Repressed, Depressed and Possessed - (Ruth Harris Series)

Chapter 26

'Ruth? Ruth Harris? Is that you?' came an excited voice from behind me. I didn't recognise it. Nervously, I turned to see a tall, slender redhead gushing with exhilaration and standing a bit too close.
'That's me, yeah.' From her bursting stance I could tell I was missing something. It would probably take a while to sort out, so I checked that Mama was still a way off and dropped the potatoes I was holding into the shopping trolley.
'Oh no. You don't remember me, do you?'
               The girl turned serious, fidgeting. 'Oh, damn, I've embarrassed myself. You don't even know who I am and here I am making a complete and utter fool of my-'
'Susie Q!' I suddenly gasped.
'No way!'
'Blimey! We've missed her! She ain't changed a bit.'
'Still crazy I bet.'
               I had to blink a few times to be sure it really was her. Her nervous nature reminded me of a friend I had six years ago.
               She nodded in response, her jumpy elation returning.
'Hasn't it just been forever? You look wonderful!' Susie smiled through her lie. I looked homeless, with dark roots seeping into my pink hair and even darker circles around my eyes. Sleep had abandoned me when I did Mike. I was wearing a baggy shirt that still smelled of him over a pair of jeans, which had a hole in one knee.
'So do you.' I fibbed back. In all honesty, her anorexia was painfully apparent and her frame shook at the breeze of every passer-by. The skin on her face was clinging to the bone, although she was still a very pretty young woman, with beautifully bright hair and grey, wild eyes.
               'How have you been?' I added when she lingered.
'Good.' Her answer came quickly. 'Very good. And yourself?'
'Er, a-actually, not, not great. I just got out of a relationship. My first, really.' My chest pulled tight.
'Why are you telling her?'
'You think she cares!?'
'Oh, chicken, I'm so sorry. How are you dealing with that?'
'Well, my mother has been babysitting me to make sure I don't do something stupid,' I pointed over at her, 'so not great.'
'I-I'm really sorry, Ruth. If it's any consolation, I would be right back at the loony bin if that happened to me.'
'Then she probably shouldn't be out yet.' Dr Fischer remarked. Susie continued,
'I think you're very strong - and it's good to have people who care about you.'
'Yeah, thanks.' I said, itching to leave, but her lanky frame seemed to surround me. 'Anything new with you then?'
'I got out!' she chuckled. 'You?'
'Oh, I haven't been back to a psych hospital since, well, we were kids. It's been rocky to say the least, but I'm still standing.'
'Preaching to the choir.' Susie's smile wavered slightly, but soon strengthened again. I had never really seen that expression on her face - smiling isn't all that common amongst rejected, suicidal teens, unless havoc was being wreaked.
               'So, you're living with your mum then?'
'Yeah.' I answered. 'I had my own place for a few years, but, er, then, crap happened, and she adopted me back.' Why was I telling her about this? Don't normal people just have a quick chat when they run into old friends? Don't they just talk about their jobs or cars or or the weather or something?
'That's good - I mean, not about the crap, but I'm glad you're with family. Last time we spoke, you said you'd never talk to your mum again without a knife in your hand!'
               Susie had meant it lightly, but my eyes still glazed over with shame. I don't think she noticed.
'Yeah.' I said, forcing a light-hearted smile. 'I had a lot of issues back then - but, I guess I've learnt to leave that kind of anger behind.' Susie didn't take her eyes off me as I spoke. 'I've worked it out with her. She's been good to me through this breakup and, well, with lots of other things.'
'Been a tough year, has it?'
'Why is this girl getting so personal? Leave us alone!'
'No, it's good for Ruth to get this off her chest. God knows no one else is around to tell.'
'Susie, every year is a tough year.' I finally said, although I couldn't bring myself to smirk about it yet. 'What about you? Where are you staying?'
'Here in Woolston! My parents moved down here about a month ago, and with my history I can't exactly work to support myself. So, wherever they go, I have to go. But I don't mind it: I was actually hoping to bump into you!'
'That's good news, Susie Q. I'm glad I got to see you again.'
