"I haven't been everywhere, but it's on my list"
As children, we are asked: what do you want to be when you grow up? Well my answers differed with age, at the age of twelve I wanted to be an archeologist, then a neurosurgeon, then a writer, then finally I grew up (in all sense of the phrase) and became a pharmacist. Never really did know why I was inclined to that line of work.
"Jillian where are those tickets?! Help me look!"
I did as I was told and assisted my mother with her search. Little did she know that they were actually with me in my traveling bag, all set for tonight.
"Do you seriously need that Jij?" my sister asking, disgusted from the new accessory to the room.
"That's exactly what I said!" my mom assenting with my sister's objection.
The object in question is the bulletin board I had installed yesterday. Rummaging through my past wishes, I realized they were chaotic, unorganized. I really wanted to pin the things I want in life, why not on a bulletin? That board is currently blank exposing its harsh brown surface. Hence the objections, annoying to the eye they say. Well to me once that board is filled, I will finally realize what I want. My first thought: after the list, now what?
It struck me. While seeking adventure and travel, I didn't construct a back-up plan. I don't have an anchor, a solid. No job, no aspirations, no fiancé, no apartment, no car...therefore the board was needed.
"Use an app or something on your phone! Why this damn board?" my mother expressing her disgust again.
"I am kind of old fashion mother. The more practical the better."
"Yeah right." My mother rolled her eyes. I get it mother, I screwed up...big time.
My sister left the room and shortly after that my mother followed. Left alone in a room filled with scattered clothes, a bulletin board, and a box filled with unfulfilled wishes. I stared at that board. So many questions and doubts running through my mind. After I finish the list, what then? What will I do? Where will I live? Where am I heading? A blank space, an unmarked landscape that is now my present and future.
I sat down with a notepad. I remembered I bought a map of the world, the day I decided to do this, and never used it. It was just there, still in a plastic wrapper. I spread the map and pinned it on the bulletin, then took my original place facing the bulletin. Did I want to stick to my profession? Of course all that hard work was not going to go down the drain, I was just in the wrong place, not investing my efforts in the right place. I wrote that down with big letters. I browsed through the clippings and the list, then I realized where, I wrote that down too. I wanted that, always did. And when I met Zen I thought he would also contribute, yet once I got to know him I was definite he wouldn't. He wouldn't drop everything and leave with me, wasn't worth the risk apparently. A clinic providing medication and treatment for third world countries, no matter how many associations, humanitarian organizations try and distribute still they don't suffice. I wanted to be a part of that, I wanted to start small and evolve it to something greater, even if the project seemed larger than life, I probably won't accomplish it, but I have to try. Build something from scratch. I did that before and I will do it again, and this time I'll hold on to it.
I heard my cell vibrating, it's probably Cecilia. She has been calling more frequently lately sounding happier and happier, I was glad, truly.
"Hey Cici was just going through some stuff sorry I was late to answer." I answered absent-mindedly assuming it was her on the other end.
YOU ARE READING
Escaping The LoopChickLit
At 28, Jillian realizes that her seemingly perfect life is a continuous mundane routine. she is fed up with conformity and wants change. Along the way, she battles depression, gets nostalgic, falls in love, and realizes that life and living happen w...