When We Ached - Book Three

Nine

I haven't been able to concentrate on my work all day. The catalogs only stared back at me while I tapped my nails against the wooden desk.

My thoughts were in disarray, completely muddled, and chaotic. My worst fear was just becoming true. In the last three years, I have been thinking about the possibility of crossing paths with him again, being able to hear his voice, and look into his russet-brown eyes. How was I supposed to handle it?

I was scared of drowning in that bewitching color again, of getting enthralled by the sound of his voice and the way my name rolled off his lips. I was scared of succumbing to his charms and letting myself consider the thought of... Owning his heart again. That very same heart of gold that loved me once.

That faint smirk on his face made it crystal clear that he knew how he affected me still. My treacherous body responded to his touch in the most forbidden ways, it longed for it. The way his fingers traced my skin - reluctant, uncertain, and a lot more passionate. I could sense the fear binding his touch; as if I were a fragile glass he was afraid to break. A silent prayer barely slipping through his lips or a cold, abated clash of the smoldering lava and a floating glacier.

But how could he break something that was already broken?

And while he commended this relationship with execution and shattered my heart, his mere presence made it beat again.

I'd spent years erasing his vestiges from the depth yet it took only one look from him - one touch, to bring them back to life again.

I didn't hate how he affected me, I never did. But maybe, I was a lot more aware than I wanted to be, and that kind of stung. There wasn't even a slight bit of hatred for Ethan in me, only weakness.

He'd never given me a reason to hate him, he just ruined what we had halfway and that's what hurt the most. Sometimes when some things are left in the middle, they hurt for a really long time. Even if you technically got closure.

But have we? Emotionally?

I sighed and pushed the thoughts to the back of my head. Stealing a glance from my wristwatch, I realized my tasks were overdue. Shit.

I packed the catalogs in a box and slid my purse over my shoulder. I'd better get these done tonight at home.

After exiting the building, I considered calling a cab since the box was heavier than I'd assumed. I wasn't that confident driving to work still so I couldn't bring my car. I only practiced driving on the weekends.

I didn't see Xander at work today, otherwise, he would have insisted. Although I wouldn't have taken him up on it, he was already doing too much for me. Even if I apologized for leaving him hanging in the bar, I still felt bad. The poor guy kept blowing up my phone and I didn't answer. Well, I couldn't talk to anyone. Not even Reem.