Hands Stained Red

Thirty Five ~ Rya

I can hear chattering in the room when I start to come to. It's in English which is a good sign because I dont think I can deal with my family right now.

They're going to be insufferable when they find out about this.

No one seems to be bothering me though, they must think I'm still asleep. Good. I could do with some alone time.

The pain seems to have died down. Mylo said it would last a few days so maybe this is the calm before the storm. Lisa would know more but I dont want to tell her. I dont want to tell anyone yet. Not after seeing Quinn's reaction.

He was so worried when he ran into see me and at first I couldn't find the words. How do you tell someone that they could have been a father? He had tried so hard to stay strong to support me but I saw his tears.

"Rya?" A voice says and I realise that they know I'm awake. Fuck. I open my eyes and see Matthew and Kira standing at the bottom of my bed, "You're awake."

I push myself up and nod, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, "What's going on?"

Kira looks at me nervously. No wonder she's worried after drugging Koroleva. Had it been anyone else they would have been dead. But its Kira, and I know her heart is in the right place.

Once she's realised that I'm not about to order her execution, Kira walks around the bed to sit beside me, "How are you feeling?" She asks softly, stroking my face.

I scowl at her, not wanting to talk about my feelings right now. Its not like I could put how I'm feeling into words anyway. "Like I've been sleeping when I should've been working. I'm sure you havent forgotten that the man that murdered my uncles and kidnapped you yesterday is now doing fuck knows what."

I push past her and head out of the room they put me in and towards my old one. Sadness tugs at my heart when I realise that last night was my wedding night and I slept alone.

I ignore the blood soaked sheets and start going through my bag and change into a new outfit. I hear the door open as I drag my fingers through my hair to try and tame it.

"How are you?" Kaden asks me from the doorway. His voice is steady and monotone, a bit like he's only asking because he has to.

I sigh, "Why is everyone asking me that fucking question?"

"Mylo said I was to stay out of the way last night. What happened?" He asks in the same tone. "Did you fuck him?"

At first I think he's talking about Mylo but then it clicks. He's talking about Quinn. He thinks that's why he was to stay away from me. That means he has no idea.

"I tried to," I say. I dont have it in me to lie to him, "He didnt want me."

The pain of his rejection is still so fresh that it hurts to bring up. My worst fears are coming true just like I knew they would.

"But that's not why you were to stay away. I miscarried." His face drops and his gaze falls away from me. "Dont worry, it wasnt yours," I add.

"I dont know if that makes it worse or not," he says, his face hard, "I wouldn't have raised someone else's kid anyway."

I shrug, "I wouldnt have asked you to. It's not like I would have went through with the pregnancy."

Having kids is something to be avoided at all costs for me. With the way I grew up, I would never want another kid to go through that, never mind my own child. I wouldn't be able to protect them from this shit show.

"So you're fine then?" He asks me.

I take a second before I answer. I would have terminated it anyway so I shouldn't be sad but it wasnt just mine. It was another part of Quinn that I've lost. "No," I say finally, "I dont know if I ever will be again."