Hands Stained Red

Forty ~ Quinn

Reggie looks like he's about to kill someone as he sits in the back seat beside me. The entire car is silent as we drive towards Rya's but the air is thick with tension.

"Hey, this will all be over soon," I say quietly to Reggie, "Give it a few days and everything will calm down again."

His jaw clenches and he shakes his head, "If I lose my fucking job over that psycho bitch that is your girlfriend, no offense, then I'm going to hit the roof."

My mouth opens as I go to defend Rya but then I realise that charging into a tech firm with a gun and demanding that a man gets into your car isnt exactly the behaviour of a mentally stable person.

"Shes just on edge because of everything that has happened," I finally decide on, sitting back in my seat. "A few days and everything will be normal again."

"The police arent happy with you, mate," he says, "They spent weeks looking for you and then you didnt even tell them you were still alive. I'm glad you are by the way. A text my way telling me that wouldnt have been terrible."

I smirk at him, "I didnt really want to sit through hours of questioning and I knew that the other two would be able to answer everything anyway. Also, we were sort of in hiding otherwise I would have let you know."

"Welcome home," Rya says bluntly as she swerves into her driveway which usually has two other cars on it. It seems Artie and Switch's stuff has already been moved.

She gets out and heads towards the house. I can tell that something is bothering her but I dont want to question her if shes feeling violent.

I go in behind her and she speaks to a man inside in Russian. He looks concerned but her face is hard and her words sharp. She dismisses him with a wave of her hand and goes up the stairs.

I follow her all the way to her room and manage to catch her falling face first onto her bed.

"You alright there?" I ask as I sit down beside her and run my fingers gently through her hair.

She sighs the way she always does when I stroke her head and it brings a smile to my face. "No," she mumbles into the duvet, "I fucked up. Again."

She rolls over onto her back and then pushes herself up onto the pillows. I don't miss the wince on her face as she does but this isnt the time to bring it up. "Why did you fuck me?" She says, her face is emotionless as she looks at me.

I'm startled by her words and it takes me a second to process them. "What?" I manage to choke out.

"Why. Did. You. Fuck. Me?" She over pronounces every word and it hurts for some reason. "You wouldnt even look at me, never mind touch me for the past week and then suddenly you're fucking me against the shower wall at my grandparents house."

I grimace at her crude words but shes not done, "I practically threw myself at you last week and you rejected me. I needed you Quinn..." her voice breaks and I see the tears in her eyes, "I was hurting, physically and mentally, and you couldnt even be in the same room as me."

My eyes drop and I hang my head in shame. The past week I've watched Rya become a shell of herself, hiding away in her room, barely eating or talking, and I didnt help her.

Everytime I looked at her I just remembered seeing her sitting in that pool of blood. I remembered what we had lost. When I went to see her earlier, I didnt intend to have sex with her. But she started talking about how I didnt want her and I needed to convince her that that was true.

But now I realise how much of a dick move that was.

"Its fine," she says suddenly and I realise I havent answered her for a few minutes. She wipes her eyes with the backs of her hand and gets off the bed, "I got to go and try and stitch this hole in my arm up so, I dont know, you can go make yourself dinner or something. You can stay here until Rafa is dead then you can go back to your shop and never have to see me again."

"Rya, wait!" I shout but shes already locked herself in the bathroom. "Fuck!" I curse as I drop my head into my hands. My eyes burn with tears and I glare at the door separating us. I love her more than I've ever loved anything in the world but I dont know how to fix this. Shes married and we cant look at eachother without remembering what could have been.

I get up and go over to the door, "Rya, listen to me. I shouldnt have pushed you away. I love you, fuck, I love you so much and I dont know how to make you understand that. It's just been hard. We could have had a kid."

The door swings open and she glares at me, "No we couldn't have. This isnt about the fucking baby Quinn. I never wanted a fucking kid. I wanted you. I knew as soon as Mylo told me what had happened that I'd lost you entirely. There was no reason for you to stay with me anymore."

The tears are running down her face freely now and I can feel tears hot on my cheeks. "Its selfish I know, but you were the only good thing in my life and I couldn't lose you too."

"You havent lost me, love," I say, "I'm still hopelessly in love with you and I always will be."

Her face crumples and I pull her shaking body in tight to my chest, "Please dont leave me like everyone else has," she sobs against my neck and I never want to let her go.