Living with dying - N.RIKI

12

𝖭𝗂𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗆𝗎𝗋𝖺 𝖱𝗂𝗄𝗂
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Yuki is in the hospital again. I'm pretty worried. She doesn't want to tell me the reason why either. I hope she's fine.
I really hope so. I don't want to lose her.
She plays such a big part in my life.
It was like she was the main character even though it's my life.
I don't want to lose her at all, losing her might end me even.
You see, I am a depressive person.
I may not seem like it but yeah I am.
I've been emotionless since like forever.
I don't know how to feel about anything, I've got no purpose.
But when yuki came into my life, it was like a new beginning. Everything changed. Everything got 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳.
And that's because of her. She taught me how to live. She taught me how to feel again, but most of all. She taught me how to love.
And I love that about her. She's taught me so many things.
One thing I always remember her telling me is ' 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞, 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞.'
and I'll never forget those exact words.
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𝖬𝗂𝗇𝖺𝗍𝗈𝗓𝖺𝗄𝗂 𝖸𝗎𝗄𝗂
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I'm so sorry niki. I should be here wit you right now. But I can't seem to tell you the truth yet. The truth I'm talking about is, I'm actually not gonna die.
They've found a way to heal me but it will take time. I want to tell niki, but I just don't know how.
I want to tell him right now at this moment. But I just can't gather up my words. I feel so bad, He's done so much for me and all I do is this.
I should be happy right? He would be happy too. But I feel like I wasted all his precious time to end up with me not dying. Why do I feel guilty? This is the best thing to ever happen. But why do I feel bad? He would love to know that I'm not dying. But why? Just why? Why am I like this?
I really want to tell you niki.
but the truth actually is I'm scared that you'd leave me.
I know that you love me too much to the point you wouldn't. But there's also a chance that you would.
I'm just a coward.
so for now I'll just lie to you, 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝘄𝗲 𝗵𝘂𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗲'𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝗴𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘁. I'm so sorry Niki.
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𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐓𝐄