"JISUNG-" Jin yelled. Lucky i had my ears covered. It wasn't the yell that he normally uses the one where he's telling jungkook off for being a minor inconvenience, or Jimin throwing the ball in the house.
It wasn't one of parental authority and it wasn't one of joking.
I dropped down to the floor, desperately picking up the cup, my sleeve going into the liquid. I recoiled, my head going into disarray. i was so Uncomfortable.
I bit my lip hard and looked at the cup.
"jisung- if you're not gonna clean it up-" jin snapped and i dropped the cup.
Mixed emotions churned my stomach around.
I held my breath as i heard him walk to the other end of the kitchen.
"move" he stood over me, a mop in hand. I looked up at him as he leaned on the mop for support.
I stared at him, the edges of my vision going slightly black.
My chest was tightening. I couldn't move. Panic. I wanted to cry, badly.
"jisung-" his voice shook. Why was jin suddenly angry?
I quickly moved, slipping lightly, hitting my arm as i did so.
My trousers are wet. So is my sleeve.
The other members in the living room looked beyond confused.
I regained myself and drew myself up to my full height. I walked to my room quickly avoiding all eye contact.
I slammed my door, tearing off my jacket in desperation, and clawing at my jeans.
Angry when my hands became wet. It was sticky. I let out a sob that i had been holding in.
Why was he shouting? At me?
Why did he look at me with such disgust?
Did he finally realise that i was not as good as he thought i was?
My knees gave way and i finally felt the pain in my arm
I couldn't breathe. I felt suffocated.
The voice in my head was taunting me.
I hated everything, i felt so angry yet so upset at the same time, overstimulated, i wanted to rip my hair out.
More tears spilt out. And the words in my head grew louder. I stuck my earphones in, wanting to drown them out.
Even the music felt muffled. I slammed my fists down on the floor in frustration. I dug my nails into the sides of my face.
I sniffed, looking in the mirror. My eyes were red. Puffy, from the constants wiping.
The sun was setting. Early, as days were getting darker.
So gold light poured into the hallway small shadows appeared as the door moved slightly.
I swung my bag over my shoulder. I stared determined at my shoes near the door.
All you need to do is walk past, don't lower your head, that draws attention because you don't usually lower your head.
Just put your shoes on, and leave. And that i did. Successfully.
It got difficult when it came to my laces. But after a moment of confusion, i gave up, leaving the dorm, shoes untied.
The members noticed nothing.
Thank god. I don't want to be anyone's concern.
I smiled slightly as i realised i was free.
My hand hesitated at the door. Nl.
I sniffed still more, as i walked out the building. Only realising seconds after that i had forgotten my coat.
One less thing to carry. Though i would be very cold.
I blinked, feeling the cold as a contrast to my hot cheeks.
I got lost a few times. The first time on purpose to pet cats. Is it even possible to get lost when i didn't even know where i was going anway.
A random shop. It seemed to sell plants. And fish. What a strange mix.
I got confused as i walked around.
They had terracotta pots stacked about unevenly.
As a child i always hated them. The horrible scratchy feeling made me want to smash every single one in sight. But my mum always told me they were a necessity when every month i would be dragged down to the garden centre to be her doorman while she carried multiple pots out to her car.
She had to many plants. Silly women. I love her.
When i was younger, she had a greenhouse and she would spend her time looking after her plants. About an hour a day. I would sometimes sit with her while she did so, Trying to teach myself English. She would smile every time i got a word wrong or right.
If i got one right she would give me a strawberry.
I suddenly started crying as i didn't know the next time i would carry pots out to her car again. Or when she would give me a strawberry from the greenhouse.
I moved away from the pots, they were giving me the horrible urge to cry. I moved away. There was a toys section. Sometimes i had shamefully moved very quickly towards.
I found a shark. And a frog. I had to make a choice between the two. Hardest decision of my life.
The shop assistant just stared at me when i went to pay. A grown man buying a shark plush. Look away. Have some respect.
I presume this will be on twitter with some snarky comments.
A plant spoke to me on the way out.
I thought i was delusional.
The mascot of the garden centre, waved me over to them after i tried to sidestep my way around them.
"GOOD MORNING! DID YOU KNOW GRAN FATHERS GET 10 PERCENT OFF THERE PERCHES" They yelled out to me.
I blinked.
"im 19. Im not a grandad and it's 5pm" i frowned hugging my pot closer to my chest.
"oh-" they said quietly, their cactus arms deflating.
I frowned again trying to go
"forgive me- its just that you were dressed like-" they sighed when they realised they were digging themself a bigger hole.
"baby plants are given as gifts to customers," they said flatly. Their day wad ruined.
I awkwardly shuffled away, trying to bow to them with the pot in my arms but bumping into someone as i left.
The walk back was easier this time as i knew where i was going.
Going up the stairs of the dorm was a problem, only because i was tired though.
But I'm not taking a lift.
As i tapped in the code and gently pushed open the door, i assumed because The room was quiet that everyone had gone into their rooms but no.
Everybody was sat down at the dinner table, staring at me. "fuck" i cursed under my breath.
"what the f-" taehyung said, rice halfway to his mouth.
"jin said you weren't eating-" hoseok stared. I looked at hoseok then to jin who was staring at me in shock and guilt.
"well jins a lair." i snapped to him. I had decided ob what i had to do.
I then smiled a purposefully sickly smile. I placed the shark on a side table, all the while i held eye contact with jin.
I then walked to my place and sat down and started eating.
Funny how im not eating and there's food in front of me.
I don't even know why I'm angry. Am i allowed to be?
"Thanks for thinking of me" i said cheerfully and started eating. Silence.
Good.
Silence is better than shouting
And silence is better than a voice telling you what to do.
A/n: