tell you.
My Big Bro 🤗
Naka-chan what is going on?
Queen Setter 🏐
So something really special happened between me and Kei and I want to tell you, but I don't want to weird you out or anything, or have you get upset.
My Big Bro 🤗
Oh shit. Naka-chan, please tell me it isn't that.
Queen Setter 🏐
What?
My Big Bro 🤗
Oh no. No it's not worse is it? Did it already happen?
Queen Setter 🏐
Tobio what the hell are we talking about?
My Big Bro 🤗
Oh shit. Shit. You are, aren't you? Naka-chan are you gonna keep it?
Queen Setter 🏐
Keep what? Tobio what is going on in your head?
My Big Bro 🤗
I'm gonna help you Naka-chan. We're gonna get you through it all, and that four-eyed bastard is gonna take responsibility for what he's done.
It finally struck Nakano what her best friend was talking about.
Queen Setter 🏐
TOBIO YOU IDIOT I AM NOT PREGNANT!
My Big Bro 🤗
Oh my gosh I'm so glad. So what are we talking about then?
Queen Setter 🏐
OMG Tobio you're insane. How many times do I have to tell you we are not having sex! No one is going to get pregnant! Ugh. I just wanted to share a nice moment with you. Stupid overprotective brother immediately thinking the worst every time!
My Big Bro 🤗
I'm sorry Naka-chan. Damn. Don't tell that salty ass about this - I promised him I wasn't going to think the worst of him and upset you like this anymore. I'm really sorry.
She couldn't help it. She busted out laughing. Tobio making a promise like that to Tsukishima was like a cat promising a mouse it wouldn't chase it. It simply wasn't going to be something he was going to be able to live up to. But he was trying - they both were - to make her happy.
My Big Bro 🤗
Naka-chan? I really am sorry. I promise I'll do better. I'll really work at it. Please don't be mad.
Queen Setter 🏐
Tobio-chan I'm not mad. I'm laughing my ass off because you're so sweet. I know you're trying, and I'll keep your secret so Kei won't give you any grief.
My Big Bro 🤗
Thanks. Now, what were you trying to tell me about? Something good happened?
Queen Setter 🏐
Kei and I said I love you to each other for the first time this weekend. It meant a lot to me, and made me really happy, so I wanted to share that with you.
Kageyama groaned. This still gets me, every time they do something else all sweet and romantic like this, it makes me want to smack him, he thought. But Nakano's really happy, so that's what really counts. I guess I really am her overprotective brother, he chuckled to himself, but I gotta admit, it makes me feel good that she wanted to share that with me.
My Big Bro 🤗
How sappy and romantic and as your big brother I'm so grossed out because he's not good enough for you. But then again no one ever could be, in my eyes. So I'm really glad you're happy Naka-chan. I hope he always makes you this happy.
Queen Setter 🏐
Thanks Big Bro. Hugs for me tomorrow? 🤗
My Big Bro 🤗
Any time, anywhere, Little Sis. See ya tomorrow. 🤗🤗🤗
Queen Setter 🏐
Oooh three of them! I'm gonna collect on that, ya know.
My Big Bro 🤗
Do it, Naka-chan. Night.
Queen Setter 🏐
Night Tobio-chan.
Nakano was about to set her phone aside when another text came in, this one making her gasp aloud.
Dad 💕
Hey Little Warrior! I just wanted to let you know that everything is all set for the end of this month. Kimura-san will expect you on the 28th. It will be a bit of a whirlwind trip, but I hope you and your adoring young man will enjoy it. I'll send all the details along separately once I have a chance - but I wanted you to know that your trip is a go! Love you!
Nakano squealed with delight, both to hear from her father and to see that he was able to make the special plan she had for Kei's birthday come to life. She texted back excitedly.
Queen Setter 🏐
Thank you Dad! You're so awesome! I can't wait for you to come home and meet Kei yourself. I love you and miss you! Please come home safe soon! 💕💕💕
Since the subject of Kei's birthday had come up, Nakano decided to check in on the other plans she'd been working on. If she had her way, Kei was going to remember turning sixteen for the rest of his life.
Queen Setter 🏐
Hey Tadashi!
Wingman 😉
Oh wow, did Tsukki tell you already?
Queen Setter 🏐
About what - you asking out Yachi?
Wingman 😉
LOL I guess so.
