Manqoba was busy turning sideways absentmindedly when Evelyn let herself in without knocking in his office. He just stared with the glass of alcohol in his ring hand. She paced towards the chair across him and offered herself a seat, troubled and antsy.
“Did he take umlahlankosi with him?”, she questioned, referring to Muzikayise.
Manqoba stared for a second before sighing, then placing the glass down on the shiny, wooden desk.
“There’s a family meeting tonight at eight. I expect to see you there”, he stated with no trace of doubt in his low voice. Evelyn swallowed a hedgehog.
“Can’t we wait until after the funeral? I know and acknowledge that all of this is my fault. I wish I could reverse time. I really wish I could. In fact it all feels so unreal. Like—“
“Please save this speech for the meeting tonight"
She sighed and placed her sweaty hands on the table top.
“Can we just wait until we lay him to rest? This will cause havoc and right now… right now is not the time for that”
Tears were freely racing down her face. Manqoba threw his head back against the headrest after gently pushing the box of tissues towards her.
“I am begging you Mntungwa. Ngiyak’cela Mbulazi. Let us wait until after the funeral. Help me respect his spirit just this last time”
Manqoba stood up from his chair and asked to be excused. He stood up and left her highly emotional self seated there.
He got to his room and closed the door. He took off his shoes and his watch before pulling the blue metallic dish from under the bed. He dropped his head as his palms laid flat against the floor. Exactly two drops of tears fell down onto the border-edge of the dish. The muscles around his shoulders felt like they were pulling on themselves. He swallowed his pain and exhaled - a breath pulled from the bottom of his spiritual exhaustion. He took hold of the large box of matches and set the incense alight. It did not contest, it just caught fire.
“Ngibiza nina oMntungwa, oMbulazi. Nina bakaBhej’ eseNgome…”, he greeted and felt himself get heavier and heavier. He was no longer alone in that room and he instantly knew it. The hairs on the back of his neck were sweeping, creating a cold and chilly sensation that sent goosebumps to the rest of his body.
“Zikode kaMkhatshwa, ngiyazi ukuthi nikhona futhi ningilalele. Ngiza knina ngithi ngizoshweleza dlozi lami elihle…”(I know you're here with me and that you're listening to me. I'm coming to you with aims of apologizing), he said while humbly and subtly clapping his palms together.
“Ngithi ngizithobe ngixolise ngakho konke uMa wami akwenzile. Ngine sqiniseko sokuthi bekungeyona inhloso yakhe ukunithukuthelisa. Ehlisani ulaka nigcine iympilo zeyngane zethu, iyngan zenu”(I am asking for your forgiveness on my mother's behalf. I am pretty sure it wasn't her intention to infuriate you. Please calm down and spare our children's lives, your children's lives)
…
Violet knocked once on Betso’s room and let herself in since she was sure that Muzi wasn’t in there. Betso had wrapped a thick blue fleece around her shoulders, hugging herself as she watched the twins’ childhood videos. She never turned in her mother's direction- she just kept her eyes glued to the screen. Violet’s heart dropped before she slowly closed the door, carefully. She walked over to sit next to her and wrapped her arms tightly around her. Betso still did not move. The five year olds on the video were riding barechested on their tricycles in their striped shorts, their hair wet. They were laughing hysterically until Mxo fell and Lwandile screamed for Muzi at the sight of Mxo’s injury. Mxolisi was quietly seated on the grass, licking his own blood from his bruised knee. The next video was of their first day at school. There, Mxo was crying dramatically wanting to go back home. A breathy laughter betrayed the true state of her heart as she watched this. She could hear Muzi’s voice from behind the camera. She remembered taking over the camera so Muzi could speak to him. He went over to the youngins and picked Mxo up, who was sobbing and wiping his tears with the back of his small fingers. Lwa was getting impatient, all ready for school, something he also had absolutely no idea about.
“Mxo? Boy?”, he called for his attention as his eyes followed Mxo’s.
“It’s a school day. Something that’s going to happen to you five times in every week. Are you going to cry five times each and every week?”
