Your Addictive Heart || l.s

Don't Get Too Close

TW: Panic Attack

They were silent all the way to Harry's room. "Harry you're scaring me." Louis closed the door behind them even though they were home alone. "What's going on with you?"

Harry didn't know where to start. He wanted to do this right. He didn't want it to turn into a screaming match or result in them ignoring each other. He wanted to get everything out in the open.

"Is it Reese?" Louis started guessing with a certain heaviness in his eyes.

Harry sat down on his bed with a sigh while Louis kept his back to the door and waited for his answer. "No. It's not that. I ended things with him today."

"Then what?" He held onto his arm with the other. He looked so small to Harry right then. "Somethings changed. You changed your mind about us haven't you?"

"Louis, please." He chuckled nervously. "I still want you. I always will, and I know that this may hurt me beyond repair, but we have to talk about...it."

Louis' eyebrows jumped up as he was reminded of that night. "I...I thought you didn't want to know."

"I don't. Believe me, I don't. I just don't think I can give myself to you the way I did last time without knowing where I went wrong." Harry could see his fingers trembling in his lap as he tried to explain himself.

Louis tensed up uncomfortably. "It had nothing to do with you. You didn't do anything wrong." He shrugged his shoulders like he wasn't sure of what Harry wanted to hear.

"So why'd you do it?" Harry didn't look up at Louis for fear that it might set him off. He could tell he was feeling defensive.

"I was scared." He swallowed hard.

"Of me?" Harry met his gaze.

"Yeah." Louis let out a breath he had been holding for a while. "I fell so hard for you and the minute I had realized it I got so fucking scared."

"You say that but..." Harry turned his head away so Louis couldn't see the hurt on his face.

"But what?" Louis whispered.

"I know you had a crush on him. I know he liked you back," Harry confessed.

"That was a long time ago." He stepped closer to him. "I never once had those feelings while I was with you."

"Then why?" Harry's eyes were already watering. "How could you kiss him the way you kissed me? How could you..." He felt like his heart was breaking all over again.

"Hey!" Louis kneeled in front of Harry so he could look up at him. He put a hand around his neck so he'd keep his gaze on Louis. "I have never kissed anyone the way I kissed you. I've never felt the way I feel about you with anyone else, baby." He wiped the tears from his eyes.

"When you left me at that party I was feeling insecure." He started to explain but his breathing quickened. "I started drinking and every time I tried to cut myself off he was there with another drink and before I knew it I wasn't myself." He was breathing so hard that Harry was starting to worry.

"He told me to come to his room so we could talk. I just wanted to talk and um I remember him helping me sit down when I couldn't stand and uh..." Harry's eyes widened at the sight in front of him. Louis was practically shaking. "All of a sudden he was touching me and I couldn't move and I just wanted to find you and then..." Harry couldn't believe this happened to Louis. He wanted to kill Tito. "And then uh." Louis put his hand to his chest as he gasped for air.

"Lou, what's happening?" Harry didn't know how to help him.

"H-Harry you have to go." He struggled to catch his breath as tears streamed down his face. "Please."

"Louis, you're scaring me. Breathe." Harry sunk to the floor in front of him. He couldn't stand to see him like this. He had no idea how to help or if Louis would be okay. Should he have called for help?

"Harry, you can't see me like this, just go!" His breathing was sporadic and his voice was weak.

Harry didn't want to make things worse so he left his room. He waited outside the door and sunk to his knees just praying for it to end soon so he could hold him.

With every gasp for air and sob he heard coming from his room, Harry felt more terrified and helpless. He did this to him and there was nothing he could do to help.

Harry buried his face into his knees and let his own tears consume him. He couldn't live with himself knowing that someone had taken advantage of Louis and he wasn't there to help him through it. He had never felt so terrible.

Suddenly, he heard the door handle rattle. He jumped to his feet and waited for Louis to come out. Louis pushed past him with red eyes and went straight for the door.

"Louis!" Harry ran after him. "Where are you going?"

"I'm sorry. I have to. I can't be here." He apologized as he walked out of the front door.

Harry followed him outside to his car. "Louis please!" He shouted. "Don't leave like this. I'm- I'm here for you. Let me be here for you." He searched his eyes for a sign that he would let him in. "I love you." He nodded assuringly.

Louis stared back at him through misty eyes. "I just can't." His voice was faint. He let out a shaky breath before getting in his car.

Before Harry could think of a way to stop him, he took off down the street.

He failed Louis and now that he needed Harry the most, he didn't trust him enough to let him be there. He should have been brave months ago. He should have been there for him.

***
So they say love is all you need...

I'm sorry I came on just to make you cry for two chapters straight!

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