Here We Go Again
Chapter 15: Visible Scars
POV: Emily
Crash.
"Who the bloody hell does he think he is?!"
Crash.
"What gives him the right to open his troll-sized mouth to judge me? Me?!"
Crash. Crash.
"Dominique—"
Crash!
"I should hex his bits off! Just so he'll end up adopting a kid with his life-partner named Fernando!"
"Dominique—"
"Can you believe your father?!"
Crash.
"The audacity that man has to defend him! Like he was not talking rubbish as usual! It's like he swears that fucking twat isn't an imbecile! How we're all related, I'll never know!" Dominique raised a dish up in the air from where she sat on top of the kitchen counter and her emerald eyes focused on the door entrance. "—Can I help you?!"
My eyes opened wide at the dish in her hand and, just to be safe, I took a cautious step back. I shook my head in response, a little too afraid to speak. This girl was so unstable with her rage she'd forget that I was always nice to her and I'd get a face full of glass.
The dazzling beauty that was Victoire Lupin sighed with exasperation from her place beside her sister. Her glittering blue eyes found me, looking calm and sympathetic as she walked her way to me. Her expression, however, made it perfectly clear that she was not amused and she'd lost all her patience before I even came in.
"Come on in, Emily," the blonde woman said to me in a friendly manner. "Ignore Dominique, alright? She's in a bizarre rant right now and, seeing as nothing's going to stop her, mind as well pretend like the crazy, pregnant girl doesn't exist."
"I'm not angered!" Crash.
Victoire narrowed her eyes at her sister as she put an arm around me, pulling me along with her as she added closeness to her insane sister. I wasn't even sure if she was being welcoming or she was planning to use me as her shield.
"You better be fixing those, Dom. Continue to destroy Aunt Ginny's possessions and she'll no longer allow you to enter her home," Victoire warned her younger sister as she pulled out a chair for me.
A dim smile is all the graduated Ravenclaw got from me. I thought it'd be a good idea to take a breather, ditch James for a moment as he talked to his grandfather, but now I wasn't sure if I was safer outside, risking James and his nonstop chatter, or in here; where Dominique was currently running amuck with sharp objects. I just wanted a moment to breathe, to think, to conclude—but you don't really get quiet, peaceful moments whenever a Weasley was around.
"I wonder if there's a law against beating impregnated witches," Dominique voiced randomly, turning to her right and noticing that her stack of dishes was now gone. "Mind you, we all know Dad's temper. And from his expression earlier, I'm sure he's planning a smackin' when we return home."
Victoire frowned at her sister, yet she still managed to pour a glass of water for me. I raised my brow at the action but said nothing. She was now running a hand on my back in a soothing manner, like she could sense my distress. "Don't be ridiculous," she was the one to speak. "Dad has never struck us, Dominique, and I doubt he'll start doing it now. Besides, I don't know how many times I've got to tell you that they're not angry with you, they're just frustrated. You have to understand that—"
"Blah. Blah. Blah," the redhead interrupted her sister, rolling her eyes. She stopped twirling her wand casually between her fingers and pointed it at the littered floor. "I get it, I'm daddy's little girl and I completely sent it all down the toilet. I messed up terribly and now I must live with the consequences until I give birth to Rowle's bastard baby."
The blonde witch's beautiful face pulled on an expression of absolute outrage. "Dominique," she gasped, "no one has ever called your child a bastard!"
Dominique didn't say anything for a moment. Instead she chanted the Reparo Charm and watched as the broken fragments of dishes started piecing themselves back together; stacking automatically in a pile into the cupboard where they'd been taken from. "No one has said it, but you know that half the family is thinking it." She glanced up at her sister, suddenly less mad and more sad. "Don't think for a moment that Bill and Fleur don't feel ashamed that their youngest daughter ended up pregnant while she was still in Hogwarts."
"It's not ideal, Dominique, but they're not ashamed," Victoire retorted in a defensive tone. "If there's anything this family is it's supportive. I don't know where all of you get the idea that the family is out to get you, but it's mental. We're all one and we all—"
"Why are you here, Taylor?" Once again interrupting her older sister, Dominique flashed her bright eyes at me—bright eyes scouting for a distraction and a change of subject. Her previously hurt features were now aloof. "And I hope you told James you were in here or else he's going to start forming a squad to go hunt for you."