'Likewise! Maybe we can meet up some time? Not in Tesco, obviously.'
               We smiled as heartily as two psychos could.
'That would be really nice.' I forced myself to say. Truthfully I wasn't looking to make any new relationships right now. Hunter learned that the hard way.
'Yeah, well, you know us headcases need to stick together out here in the big bad world.' Susie laughed. I tried to. It came out as more of a sighed purr, as if I was a cat who had been tortured repeatedly and then left for dead in a back alley.
               Susie continued her fast, almost jittery conversation. 'You know, things haven't been much fun without you around.'
               I finally managed a grin.
'Thanks, Susie Q. We had some good times in the ward, didn't we?' Some of the memories made me want to snort; others made me want to carve my heart out with a blunt knife.
'Ohhh yeah.' Susie gushed. 'Do you remember the night we snuck into the TV room between checks and smashed up the telly, so Martha couldn't show us any more boring tapes of her dead husband?'
               Now I really did smile. Blaze probably had a less blurry recollection of that night, but I was not about to ask him to fill me in on the details. 'Yeah! That was awesome. How is Marty? Oh, and Tizzy?'
'Dead.' Susie said. My eyes widened.
'Why are you so surprised? After the years of struggling you've had since escaping that prison, surely you understand why some people couldn't cope anymore? I mean, you've nearly finished yourself off a few times. You're just one of the lucky ones.'
'Lucky. Ha. Good one, Julie.'
               'Oh.' I sighed. Susie and I shared a brief moment of silence before another funny memory sprang to my mind. 'Hey, what about the time we ran through the men's ward naked and got our sleeping pills taken away for a month!?'
'Ah, that was one of the best things we ever did!' Susie giggled loudly. 'Some of them didn't stop screaming for hours, and some of them didn't even notice us! - Oh, and you said that 'some of them just got that kick they needed to stay content for the rest of their miserable lives'!'
               We chuckled together. It felt nice. Unfamiliar, but nice.
               'Oh dear.' Susie wiped a joyous tear from her eyes. 'You used to get me in such trouble, Ruth. We couldn't sleep a wink for a whole month!'
'Hey now, you were the one who suggested it in the first place, remember? You said it would be 'empowering' or whatever - what a joke! Those screams of shock totally obliterated what little self esteem I had left!'
'Oh please, you were the most popular girl there and you know it. You practically ran that mental hospital. Even the staff loved you - and they were crazier than us!'
'Yeah, that's not something to be proud of.'
               We anxiously laughed together for a little while longer, before a handsome man approached us and tapped Susie on the shoulder. He was tall, muscular, with a neat appearance and an angular, yet boyish, face. He had sandy hair. I thought it was Hunter for one blissful second.
               'Sorry to interrupt, Suze, but we need to get a move on or we'll be late.' Susie smiled at him lovingly for a second, then tensed and dropped eye contact with both of us.
'Okay. I just need one more minute.'
'Alright babe.' Then he glanced over at me. 'Ladies.' He nodded slightly and sauntered away again. Susie stayed very still and silent.
               'Is...is he nice? To you?' I croaked at long last. Jealousy is such an ugly emotion.
'Yeah. He's lovely. We met a few weeks ago. He's not cuckoo.' She smiled again. So, I forced a smile back and said,
'I'm happy for you, Susie Q.' I reached out to shake her hand. It was the most physical contact I could manage right now. We had been best friends once: inseparable, until separated by the capricious paths of life.
               'Oh! Hang on.' Susie rummaged around in her bag and pulled out a crinkled piece of paper and a pencil. She wrote down her phone number. 'Here. You have a phone? Good, call me. Any time. Please.' Then, after one more warm smile passed between us, she dashed away.
               'Who was that?' Mama asked brightly as she came back into view, her arms stuffed with pasta, lasagne sheets and pissata pots.
'An old friend.'
'Oh! From school or, er, somewhere else?'
'From the mental hospital. Susie. She's nice.'
'Did you get her number?'
'Yeah. I think I'll give her a call.'
'That's great!'