I was running. Running out of breath. It was as if I was suffocating, air slipping further and further from my lungs. Heaving and sweating. Where I was running? A long aisle, white; walls, doors, ceiling. Long and non-ending. I stopped at a door and it took me back to when I was 5 years old removing my first tooth. The second a recent memory of me and Zen. I ran what seemed like a mile, and reached a third door. I opened it cautiously expecting some distant memory, but I saw something completely different. I was happy. The signs of age seem to engulf my face; wrinkles near my eyes and my skin seemed worn with time. I was smiling, laughing. I was on the phone giggling. I never giggle. I was in an office. Big and lavish. The furniture modern and up-to-date. I was talking to someone that seemed of personal importance, so I inched closer to my futuristic self-apparently- and listened:
"Well I guess the girls just have to get used to the idea of sharing a room", what, wait, girls?! I have kids?! "Yes they should, you already spoiled them rotten" then I giggled again apparently the future me likes giggling or whatever, "yes you do that’s what I love about you dear, no today I won't stay long at the office", after she said that; what office? What do I do for a living now? This doesn’t seem like an office in the university, or anywhere I know of actually, "yes I will pick up your suit for tonight, yes, yes, I remember I swear I didn’t forget, I know where that is, hey I am not clueless when it comes to directions, I'll use that thingy you installed in my car, wished it had Morgan Freeman's voice though, I would've absorbed the info faster, no I don't fall asleep just from the sound of his voice, it was that one time when I was exhausted taking care of your two girls who had really bad diarrhea…don’t remind me please", and then I giggle again, what's up with me and giggles??, "yeah I have to go, meeting and all, yeah nag all you want, lunch? I think I could squeeze you in my schedule, well your very welcome, I have to go, love you more darling, on the phone, seriously? Fine mwah." Again Mc giggles, "Bye" with that I close the phone with a silly smile stretched from ear to ear. I was happy. This seemed like an end point. As if this is where I am supposed to be. I did not want to know what I did for a living, or who was on the phone just now, did not even want to know my supposed-daughters' names, I left my giggly-self collecting her documents and ran for the door.
I ran and ran as far as my legs could take me, hopelessly running in a never ending aisle filled with doors I fear entering as a result of the last one. Door after door, I ran and never looked sideways.
I tired after a while and slowed my pace. I came across a wooden door, dark brown wood. I came closer and touched the door, slid my hand across door ever so lightly and went for the door knob, I turned it, slow as I can be, terrified what sick twisted altered futuristic version of my life might be behind it, then I heard my name. Repeated over and over again. Jillian, Jillian, Jillian…
Light seemed to protrude my eyelids. That sun. Those rays of sunshine that disrupted my sleep these past two nights. The heat. The humidity.
We were staying at Cecilia's uncle for the past two days. We are going to stay for about three months, then off to France. Yes France. Apparently Cecilia is adamant about that lavender field. I ask her constantly why that field, why France, and the same answer resonates: "it is where I need to be", such a vague answer, is she planning on staying there, for good?
"They insist we have breakfast, I told them we don't believe in it, still they insist. I guess we have to." Cecilia said in a sluggish manner. Greeks always have time for coffee. Advantage point for the Greeks.
YOU ARE READING
Escaping The LoopChickLit
At 28, Jillian realizes that her seemingly perfect life is a continuous mundane routine. she is fed up with conformity and wants change. Along the way, she battles depression, gets nostalgic, falls in love, and realizes that life and living happen w...