I frowned.
"Dom—"
"Oh, I'm just taking the piss, Victoire!" The redhead waved off her sister, not caring for her scolding eyes. "Besides, Taylor knows herself how insanely protective our cousin is. I'm sure she's all giggles about it."
The frown did not drop. I was well aware that James' protectiveness and possessiveness was an issue and I'm sure some people picked up on the fact that it bothered me, not to mention that they'd made plenty of jokes over it, but I didn't like the fact that his family joked about it. Or that Dominique was giving me a look that suggested she knew something about how I could be feeling.
No one knew how I feel.
"Anyway," Victoire cleared her throat. She gave her sister another scowl but then she turned to me and smiled. "I heard things with James are going really well. You should hear Gran and Aunt Ginny, Emily; they talk quite a lot about you."
"Good things, I hope," was what I finally responded.
Her smile stretched and she nodded calmly. "Of course. Aunt Ginny reckons you're the best thing that's ever happened to James and Gran couldn't agree more. They feel that you have the potential to straighten him out. He's changed so much since he's been with you."
Dominique snorted. "Please. James has become more practical in hiding his offenses because Taylor doesn't like having a trouble-making boyfriend." She turned to me, giving me a leer. "Sorry, love, but I just doubt that anything can ever make James less of an idiot."
Victoire glared and I laughed.
"She agrees with me!" Dominique added when her sister didn't let up with her frown.
"I love James with all my heart, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me, but I doubt that anything can change him. He came like that and there's no guarantee to exchange his bits to make him function normally. I just got used to his reckless ways, and I love him for them too."
The blonde clucked her tongue at me.
At this, Dominique groaned. "Here it comes. Get ready for it, Emily."
"I used to think the same about Teddy," Victoire began, making her sister roll her eyes, point her wand to her head and pretend to shoot herself with a curse. "He used to be such a pain in the ass; completely annoying and barbaric. I can't tell you how many detentions I had to assign him when we both were still at Hogwarts. I saw as Aunt Ginny attempted to beat him senseless until he got the point of his ways, none of it really working, but then I came along."
"And, oh, the horror!" Dominique squeaked, summoning a plate of treats to her that was between me and Victoire. She looked at them longingly, like she'd missed them, and placed them on the ridge of her round belly.
I stared at it, at her stomach, and felt like my heart broke inside my chest. She looked so glowing, so beautiful, and so happy. She thought her family was against her pregnancy, yet that never stopped her from shining in that pregnancy glow. She was carrying a life inside of her, a life that was meant to be there, that was growing this very second. She had a product of her love with Derrick Rowle inside of her. It was pure.
Mine had not been pure.
I could've been like her...I could've developed the round belly, I could've glowed the way she did, I could've supported a life in my womb. But I didn't. I was raped by Lance Greyback a few months back and I desperately wanted that...the fetus to be taken out.
And it was. It never got a chance to grow.
"...he was openly in love with me and that's all it took. I straightened him out and he's a better man for it. And believe me, Emily, that's all it takes." I blinked away from the pregnant redhead when I felt nauseous only to discover that Victoire was still speaking to me. "You and James will be together possibly forever, I've seen it in the way you two are, and unless you start putting your foot down you'll end up married to Uncle George. Merlin knows Aunt Angelina can't contain that man even if she begged or attempted to put him under the Imperius Curse."
Forever?
"In other words, Victoire's the holy savior of all those who are damned to the fiery pits of hell. She rescues them with her veela eyes and enchants them to be good little boys. She shakes them up to into being marriage-material blokes. And for the price of just five Galleons, she will fix yours in a jiffy!"
Victoire did not laugh at Dominique's amused comment. "I did fix Teddy and you know it. If it wasn't for me—"
"Ow!"
"How many times," Mrs. Potter entered the kitchen, hanging onto a tall, blue-haired man by the collar of his shirt, smacking him on the shoulder with her wand repeatedly, "do I have to warn you about giving your brother ideas?!"
"It was not an idea! It was a suggestion!" Teddy winced at another smack he received, the wand-tip scraping his face as he attempted to block it. "Ow! Ow!"
