In the Absence of Light

24

Ivy

My head rests on the kitchen counter. It's cold and hard, but I don't mind. I enjoy the feeling. My head is too heavy to hold up. It feels like 3 in the morning, but it's well past midday.

I've just had my third shower of the day, and I'm finally starting to feel clean again. I've rubbed my skin raw. I'm going to have to moisturise my whole every day for the next few weeks, just to recover from all the scrubbing I've done.

"Come on, gorgeous," Dad runs his hand over my hair, lifting the strands out of my face. "Eat your food before it gets cold."

I let out a frustrated groan, refusing to move from my current position. I don't have the energy to lift my head, let alone cut and chew my food.

"Ivy..." Dad sighs. "Don't make me call your sister."

"Valeria?" I joke. I already know who he's talking about.

"No, Maritza," he says. "Your favourite."

Maritza is my oldest sister. She's almost ten years older than me and loves nothing more than annoying me to death. We are total opposites. She's funny and loud and assertive. She would probably tackle me onto the couch and force this food down my throat. She wouldn't be mean, though. She's not cruel. It's just impossible to be serious around her. She can make anyone laugh, even me on a day like today. That wouldn't make it any less annoying, though.

"Fine," I pick my head up off the counter and sit up straight. Dad's made me my comfort food—a big pile of choc-chip waffles drenched in chocolate. I grew up eating these. Waffles are by far my mums favourite food. I don't think we went a single day without them when I was a kid.

"They're good, right?" Dad asks.

"Very," I nod. I wish dad could cook for me every day. All food is better when you aren't the one making it, especially if it tastes like home.

"So, are you ready to talk about this?" He motions down to the pill bottle on the counter.

"No," I respond.

I wasn't awake when dad arrived. I was passed out on my bed, still in my dressing gown. Erin let him in, and my dad spent the night on the couch.

I didn't talk to him at all until this morning. He cooked me a full breakfast, with bacon, eggs, sausages and the whole lot. I didn't eat any of it, though. I couldn't stand the thought of food. I didn't even want to get out of bed. I probably wouldn't have if the movers weren't so damn noisy.

Erin told my dad everything that happened last night. She told him about Mel and Trey and what they did. My dad took care of everything else. He called the removalists and booked Mel a hotel room.

He was expecting me to come home to New York with him, and I can see why. Last night, that's exactly what I wanted. But I'm thinking more clearly now. And I can't drop out of college just because of some dumb boys. I can't take time off, either. I'm already graduating a year later than planned, I don't want to wait any longer. I don't know what I was thinking. I was just panicking.

It's always been my dream to do to Princeton. It's the perfect place for me—remote enough for some privacy, but still Ivy League, so I have plenty of options for my law degree. My initial plan was to stay here for my post-grad, but that's changed. I'm applying to as many law schools as possible. But I at least want to finish my Bachelor's here. I can't let them win. I just can't. They've already taken too much from me.

And as much as my dad wants me out of here, he understands why I want to stay. And he respects my decision. I know for a fact I'll have to call him weekly, though. He might even put a full security team on me, but that would ruin the whole privacy thing I like about this place. Privacy from the press and prying eyes, I mean. Not other students. They're going to watch me anywhere I go.