Addicted To You

41| Warning

"A warning because we're watching a horror movie," Brandon lied, picking a horror movie and clicking play. 

I've only got tonight to ask him about what happened. 

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We were both lying awake in his bed. It's nearly 1 AM and I'm about to ask him. I'm gonna ask him to tell me everything. "Nathan?" I mumbled. 

"Yeah, babe?" 

"I've been meaning to ask you something." 

"What's going on?" 

I cleared my throat, "You've been acting a little off lately. I was just wondering why, I mean is uh, is something coming up?" 

He hesitated. I could feel his eyes on me even in the dark. "Tomorrow is um, it's Chloe's death anniversary. It's the date that the accident happened," he revealed. 

"How did it happen, Nathan? Will you tell me?" One beat of silence went by. Then two. And then three. It was three beats before he spoke up. 

"It was in sophomore year. We were uh, we were supposed to go to this party, but we were just 16. And I was only driving on a learner's license, which meant I was only allowed to drive under adult supervision. And I told her 'I don't think we should go' I told her again and again, but she really wanted to go," he paused. 

"She always hated parties. Before she changed for the worse. But she really wanted to go for this one. And I told her 'we don't have a ride and I can't drive yet' but she said that I can even if it's just with my learners. And she somehow managed to convince me to drive. So, I drove us there and when we got there, I told her I wasn't going to drink because if I did, I wouldn't be able to drive us back and she said that was okay." 

More silence. 

"When we got to the party, she made me drink. Not just her, everyone there made me drink because they just had to see me drunk. So, I got drunk." I could hear his voice wavering from the back of his throat and suddenly, I didn't want to hear. I didn't want to be the person making him talk about the memory he tried so hard to forget. 

"Nathan, you don't have to..." I mumbled. 

He sat up slowly, pulling his bedside lamp on. I sat up beside him, grabbing his hand. "Just let me tell you, please," he cleared his throat. "When we were leaving, I told her I can't drive. I wasn't wasted, just tipsy, but I did not want to drive with alcohol in my system. No one else was driving us, it was late. She said we didn't have another way, she said I had to drive. So, I drove, God, why did I drive?" he groaned, asking himself the question. 

I stared down at our hands, realizing how unprepared I was to hear this. "What happened?" I whispered. 

"I drove," he scoffed. "And it was fine for the most part. The whole time, I didn't even look at her, I kept my eyes on the road, I barely blinked. I couldn't let anything happen to her or myself. But she just fucking kept distracting me," he spat angrily. "She was touching my arm, she was whining in my ear, she was tugging at my shirt, and I looked away from the road for one second. For one fucking second. 

Just to tell her to stop because what she was doing was really dangerous. And in that one second... there were these headlights, there was this other car, and I don't even know how or when it happened, but we had a crash. It was so fucking scary, our car flipped over, I heard her scream, I was panicking. I just... closed my eyes, and I didn't open them until everything was still and it was absolutely silent." 

I had no idea what to say to him. What was I supposed to say to him? I know I hate her and I hate what she did to him and the state she left him in. But I guess I didn't really think about what Nathan went through in the process. I didn't think about how scared he must have been.