"Comedian you think you are, boy?"
Teddy extended a hand to his wife, but met with Mrs. Potter's wand. "Vicky, help me!"
"Oh, you fixed him, alright." Dominique laughed, shoving another sweet into her mouth.
Victoire groaned, shaking her head with a loud sigh passing her lips. She walked to the two new incomers, and when she got to them, she removed the hold her aunt had on her husband.
Teddy gave her a large innocent smile. He was met with a disapproving frown.
"We better be going, Aunt Gin. We've a party to attend to at one of my classmates' flat. I'm sorry about this, really."
Mrs. Potter nodded. "You think about suggesting things to your brother again, Teddy Remus Lupin, because next time you won't be so lucky." As she finished threatening her eldest son, she turned to her niece and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Have a lovely time, sweetheart."
Teddy, always trying to be the apple of Mrs. Potter's eye, launched himself to her, embracing her in a bear hug while his wife shook her head. "Dom," the blonde focused on her sister now as Mrs. Potter gave in and kissed her son's forehead, "are you staying?"
"Nope." The pregnant witch jumped off the counter, reaching for the plate on her stomach before it could crash on the floor. "I've got to see Rowle tomorrow morning. I better be heading to bed, anyway."
Teddy frowned at his sister-in-law. "Like that's a good idea considering what just happened tonight."
Dominique gave him the finger. Sighing once again, like she was surrounded by children, Victoire put down her sister's hand and held onto her wrist. With a wave, a thanks for the hospitality and gifts, the redhead and the Lupins disapparated from the kitchen.
From doing so, the plate of sweets fell to the floor and broke.
Mrs. Potter muttered angrily about constantly telling them it was not okay to disapparate from inside and how Mister Potter was going to get a talking to for allowing apparition inside their home. She pointed her wand at the mess and it instantly cleaned itself up.
"Hectic Christmas this year, huh, Mrs. Potter?"
"Ginny, dear. Call me Ginny." The woman looked at me with half a scolding look and half tired expression. "And with this family every Christmas is hectic, sweetheart. That's why we keep having them here. Merlin knows that if we held them in the Burrow, like we used to, my parents wouldn't have a place to sleep in."
I laughed lightly, but it echoed around the lonely kitchen.
Realizing that we were now alone, the redhead woman gave me a profound look before she crossed the small distance and took a seat on the chair Victoire had been previously occupied beside me. "How are you, Emily?"
A groan wanted to pass my lips. Not this, please.
"Good, thank you."
"You know I'm not one to pry—"
"And I like you for it, Mrs. Potter,"
"—but I can't help to notice the miserable looks you give my niece." Her stare was firm as it dug into my confused, defensive one. "Or the miserable looks you tend to wear when you think no one is looking. And, of course, the worried expressions on my son's face when he looks at you."
I was angry now. No, I was bothered and annoyed. (Same thing, really.) "James has remained worried since last year, Mrs. Potter." She scowled at me for the proper address, but I continued. "I've tried telling him that I'm perfectly alright but he chooses to ignore them. And...And as for Dominique, I don't give her any stares."
Liar, liar, the voices inside my head came to life. Tell her the truth. Be honest.
Shut up, shut up. Leave me alone.
You know you can't—coward. You'll never speak the truth. You will just continue to hide, to lie, to pretend. But you don't even do that well. They notice it; they all do. They can see it in your eyes. You're a hopeless case.
"I understand that Dominique's pregnancy might be hard on you, Emily," the woman continued, not knowing about the argument going on inside my head, "but I thought that's what you wanted. I thought...since you lost your baby...It wasn't your time to be a mother, sweetheart. You were just fifteen, and granted Dom is not of age either, but she's going to be having her child with a man she loves. You didn't have was a product of violence."
The voices stayed silent for a moment. My hands trembled and I had to place place them on my lap, underneath the table so my boyfriend's mother wouldn't notice them. I didn't want to prove her point. I didn't want to prove James' worries true. I didn't want them to know my fears.
"...Not to mention my brother would've hated me more than he already does."
Her brown eyes looked a little saddened. "Things have not gotten better between you two?"
