Under The Influence

With You

Chris POV

It was now family day, and I was sitting at a table in the courtyard. I was nervous. I haven't seen Shawnie in a little over two months, and it's been longer for my mom. I've been talking to them regularly, and keep them updated on my recovery. Holding phone conversations with them are hard, but I get through them. I'm kinda happy it's been this long that's haven't been about to see Shawnie because I probably would've wanted to leave with her. This has been kicking my ass.

Overall, it's going pretty well though. Especially now that the detox part is over. I never told them about that, I didn't want them to worry, but it was bad. Shawnie asked about it, but I told her it was all good. If she would've seen me, she would've died. Truth is, detoxing was so much worse this time around. Probably because I wasn't smoking weed to curb the cravings. I had severe nausea, and I was throwing up a lot, like a lot. I couldn't keep anything down, I felt like I wanted to die. I wasn't able to talk to anyone for almost three weeks because I was going through it so bad. I'm completely clean from everything right now, and I lowkey hate it. I'm going back to weed when I get out of here.

I know my mom and Shawnie are going to notice I lost some weight, but this process has shown me how strong I am. Yeah, I lost a little weight but I am gaining a lot from this. Therapy is helping. It's so crazy to me how I didn't want to do this, now I'm really liking it. I like being able to talk through things, and they let me know if I was right for feeling a certain way, or if I was wrong. I'm starting to see him unhealthy my thinking is. That's thanks to Dr. Foxx and Dr. Jordan. They've helped me through much. I feel like I'm thinking so much more clearer, and I can make rational decisions, which is what I have been wanting to do this whole time. I knew I was sick and I couldn't admit it. I'm happy Shawnie was there to help me understand that it was okay to get help. I've been through this before, but it's so much different this time around.

I was staring off, thinking about everything and my eyes begin to focus on something. I see Shawnie walking towards me, smiling, and glowing. She looks so good. My mom was with her. They both looked happy, and happy to see me. I feel myself beginning to her emotional. Damn this feeling everything. Not being able to numb my emotions is annoying as fuck.

I stand up and walk towards her. As soon as she reaches me, she latches on to me. I hugged her so tight and she did the same. We just stood these holding each other. It felt so good to be in her embrace again. I didn't want to let go of her. I've never been away from her this long, on purpose. It's been hell, to be honest.

I kiss her forehead, then her lips. She was smiling ear to ear, and was still holding on to me. It was really nice to see her this way. I don't think she's ever been this happy to see me, maybe when we first got together. I look over at my mom and she was smiling ear to ear as well. She also looked emotional. Like she was holding back tears. I wish they would stop, I'm fine.

"Hey ma!" I say pulling her into this family hug. She wraps her arms around Shawnie and I at the same time. We stay like that for a few seconds and we all let go. I instantly lock eyes with Shawnie, and grab her hand, smiling.

"Damn, I've missed you so much." I say, putting my hand on her stomach. "How's my boy?"

"Stop calling the baby a boy." My mom says.

"Right, we don't know and we won't know for a while." Shawnie says.

"Just putting it out in the universe. I want a son." I say

"I just want the baby to be healthy. I don't care what we have but what if it's a girl? I don't want you to be upset." She says putting her hands on mine.

"I'm going to be happy regardless. You're having my baby. This is what I've been wanting for a long time and it's finally happening. I'm truly happy. I just wish I wasn't here while you're pregnant." I say, "I want to experience this whole thing with you."