Under The Influence

Do Better

Chris POV

Ever since me and Shawnie broke up, I've had to deal with Ammika. I haven't seen her son since that day at the penthouse house. I have been texting her on and off and I think I might be ready to meet him again. I just have to keep in mind what Ammika's motives might be. I know she wants me back and I'm just not trying to go there with her again. She's off in the head.

We've pretty much been on good terms and the conversation has strictly been about her son, well I guess I should say my son. She's gone back to Germany, so I think I'm going to take a trip over there and see what happens. We FaceTime every now and then and she lets me see him. I gotta admit, he does kind of look like me. I feel bad a little bit that idea what I did but I still feel justified because I feel like idea what I had to do to keep my relationship.

Shawnie and I have been having all types of issues and I'm not gonna say that some of it isn't not my fault because I have definitely started shit on purpose. I feel like I wanna work things out with her and I want us to get back together but then again, I think about all of the shit that we've been through and the shit that she put me through that was just so unnecessary and I feel like I'm better off without her. I can't act like I didn't do shit to her. Hell, I did more shit to her than she's done to me. I don't blame her for leaving but I'm literally fighting with myself about this.

I guess it's just being scared of being alone again. I was with this woman off and on for three years of my life. Most of the time we were on and I woke up to her 95% of that time. Even when she was messing around with Drake I was still actively in her life, fucking her. I don't even remember what my life was before her, it's so weird. I feel like I don't want to know what life is without her because she's been a part of me for so long. It's hard. I can't lie about that but I'll eventually have some clarity on this matter and make the right decision for myself.

It's just still taking me a long time to get used to my new reality of being single Chris again. I'm so worried about her and my daughter, I'm trying to talk to other women but nothing sticks. Don't get me wrong, you know I've been fucking bitches, that's what I do but mostly, I've only been working. That's what I always stick to. I work. Slime and B just released and I think it's time that I start celebrating and living my life again. I need to try to look past this situation.

The label is actually treating this as if it is a studio album which I'm not complaining about because I get to film some videos in the process. I'm getting a lot of advertisements as well. Anyway, I was out minding my business with all my boys, we were celebrating the release of the mixtape.

I was enjoying life, no care in the world. Yeah, I was half drunk, high, and as always, surrounded by beautiful women.