Under The Influence

Dear God

Shawnie's POV

Aubrey set everything up for Brooke and I. We got our nails, feel and facials done, and now we were getting massages. She was laying on the table across from me.

"And he did all of this because you said you were stressed out about your situation?" She asks

"Yes."

"Damn, must be nice. I wish I had a guy to do something like this for me. Has Chris ever done anything like this?" She asks

"Not that I can recall. And I don't want to compare them because they're two different people but honestly they are so similar, and they don't even know it. I mean, I get different things from them, they love me different and I'm not saying Aubrey loves me, it's just a figure of speech. Everyone seems to think Aubrey is doing everything that he does because he wants to piss off chris, which is half true but everyone doesn't see when it's just us. I see it in his eyes, he really cares about me and he wants me to just be present with him but I can't. Chris is always on my mind, and Aubrey hates it."

"That's because you love Chris."

"I know I do, I'll never deny that, Aubrey knows that too. We've had so many conversations about that. Aubrey knows why I act how I do. He doesn't like it, but he knows." I explain

"I don't doubt that Chris loves you but the way he does is a little dangerous. The way he walked in your office that day scared me and we had absolutely no interaction with each other."

"Chris can be intense sometimes, but it's innocent." I say defending him, I don't want her to think negatively of him.

"I don't believe that. I think there's so much more going on with him."

"There is but it's not your business and I'm not willing to talk about that. Chris and I have had deep conversations about various things. I know so much about Chris, more than anyone who knows him and that's between him and I."

"That's good and all, but I think what everyone's been saying in the media is true, he's crazy as hell. This things that he's done, in an attempt to "get you back" she says using air quotes, "Is just flat out stalker behavior. He's psycho."

"Don't talk about him like that, he's calmed a lot of that down."

"Yeah, but aren't you just waiting for the next crazy thing for him to do?" She asks and the truth is, I am thinking about it. I'm scared to see what he'll do.

"I try to not think about that. I try to keep him calm by talking to him, going over there when he wants me to and just keeping him close to me. We've slipped up and had sex a couple of times. That's all he wants. I mean, he wants to be back in a relationship with me. I just can't go there right now."

"You guys have had sex? That's a no no  Shawnie." She says

"I know but I just can't say no to him. Chris has a firm grip on me. If I wanted to let him go, I couldn't. Every time he touches me, I just melt. He touches me and my whole body just get chills. I love it. You just don't know the effect he has over my body, and over me and I don't know how to break it. I kind of don't want to." I ramble

"I think you're doing too much. Chris has to go, with his crazy ass. You have a nice guy, who's being so patient with you and with your situation and you're doing this to him. He's only going to put up with this for so long."

"I think he's sick of it already." I confess

"How do you feel about him?"

"I like Aubrey. It snuck up on me, but I've come to terms with it. It makes my life so much more complicated, but I'm trying to work through it. I know I'm not done with Chris, but I'm curious about Aubrey. I just can't make up my mind, and I know it's hurting both of them." I explain, remembering everything that's gone on so far.