Mxo said yes. Muzi laughed.
“I wanna go back home. I wanna watch Transformers”, Mxo was not catching any of Muzi’s plea to keep him in those hellish premises. Muzi placed him back down and squatted in front of him. He placed his hands over Mxo’s shoulder who was still moody but had stopped crying. Muzi told Lwandile to come back. He was already a few steps ahead. He held both their wrists before he could speak.
“Okay. If you behave for this whole year and be good to your teachers, dad is going to get you that electric car you said want”
Both their faces lit up.
“Ha ah baby these two have enough toys”, Betso could hear herself.
“Mom focus on the camera”, Mxo said, in a way telling his mother to stay out of their business with their dad. They all laughed. Violet smiled at the sight of this.
“Promise you’re gonna get it?”, Mxo made sure. Muzi nodded. Betso remembered Muzi getting that toy a month later.
“Okay. Can we have money for ice cream?”, Mxo asked.
“And popcorn”, Lwandile added.
“But you have lunch bags full of food”, Muzi complained. They both sulked. Betso laughed adoringly.
“Okay. Nizowa thenga kuphi lama ice cream wenu?”, Muzi asked from defeat.
Lwandile pointed at the shop across the street. Muzi had to wait for the three cars to pass before he could see it. He took no notice of it on their way there.
“Ha ah. You are not crossing such a busy road for ice cream. You’ll get it at home”, he said and Lwa stomped his feet.
“NO”, Muzi said slowly so it sinks in before he could pull both of them into a hug. He brushed their heads with adoration.
“Hayi baba umosha iynwele zami mama onkamile”(You're ruining my hair mom combed it), Lwa complained with irritation. He’s always been fussy about his neat and well-kempt appearance, even as a child. Muzi and his wife laughed before Muzi could apologize. Mxolisi couldn’t care less. She watched him as Muzi tied up his short laces on his tiny school shoes and tucked in his school shirt properly. The next video was about to play when she grabbed the remote and switched off the screen.
“How am I supposed to go on without him mama?”, Betso broke down in her mother’s arms. Violet did not say much ever since she received the news. She was too shocked to be throwing emotional tantrums. It hadn’t sunk in yet. All Betso could do was to allow herself to break even further apart in her mother’s arms. Violet rubbed her back as fell apart. There was a knock on the door. Violet yelled for the person to come in and Betso quickly wiped her tears with a pocket tissue. Tumi peeped in. He was with Enhle in the kitchen and other ladies- lending a hand in the baking process. Throughout all this, he questioned how Enhle could be the one captaining the ship that held a hot oven inside it.
Violet politely asked him to come back later, with her hands still wrapped around her daughter’s upper arms. Betso was too tired to speak. Tumi nodded with understanding then left. Violet brushed her head over her doek.
“I know your pain ngwanaka. You know I do. But even with this knowledge, I have nothing to say to you because I know. I know that it’ll take way more than just a few wise words to ease the pain”, she stated while still brushing her back.
“It’s too much mama. It is too much. I-can’t-handle…”, she could not see to the end of that sentence.
“Oh ngwanaka hle…”, Violet let out as she felt herself also tearing up.
“He didn’t deserve to die like that. There was no need for him to die in that manner. NO NEED”
“I know baby I know…”
Betso was struggling to keep her breathing stabilized and her chest still.
“You should’ve seen him just laying there. I thought he’d wake up and call me Sthandwasami, like he always did but he didn’t. He was just there but at the same time, he wasn’t”
“Cry it all out. Lla botlhoko boye le meetse”(Cry and dissolve the pain), she continued to comfort her. It shattered all of her heart seeing Betso in that state. She was an insolvable mess. Nothing anybody could ever say could even attempt to scrape the first layer of that heartbreak away.
“You need some sleep. Should I make you some tea? It’ll make you feel better”
“Akebatle teye mama I need my so-huh-nnnn!!”(I don't want tea...), she yelled in broken pieces as the pain twisted itself into her heart.
…