Queen Setter 🏐
Wrong! Yachi told me herself. She's pretty excited, Tadashi...
Wingman 😉
OMG she thinks it's a date doesn't she?
Queen Setter 🏐
Isn't it?
Wingman 😉
Well yeah but if she thinks it is then she's gonna expect things to be a certain way and I don't know if I can live up to that Naka-chan!
Queen Setter 🏐
Tadashi you are a sweet, kind, fun, sassy, wonderful guy. All you have to do is be you. I guarantee you, that's all Yachi is hoping for. So just relax okay?
Wingman 😉
Wow Naka-chan you really think all that about me?
Queen Setter 🏐
Wouldn't say it if it wasn't true Yams.
Wingman 😉
No wonder Tsukki loves you so much.
Queen Setter 🏐
HE TOLD YOU???
Wingman 😉
Yep. He's really happy Naka-chan. Happier than I've ever seen him. Even though he still tried to hide it from me. The fact that he told me at all spoke volumes.
Queen Setter 🏐
Well he makes me pretty darn super happy so I guess it's even then. Anyway, I wanted to check in with you about the plans for the 26th. How are we looking?
Wingman 😉
Great! I couldn't choose between a volleyball and a dinosaur theme so I think I'm gonna go with both.
Queen Setter 🏐
LOL Dinosaurs playing volleyball?
Wingman 😉
LOL OMG that would be hysterical. And kinda stupid. Tsukki would hate it. I'll find a way.
Queen Setter 🏐
Best wingman ever. Oh hey - I've invited the guys from the Gym 3 Squad so if you're getting anything that needs a head count there could be as many as 4 extra guys coming.
Wingman 😉
Gym 3 Squad?
Queen Setter 🏐
The guys Tsukki spent so much time training with in Gym 3 at the Shinzen High camp. Specifically Kuroo, Lev, Bokuto and Akaashi.
Wingman 😉
Wow, think they'll really come all the way from Tokyo?
Queen Setter 🏐
I hope so. I want this to be the biggest, craziest birthday celebration he's ever had.
Wingman 😉
Considering that in all the years I've known him he's had exactly three birthday parties, and during all three he looked like he wanted to kill someone, I'm pretty sure we will achieve that goal. Question is will we live to see the next day. 😏
Queen Setter 🏐
Hmmm...maybe I can bake something into the strawberry shortcake to mellow him out?
Wingman 😉
Naka-chan are you suggesting putting something illegal into the cake? 😏
Queen Setter 🏐
Tadashi! Every time I think you are so sweet and innocent you say something like that! 😲
Wingman 😉
Hey, you're the one who suggested spiking the cake. 😏
Queen Setter 🏐
Actually I'm pretty sure that was YOU.
Wingman 😉
Backread Naka-chan. You're the naughty one.
Queen Setter 🏐
LOL Tadashi you are so much fun.
Wingman 😉
This party is gonna be so much fun, even without a spiked cake. Oh - I asked Daichi to take charge of letting the team know about it. He said he'll tell people in increasing order of their likelihood to blurt it out to Tsukki.
Queen Setter 🏐
LOL so he'll tell Shoyo last? Hmmm...or Nishinoya?
Wingman 😉
Definitely Hinata.
Queen Setter 🏐
LOL We're in good shape I think! I've got food, you've got decorations, and Daichi will make sure everyone is there and no one tips Kei off. I love it. Thanks Tadashi!
Wingman 😉
Sure thing Naka-chan! See ya tomorrow!
Kuroo was having a lazy Sunday. School had only just restarted, so nothing major was happening yet. They'd had no volleyball practice today. Kenma had been busy with family. He'd spent the whole day just lazing around, watching videos, napping, and doing pretty much nothing.
And now he was wide awake despite the fact that it was coming up on eleven o'clock in the evening. He'd tried settling himself in his bed, in the dark, but it wasn't helping. He'd even gone ahead and indulged in his secret obsession, watching three full episodes of Fruits Basket. It didn't help either. Man, why can't I find a sweet, adorable girl like Tohru? One with beautifully long hair like hers...
He was just beginning to sink into the pleasant world of his life with a fantasy girlfriend when his phone went off, two notifications going off back to back. One was from Tsukki, the other was from the blonde's pretty girlfriend. Being who he was, he decided to talk to the girl first.
Pretty Setter
Hey Kuroo-san!
Chemistry Cat
Well if it isn't my very favorite Crow! What's up Pretty Setter?
