In the Absence of Light

11

Ivys POV

I stare up at the ceiling. It's blank and white, with nothing but a blood stain from a dead mosquito invading its emptiness. I killed it on our first day here. Whoever rented the apartment before us left the window open and let the place fill up with all kinds of insects. The exterminator came the next day. Luckily, there weren't any cockroaches, just weird flies and other crawling insects.

Maybe if there were cockroaches, we wouldn't have been able to move in and I'd be forced to stay with my parents for a little longer. Well, I probably would've lived in a hotel until the problem was taken care of, but I might've preferred to stay at home.

Everything is so easy at home. It's like I can be a kid again, completely free of all the stress and drama that goes on in my life at Princeton. I wouldn't have to watch my back everywhere I go. I wouldn't have to worry about running into anyone I didn't want to. I would be safe—safe in my parents' gated community, completely separated from the entire world, secluded in our own slice of heaven.

I miss it. I miss being safe. I miss being happy.

Aren't people my age usually desperate to move out of their hometown? They're dying to escape their parents and create their own life for themselves. But not me. I want nothing more than to return home and be with my family. It's pathetic, really. I'm almost 23, not 18. I shouldn't be this homesick anymore.

Melissa isn't homesick. She barely even talks to her parents. She's been my best friend for years; she's supposed to make me feel better. She should be my home away from home. But she doesn't ease my worries at all.

She didn't come home at all yesterday. That scared the shit out of me. She wouldn't answer my calls or respond to my texts. I didn't know where she was until she showed up this afternoon.

She wasn't here when those boys started banging on my door. I was alone.

Erin didn't leave my place until mid-afternoon. She had another support group to run, but she didn't head out until the last minute. I guess the jokes and conversations we made weren't enough to ensure her I was fine. I did start to feel better as the day went on, but Ryan's words still haven't left my mind.

I like seeing the bitch squirm.

I try not to let them get to me, but each time they come up, I can feel the darkness spread through my chest. It's like a dark cloud—or better yet, a black hole. It sucks away any stability I may have had and traps me in a space where I can't do anything but crumble.

God, I'm so sick of my own misery.

I don't want to think these pathetic-ass thoughts. I'm tired of them. I just want to be happy again.

It's not fair. Why can't those boys just leave me alone? How did they even know where I live? Isaac must've told them. He was with them. I saw them through the peephole.

I couldn't stay that close to the door for long, though. They were banging so loud; I swear they could've broken the thing down. And then what? They'd murder me. No, they'd do worse.

My breathing spikes, my vision blurring. I instinctively reach for my thigh, squeezing my skin to help me snap out of it.

I like seeing the bitch squirm.

That's all I am to them... flesh.

I am nothing.

Worthless.

I should've died that night.

Everything would've been better then. I wouldn't have to deal with this... this pain.