Hands Stained Red

Thirty Seven ~ Rya

"Rya!" My gran shouts up for the fifth time in the past ten minutes and I pull my pillow over my head and hope that I suffocate.

We've been hiding here a week, taking shifts watching Reggie to make sure my cousin doesnt kill him and leave us to clean up the mess.

With my grandparents being far too touchy feely, Kaden being himself and Kira and Quinn being stressed about Reggie, I'm just about ready to kill someone.

I'm hoping its Rafa.

The door swings open and my gran stands there with her arms across her chest, "Are you deaf?" She asks, her thick accent reminding me of mum. I wonder how my parents are doing. They dont know about the miscarriage and I want to keep it that way for as long as possible.

"The boys are back and Tony is as insufferable as ever. Would you please entertain your in laws so I can get a break from that bloody accent?" She asks but theres no question about it. I'm going down there whether I like it or not.

I groan and pull my head out from under the pillow. "Teenagers," she mutters and walks out. I grumble as I get up and fix my hair a little in the mirror.

My appearance is a state. The same black sweatpants I've been wearing for the past week were the only thing I could wear when the cramps were bad and I havent had the motivation to change out of them. A white t shirt with a black stain on the collar that I'm guessing is mascara covers the top half of my body and I really need a shower.

My shoulder aches when I move but seems to be healing well. My arm is out of the sling, probably too early but I was getting fed up with it. Artie would be annoyed but hes dead so what does it matter.

I pull slippers that once belonged to my mum when she was a teenager onto my feet before heading downstairs where I can hear my granda struggling to make conversation with the overbearing american that is my father-in-law.

"Hello Flynns," I say as I walk in and sit down heavily on the couch.

Kaden raises an eyebrow at me, "You still havent changed?"

I scowl at him, "Is he dead yet?" I ask him.

Mylo takes a deep breath. I brace myself for the joke he's about to make about the sham that is our marriage as he has been doing repeatedly over the past few days but instead he just says, "Nothing. He just went to work, worked, and came home. Had steak pie for dinner."

"My turn then," I say and get up again, "Anyone coming with or am I taking night shift alone?"

"Kira has already left," A voice says and I jump. I hadnt realised Quinn was even in the room. Hes been sulking a lot recently and I've not seen much of him. 

I sigh. Rage starts to boil in my blood as I feel my control slipping some more. Ever since the wedding, the Flynns have pretty much taken over. Everytime I do leave my room, plans are already in motion and they dont include me.

I was Koroleva. I was strong. I was powerful. I could look after those I loved and strike fear into people I hated. Now I cant even look after myself.

"I'm going to shower then," I say and walk back out of the room. My grandparents can handle my in-laws on their own.

The door slams as I go into the bathroom and I start to pace around the small room. My hands are shaking and the urge to hit something is almost overwhelming. Gran will kill me if I break her mirror though.

I feel a sharp pain in my scalp and look down to see strands of hair wrapped around my fingers. I drop them quickly, trying to pretend it didnt happen. I thought I'd stopped doing that years ago.

I turn the shower on and turn the heat up before stripping down and carefully peeling back the bandage on my shoulder. I grimace as I see the swollen red skin and run my finger over the stitches. It's going to leave a hell of a scar. It's also going to hurt like a bitch in the shower.

I step in and feel the hot water start to burn my skin already but it feels good. It touches the wound on my shoulder and I bite back a scream, forcing myself to stay under the stream.

The pain eases slightly but doesnt go away as I start to wash my hair. I hear the door open and I sigh, "Fuck off Kaden."

"I'm not Kaden," Quinn says quietly. My anger dims a little as I hear his voice. We havent spoken since that night. I've not been able to find the words.

"I'll be out in a minute," I say and rinse my hair quickly.

The door closes again behind him and I can see his silhouette through the shower curtain. "I just came to make sure you're ok. You've barely left your room in days."

"I'm not but thanks for checking," I snap at him. I'm not angry at him particularly, just angry because someone has pointed out that I'm struggling. That I'm weak.

He doesnt answer me and I take a deep breath and force myself to remember that this is Quinn, the man I love so much its killing me. The man who's hurting just as much as I am.

"I'm sorry for snapping. I'm just stressed out," I say softly. I push back the curtain to see him standing there and a blush grows across his cheeks, bringing a small smile to my lips.

"I'm sorry too," he says to me, "About the other night. Before everything happened. I pushed you away and I dont want to do that."

I shrug, "You didnt want to fuck me because you found out I'm a slut. I get it Quinn, you dont have to apologise."

He frowns at me, "You dont really think that do you?"

I laugh as I condition my hair, "Come on Quinn. You're nice but no one is that nice. We were together for years and it took a matter of hours for me to spread my legs for someone else."

"Dont talk about yourself like that," he snaps, "I dont judge you for that. You thought I was gone, that I'd rejected you. You were hurting and dealt with an impossible situation, how you reacted was perfectly acceptable."

"It doesnt matter anyway," I say to him turning away, "I fucked this up. You dont want me anymore and that's fine. I'll just have to move on with my new life."

I hear fabric hit the ground and a few seconds later I feel hands on my waist, "Who said I didnt want you anymore?" He whispers in my ear. I feel his bare body pressed against my back and I gasp, "Of course I still want you. I dont think I'll ever stop wanting you."