"He prefers not to deal with me. Not that I can blame him for it; sometimes I wish I didn't have to live with myself…But we're all cursed in our own ways." It left my mouth before I could stop it and I damned my emotions. Before she could comment on it, the frown on her face suggesting I wasn't going to like the scolding, I continued speaking. "A few months ago was our parents' seventh anniversary. Of their death, that is."
Shut up! Don't you dare bring that up! That's private!
"I wrote to Nick before we were let out for the holidays, asking him if we could possibly fly down to the States to visit their graves…He refused. He wants nothing to do with the past and I'm included…He's counting down the days until I'm seventeen and out of his care."
Well, of course he wants nothing to do with you. He hates you. You're a burden, a symbol of everything that's gone wrong. You're the reason why his life's a mess. Getting rid of you will give him back freedom—you ruin everything.
Mrs. Potter shook her head. "I don't believe that. He loves you; you're his sister, Emily."
A humorless chuckle escaped from my lips and my eyes became watery. "I doubt that he does…But I don't mind. I love him enough that it doesn't matter. He's my only family and I'm not—"
"We are your family, Emily." Mrs. Potter got up from her chair and walked towards me. She placed her warm palms on the sides of my face, kneeling down in front of me. She looked at me with adoring eyes; a stare that was so typical for a mother to a child. One that I never saw on my own mother. It broke my heart some more.
"Regardless of you dating James," she said gently to me, "you've been a part of the family since the day you became friends with my Albus. Since the moment that you didn't think twice about taking the torture curse for James and for the days you spent showing Lily around the castle when her own brothers wouldn't do it. I'm very fond of you, darling; and for me and Harry you're a part of this family. And you will always be."
Tears raced down my cheeks from the heartfelt words she said to me. A rattling sob was building at the back of my throat, wanting to come out, but I had to shut it down. No matter how much I wanted to embrace her, sob on her shoulder for something pure and warm that I've never received before, I couldn't. Crying would just lead to confessions that should not be told.
"Why do you care so much, Ginny?" I asked.
She patted my cheek softly, a smile on her face for finally referring to her as she'd been wanting me to. "I see so much of Harry inside of you." That couldn't be true. Not at all. "The situations were different, but he was in the same state when he was younger. He had no one that cared about him, just an aunt, uncle and cousin who treated him like your brother does to you. He had no real family. His parents died when he was still an infant, did you know?"
I nodded. The story and history of Harry Potter: The Chosen One was the one most excitedly learned in History of Magic. It was taught every year of the seven a student completes at Hogwarts.
"He always had us, though. The Weasleys were always his family from the very start. We showed him that we loved him, that people genuinely cared for him, and that we'd go to the ends of the world for him. And that's exactly what I want my family to be to you. Regardless of the distance you try to keep, Emily, I know you love us with all your heart. And we love you just the same."
The voices were silent again.
I swallowed. "I….I really do love you all."
She smiled that warm smile again.
"Ginny—"Entering the kitchen, Mrs. Weasley, previously known as Hermione Granger, strode in with a bottle of what looked like Firewhiskey. A part of me was relieved she interrupted the moment with Mrs. Potter. I couldn't take any more of the hurt. "Ronald and Draco are going at it again. This time they're singing with the encouragement of Harry, Bill and George. If I get near any of those idiots I will curse them, and I rather not in front of the children. You need to contain the situation."
Mrs. Potter frowned, shaking her flaming red hair in a disapproving, slowly angered manner. She placed a quick kiss on my hair before she addressed her sister-in-law and longtime friend. "We better knock them out. If Mum sees Ron like that one more time I don't guarantee that you'll have a husband."
"Well, Astoria and I will be burying our husbands together because Scorpius is holding on to her for dear life. Rose is attempting to help the situation, but Draco keeps pulling her into a hug." Mrs. Weasley waved at me, throwing a smile as she and Mrs. Potter exited the kitchen as the latter suggested St. Mungo's Program for the Alcoholic Wizard.
It didn't take two seconds after their departure and the solitude before memories exploded inside my head. I had tried to subdue them, I'd been doing so for years, but from all the family talk and love and understanding and emotions—they just wanted out.
No matter the consequences they brought to me...
'I'm talking to you!"
'I don't want to hear it anymore, Nick! I'm tired of you and your past-century ways!'