Pretty Setter
Just wanted to check in with you about Tsukki's birthday party? Are you guys able to make it?
Chemistry Cat
Gimme a sec - I'll see if any of the boys have updated me.
He decided to jump over to see what Tsukki was on about...just in case he'd somehow found out about his girlfriend's carefully planned surprise.
Skinny Jeans
You awake Kuroo-san?
Chemistry Cat
Always got a minute for you Tsukki. What's on your mind?
Skinny Jeans
So there's a concert happening in Tokyo the third Saturday of October. Nakano and I really would like to go but we need a place to stay overnight in the city.
Chemistry Cat
Oh I see. And you're hoping to convince your senpai to let you guys crash at his place, huh?
Skinny Jeans
Well, Nakano wants to invite the whole Gym 3 Squad so it could be as many as three of us if the Shrimp comes. Four if he drags along the King, which is reasonably likely.
Chemistry Cat
Well damn that's starting to sound like a house party bro. Hang on lemme check something.
Seeing as how there did not seem to be any breach of security, Kuroo decided to check back in with Nakano, and try to get himself down to just one conversation.
Chemistry Cat
Sorry for the wait there Nakano-chan. At last check, besides me the only other one who can come is Boku-bro. Akaashi is going to visit his grandparents that weekend, and Lev is apparently unable to convince his parents that he can be trusted to travel to Miyagi with his senpais and not get into all kinds of trouble. Hmmm...can't imagine why... 😏
Pretty Setter
LOL Maybe because you are the very definition of trouble Kuroo-san. Well I'm sorry they can't make it but it will be so awesome for me to have my two favorite volleyball bros here for a weekend! Although explaining to my mom how it is I seem to have acquired another older brother might take some work... 🤣
Chemistry Cat
Well, turnabout is fair play, as your dude just asked me to host you guys a couple weeks after for some concert. In fact, I gotta get back to him about it.
Pretty Setter
Oooh YES! Thanks Kuroo! I hope we can all make that one! I promise to be excited when he tells me you said yes. You are saying yes, right, Kuroo-senpai?
Chemistry Cat
Well I can't very well say no now with you making me all weak at the knees calling me senpai and whatever. I'm gonna stock up on popsicles for your visit Pretty Setter. 😏
Pretty Setter
Go talk to Tsukki you dirty-minded old man. And thanks Kuroo! 🤗
Chemistry Cat
Can't wait to see you again, Nakano-chan!
While chatting with Nakano, Kuroo opened his family calendar, checking the weekend Tsukki had mentioned. He gave a hearty laugh and smirked like a madman when he noted that his dad and grandparents would be heading to Kyoto that weekend. House party it is then, he thought, they won't mind.
Skinny Jeans
Please don't call me bro.
Chemistry Cat
Sorry Tsukki, but you're part of the bro team now whether you like it or not. So, looks like I've got the house to myself that weekend, which means the house party is on. Who's playing?
Skinny Jeans
Centimillimental, at The Play House.
Chemistry Cat
Nice! I'll put the word out to the Gym 3 Squad. It'll be a fun weekend for sure. 😏
Skinny Jeans
You're not gonna make this into an actual house party, are you?
Chemistry Cat
No promises Tsukki. You never know what might happen when the bros get together, my man.
Skinny Jeans
Why am I already regretting asking you?
Chemistry Cat
Why does my treasured kohai always think the worst of me?
Skinny Jeans
Okay don't call me treasured kohai ever again either.
Chemistry Cat
Tsukki it's a good thing you and Nakano come as a set, or no one would ever wanna hang out with you man. Now quit being such a downer and tell your pretty girlfriend I said you guys are welcome here any time okay?
Skinny Jeans
Thanks Kuroo. We really appreciate it.
Chemistry Cat
See was that so hard? I'm not such a bad guy once you get to know me.
Skinny Jeans
That's the only reason we keep coming back, Kuroo-san. Good night.
Chemistry Cat
LOL Night Tsukki.
Kuroo set up the concert date in the calendar and made a note for himself to text the Gym 3 Squad tomorrow at a more decent hour. A trip to Sendai in two weeks, followed by them coming here to Tokyo about a month later, he thought. Nice. It'll be nice to get to hang out together and have it not involve volleyball. The thought of all that made Kuroo's eyes feel heavy, and he settled down in bed to get some sleep at last.