Under The Influence

No Guidance

Shawnie's POV

It's been two weeks since that day I went through Chris' phone. I know I shouldn't have went through it, but I'm happy I did, because I think things between him and this chick might've gone further. So I'm happy I got to stop it before it got to that point.

Things haven't been so great since that day. I mean they're good but not great. I was going to leave him, and I was going to leave him for good that day. If he hadn't done what he did in my closet, I would've left and never looked back. I was scared, but for some reason, I knew it wouldn't escalate.

Chris has been clean since his little slip up. I hate that those weeks went down the drain, but maybe all of that really was my fault because if I was there, or if I would've answered my phone, he wouldn't have done it. I hate myself for going into work that day. He needed me and I wasn't there for him. Just like when my mom needed me, I wasn't there. I hate that that happened.

Chris is currently in Miami shooting the video with Aubrey. We thought it would be best if I stayed home, so there weren't any distractions as far Aubrey went. Chris said if he looked at me for too long he was going to kill him, so yeah, home is where I'm at and that's where I'll stay.

I'm currently standing in my bathroom, anxiously awaiting for results. At first, I was taking pregnancy tests everyday, but things started getting crazy, then I started doing it randomly. They all have come back negative. I told him I wanted him to stop and we stopped having sex, and when we did get back around to having sex again he pulled out, but recently, he hasn't been pulling out. He's been cumming inside of me, so if I wasn't pregnant then, I'm sure I am now.

I haven't taken one in a couple of weeks, because of everything that went down with Chris. I've been on his ass about staying clean and I haven't been really focused on me. I'm taking this test today because I think I'm starting to show signs of pregnancy. My breasts have been super sore, I'm having waves of nausea due to certain smells, and the big one, finally, a late period.

I stood at the vanity, looking at myself in the mirror, and talking to myself. I was asking all types of questions, questions that I don't have the answers to. Am I capable of being a mother? Am I capable of taking care of a child? Am I mentally stable enough? Is Chris ready to be a dad? Is he mentally stable enough? More importantly, am I even capable of bringing a child into this world? This shit is stressing me out.

"God please let this test be negative." I say to myself, as I pick it up.

I look at it and it's positive. I closed my eyes and opened them again, thinking my eyes were playing tricks on me. I'm shocked. I don't know why, but I am. I don't have any words right now. I stand there for a minute in disbelief.

I stood there for almost 20 minutes, in shock.

I'm pregnant?

Nah, I think this one is wrong, I need to take another one.

I grab another from under the sink, take it out of his wrapper and pee on it. That one has to be defective. I wait another three minutes, and it comes out positive too.

"No. This can't be right." I look at both of the positive tests.

I'm pregnant.

I leave the tests on the counter and I go get in bed. I get under the covers and just lay there. Maybe this is all a dream and I'm not really pregnant. I should go back to sleep and try to wake up from this dream.