'This was your idea too, Amelia! You wanted this! Don't you dare put on the mask of hurt whenever we leave from the airport! You know that you don't give a damn for that kid!'
'He's my son, you monster!'
'Really? Did it ever cross your mind that he was your son when you suggested we send him to Tokyo?!'
'You wanted to get rid of him completely, I had no choice! God only knows what you were planning to do to your own son because of your embarrassment of what he is!'
'Don't turn this on to me!'
'You never loved that boy, Nick!'
'And neither did you!'
Through all the yelling there was a small whisper. 'I love him...'
'Be quiet, Emily!' It was a surprise it was heard. 'How many times do I have to tell you to stay out of the conversations your father and I are having?'
'Don't yell at her, Amelia!'
'Keep your eyes on the road, Nick.' A slap echoed. 'Don't go pretending that you acknowledge Emily now. You don't care about her, you never have.'
'Oh, shut up, Amelia! She's my daughter. I've raised her, I've provided for her. Of course I fucking care!'
A mocking laugh was then let out. 'But of course! She's your pride, isn't she?' It was sarcastic, taunting. 'You'd cast her off too if her blood wasn't as pure as what runs in our veins. You keep her with us because you need her.'
'Don't go there.'
'Imagine, Nick, the more shame it would've brought to the Taylors if Emily had been born a Squib, too. Imagine the shame your prestigious family name would've received if you would've produced two useless offspring! The horror!' From the rearview mirror, emerald eyes looked at the back seat of the slick car running at a high speed. 'Be very grateful, Emily, that you're a fully bred pureblood or your father would've done away with you too.'
'Don't feed the girl lies, Amelia! I love them both, they're my children. If anything, you're to be blamed! You're the one that produced the Squib!'
'This is my fault?! If I recall, your family has a few squibs! My family tree is perfect; we're all pure!'
'Oh, Amelia. Do not forget that you have an aunt that's a dirty Mudblood. I rather have Squibs in the family than filth as relatives.'
'How dare you?!' After the appalled shriek, there was a fumble coming from inside the woman's purse. Something was then pulled out from it.
'Do not pull your wand out on me! I'm your husband and you respect me!'
'Stop this car! Stop it!'
'Quit the dramatics, Amelia! Where the hell are you going to go in middle of traffic?!'
Sounds came from the backseat. 'Mom — Daddy, please stop fighting.'
The woman struck her husband with her wand.
'Mommy, stop!
The man growled, reaching for his wife's wand hand and pinning it down. The woman let out a cry of pain.
'Daddy!'
'How did I ever fall in love with you—'
'Join the fucking club, Amelia!'
Cries from the backseat.
'I hate you, Nick!'
'The feeling is mutual,then!'
More cries from the back. 'Stop! Stop!'
My eyes blinked rapidly as the memory continued to play in my head, terrorizing me. The voices in my head weren't the usual ones that pained me, but it hurt just the same. The voices of my parents yelling at each other disappeared when the sound of metallic parts bursting filled my ears. There was a loud scream, coming from a little girl, and then I felt the tumble; I felt and saw myself rolling inside the car.
Tears filled my eyes and my wand acted by its own accord. The tip illuminated with a hex and I pressed it to the skin of my arm. The spell didn't die, it seeped into my skin. It cut it. It sliced it. It opened up my skin, one layer at a time.
'What's the damage?'
'There's nothing we can do, the front passengers are dead. There's a little girl in the backseat, though.'
'Is she alive?'
'We're trying to get her out without causing damage. There's a faint movement coming from behind her eyelids. She's probably unconscious, but we can't really be certain. There's a shard of glass piercing her left ribs. She needs to be removed with care or else the chances of survival are minimal.'
There was movement: voices, sounds, cars in the background. 'What happened?'
'Impossible to be accurate, but it seems like the car exploded.'
'Must have been a failure in the motor.'
"Emily, Mum said if you wanted to stay over the—" I didn't have enough time to shake my head from the voices of the muggle paramedics inside my head declaring my parents dead and attempting to save me. Nor did I really have time to pull the wand away from my flesh before James' eyes widened in shock at the sight of the new thin, red lines bleeding that would soon join the other scars on my arms.