Repressed, Depressed and Possessed - (Ruth Harris Series)

Chapter 17

Mama finished wiping away my blood and tears, and then stayed for a candid heart-to-heart. (She never did end up calling the police.) We had had a lot of deep chats lately, but that's not the conversation I want to tell you about next. I think this one is more significant...

'Hunter?'
'You know there isn't a time difference between Southampton and Leeds, right?' Hunter grumbled through a sleepy voice. 'You don't have to wait to wait until 3 am to call me.'
'Y-you're right. I'm sorry. I'll hang up -'
'Don't.' said Hunter, unusually forcefully. 'Er, just, I know you wouldn't have called me if it wasn't important.' I paused to breathe. Here I was, talking to Hunter in the early hours of the morning instead of my boyfriend, again; why?
'Well, I, I didn't have anyone else to turn to. I spoke to Mama for a bit but, but, it's just not the same.'
'What do you mean? I don't have anything to offer.'
'You know that's not true, Hunter. You understand me. You - you always have. Mama talks to me like she's googled 'how to talk to mentally ill people'. I need someone a bit more...' I waited for him to help me out but he didn't. 'Well, you know! Personal. Perceptive.'
               I heard only silence. 'Hunter?'
'Yeah?'
'Did you hear what I said?'
'...Yeah.'
'Okay.'
'So what do you want to talk to me about, then?' He sounded tired and slightly frustrated. I looked down at his picture in my phone.
'Forget it. I should just call you another time -'
'It's fine.' After a few seconds, he sighed. 'I, I'm sorry. I just keep wondering if Mike's there. I don't want him to know we're talking. He'd get mad.'
'He won't. He's not here. We, we had a fight.'
'What? Did he touch you?' My lips pursed like they used to when someone asked what Bertie and I had been doing upstairs for so long. Doing it made me want to yell, scream, shout, cry - anything but stay silent. But my lips wouldn't move. '...Ruth?'
'Okay fine, he did but it was my fault -'
'I'll kill him.' Hunter said in a tone I didn't like. He swore and said again, 'I'll kill him.'
'Listen, Hunter, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. But you have to know that I started it, not Mike. I-I hit him.' I shrivelled up my nose, awaiting the judgement to come from righteous, gentle Hunter. Instead I practically heard his racing thoughts halt.
'Really?'
'Yeah.'
'Hard?'
'Er, yeah. I suppose.' Now Hunter had an indecently obvious grin on his face.
'Good for you. Your first step to getting even.'
'I'm sorry, Hunter, I know you don't want to talk about Mike.'
'Hey, Ruth, don't apologise. Tell me everything.' and I heard his bed creak as he sat up and crossed his legs.
'Thank you, Hunter. Thanks, for, well, being around for me.'
'Hey, what are friends for?'

Friends. I liked the sound of that. I liked it so much that I told him everything: everything except the bruises on my wrist. So, I really didn't tell him much. But he listened.

*

It took me and Mike a long time to get over that night. We forgave each other quite early on; after all, neither of us had hurt one more than the other. Forgetting was the laborious part. After my phone call with Hunter I felt so much better and so much worse. He had consoled me until I felt my normal level of unsettled again, but he thought Mike was a villain who deserved to be locked up, and I didn't. By the end of the call I realised that if I could not trust Mike, I would lose faith in love entirely, so I locked that thought up in a little box in my brain and threw away the key. Mike can be trusted. Mike can be trusted. Mike can be trusted. Mike can be trusted.
               That being said, any advances from my boyfriend towards me for a few weeks afterwards only made me nervous - and not the good kind of nervous that we both felt when we got within a foot of each other. It was like my stomach's butterfly infestation had returned with the force of a thousand suns and I wanted to meltdown every time he touched me. We were unpredictable people in an even more unpredictable world, and sometimes I just wanted - needed - some regularity. I needed it from other people until I could find it in myself.