"And I'd choose you;
In a hundred lifetimes,
In a hundred worlds,
In any version of reality,
I'd find you and
I'd choose you"
-The Chaos of Stars
8 months later...
I am satiated, comfortable where I lay. I snuggle further into the pillow I was hugging, as I sense someone spooning me from my back. Embracing me, holding me closer, ensuring I was enveloped safely in his arms.
"I know you're awake Jilly." he said as he gave me a light kiss behind my ear and continuing its path toward the nap of my neck.
Light escapes the outdoors and invades our already bright room. White, everything white...
"Do you actually want to waste a day in bed?" he questioned speculatively. Well the once compliant Zen is now forceful and outdoorsy. What a change he has made! I have fallen in love with an entirely different person. Four years ago, this person hugging and spooning me lacked a multitude of qualitie; sponteneity, passion, decisiveness, drive... He was someone I was aging prematurely with. He was someone I could live without. I had to leave, and I shudder at that thought everytime. I just had too. We had to be apart. I knew I had to see what the world could offer. I had to put feelings of guilt and pain for him aside, and move on. I failed miserably for he alone knew me, he alone understood and accepted me. He wanted me; broken and miserable, happy and ecstatic. He wanted the darkness and corners of me as well as the brightness that was fading. I pushed him away, yet he kept coming back. I pushed him further until someone else snatched him away. How utterly crestfallen I was! I even wanted to end my life-changing trip because I was so heart broken. It was pathetic to say the least, so I kept going, and I kept those ideals straight and got what I wanted; the clinic in Africa. It seemed as if my life couldn't be more complete-despite one missing piece- then by divine intervention (and Cecilia's meddling), the last piece, the precipice that drowned me in the state of unadulterated joy, landed itself-or himself-in my office.
If it was fate, I thought at the time, I had to take this chance. I had to make him stay. I just had to.
I remembered the way he looked at me. He was agonized, he wanted me and at the same time wanted to admonish me. I had done too much to him. Hurt him for my own reasons.
"Stop thinking sweetheart. We are on vacation, so stop." this man, this beautiful, kind, compassionate, adventurous human being, knew me. Read me, from cover to cover. He is my happiness and all of life's possibilities.
I turned to face him. I don't know whether he became more handsome because I loved him so, or if he was always this handsome and I seldomly appreciated his wicked good looks.
I caressed his darling face, traced every curvature and elevation, appreciating him, admiring him.
Those warm orbs boring themselves into my grey ones. They twinkled with mirth and amusement, and I smiled. I am always happy with him, I realize that.
"Darling, what's up?" bewildered.
I shook my head and grinned.
"I love you."
"And I you. And much much more my darling." and I kissed him. Will I tire of kissing him? Hopefully never.
He gives me another chaste kiss and leaps from bed.
"let's not waste a wonderful day dear wife of mine. A long day, plus Kalon already prepared the boat." he said after checking his cell.
I lay ogling my dear husband, extending my hand above me, as I appraise the simple gold band on my forth finger on my left hand.
YOU ARE READING
Escaping The LoopChickLit
At 28, Jillian realizes that her seemingly perfect life is a continuous mundane routine. she is fed up with conformity and wants change. Along the way, she battles depression, gets nostalgic, falls in love, and realizes that life and living happen w...