A week later:
"Do you really have to go?" my sister protested.
I looked at her, and laughed. We have bonded for the last week not sparing a moment apart. Us three, and mom. I never realized how each one of my sisters was so...unique. They are lively, strong, sensible, romantic, and head strong. Nothing like me thankfully.
"I have to darling, and I have to leave a couple of times after that. But I promise after I finish all this, I am coming back, and for good. I need to get my life together after I destroyed it with my own hands." I said with a smile. For I knew, I was confident, that whatever I had that I threw away, was not my true calling, otherwise I wouldn't have thrown it any way.
"'Destruction is the road to transformation." Leah said with a smug smirk as she folded my shirts and placed them in my bag.
"Seriously Leah? Quoting 'Eat, Pray, Love'? Do I look like I need that right now?" she giggled in response and I throw a bunch of socks.
As we were packing, the phone rang, "I'll get it!" my mom yelled from the kitchen and answered it.
"Leah turn done the music."
"Just do it." and she lowered the volume.
"Oh hello dear, yes we are all fine, yes of course I took that recipe from your mother...oh Jillian she is traveling to England tomorrow...yes that soon...no she didn't tell me she saw you that night at the wedding..." and with that I realized who was on the phone.
"Leah hand me the phone."
"Jillian I don't think you should..."
I took it from her with raw confidence, the confidence that drives a person off the edge and right into thoughtlessness. I didn't know what to say or how to say it. From the other night, a week ago, I saw a different side of him. A completely different side so foreign to his usual decorum.
"Why don't you ask Jillian herself? Why are you so against me? Why do you hate me this much?! I said I was sorry, I still am. I told you I still love you, I came back, I wanted to fix things, you're the one who told me you would wait, it's not my fault if you're an asshole who can't keep a promise. Who gets engaged in two months anyway!? Took you three long damn years to pop the question, but oh when you saw your dear Tiana common sense just flew out the window huh?! Well I hope you are really happy, I do, what I did was selfish and rash, I know that. I am done apologizing to someone over and over again, and they can't even accept it. You want to know if I regret it. I do every single day, it actually tears me apart that someone else can kiss and hug you, that you call her every single day, that you might take her to that small café you used to take me to for a quick lunch, that if I beg from now till tomorrow and the day after that it doesn't change things." I paused wiping my damp face. "You are some else's now. I can't be anything anymore. I can't want anything anymore." I sobbed and choked on my last sob. "I am not running anymore. I lost so much already. I guess everything wasn't meant to be mine. Don't call here ever again, you aren't part of this family anymore. You are part of her family now. Call her damn parents!" and I disconnected.
I walked, marched, angry stalked to the kitchen.
"What kind of mother are you?! Why answer him? Why talk to him? WHY?"
"You are insane! I have an insane daughter! That person has the right to despise you but he doesn't! He loves you, he still does you idiot! Why would he check up on the whole family if he didn't?"
YOU ARE READING
Escaping The LoopChickLit
At 28, Jillian realizes that her seemingly perfect life is a continuous mundane routine. she is fed up with conformity and wants change. Along the way, she battles depression, gets nostalgic, falls in love, and realizes that life and living happen w...