Faded Memories

Chapter 31

We remained at Olivia and Ben's for a further two nights before we were forced to come home, doing no good just sitting around in a house that was filled with Jamie's happy memories that I was no longer part of. Olivia had warmed to my presence slightly, I think she had eased the blame that she had placed on me and now saw me as somebody who might help the investigation rather than hinder it.

But, there was nothing. Even once we had reached the two day mark, I was expecting a phone call from Ryan... or a bit of evidence or something. But, there was nothing. I had expected a clue to pop into my head or a faded memory from last time to help me figure out where they could be. But, there was nothing.

Ryan was probably watching me, laughing at my incompetence and my sorrow. I prayed every moment that Jamie was okay, that he was alive and healthy and just completely ignorant to what was actually happening around him. If Ryan truly loved me, then he would not harm a single hair on Jamie's head. He knows how much that boy meant to be. He meant almost the same to him.

I had barely slept these past few nights, which meant that Carter had barely slept these past few nights as he was forcing himself to stay awake to be with me. So now that we were back in the car and on the road home, he had opted to take up the same position Liam had on the way here: sprawled out on the backseat and sound asleep.

I envied both of these boys.

"Hey, Liam?" I asked suddenly, turning the radio down slightly so that he could hear me.

"Mm?"

"Do you think we could stop at the place, you know? It's not far from here and I haven't been in months." I whispered, hoping that Carter didn't wake up to hear me. I just needed to be alone for this.

"Of course. I need to fill up the car anyway and there's a petrol station not far from there." He gave me a tight smile before turning his attention back to the road, taking the next left ahead so that we were en route to our new destination.

We pulled up outside the cemetery and I just sat in the car, staring at the tree nearby his grave. I was suddenly doubting whether I was strong enough to do this, I hadn't visited him in months. But, I felt some sort of need, some requirement to have to tell him about what was happening with Jamie - even if he couldn't do anything about it himself.

Carter had woken up just as we pulled up, like a child that senses when you pull onto your own street. I watched in the rearview mirror as his brow furrowed, before everything clicked into place in his head.

"We'll go and fill the car up and get some snacks for the remainder of the journey. I'll pick you back up here in around 20 minutes?" Liam questioned, looking at me as if to tell me to just get out of his car. I nodded my head at him, before smiling at Carter in the rearview mirror and jumping out of the car.

I took a deep breath and stepped down the pathway, towards a particularly large tree in the right of the cemetery. The gravel crunched beneath my feet as I walked, but I'm not sure if it was louder to me because I was feeling particularly hyper aware right now.

This was the town I grew up in. This was their cemetery. If you knew my dad, you'd have thought that he wanted to be buried in his hometown where he grew up... but if you really knew my dad, you knew that he simply wanted to be buried wherever the rest of his family would eventually be. And that would be right here, where we all grew up.

I felt completely exposed out here. My home town, my brother missing, my dad's known location of his grave. It was the perfect place if Ryan wanted to take me, especially seeing as the boys had left me too. But I was almost certain he wouldn't come anywhere near here, not after being the reason that my dad had died. I was sure that he carried guilt around with him for it, even more so that it just pushed me further away rather than bringing me closer. Which was the opposite of his plan.