Repressed, Depressed and Possessed - (Ruth Harris Series)

Chapter 15

I sat up in bed all night, thinking about what Jonathan had said. Mike fell asleep beside me so I watched his tranquil frame as I pondered over our relationship. I did love Mike. I did. He made me feel good, not just by his words but by his actions. He was kind and generous and yes, he had a short fuse when it came to his flashbacks, but he was patient with me. He was loyal and sweet and clingy and I loved that. I needed that. I even loved his mannerisms: the way he stood up tall like the soldier he was, and the way he kissed me and held my hand and tensed up around strangers. He was everything I wanted, and I had him. I would not let him go because a group counsellor had some concerns. I had seen enough films to know that fear had no place around love - you either dive in, or trudge back up the sand. Dipping your toe in the water first is not an option.

'Who beat you up back in June?' Jonathan had asked. 'Did you ever find out who it was?' The uncertainty had haunted me ever since the day Andy took Hunter home. They hadn't come back since. Every time I felt sure it was him, Emilia reminded me of the night he helped us clean up Mama's makeup from off the duvet and curtains: reminded me of how she swiped lipstick across his face and he laughed: reminded me of Hunter's drooped face when we had finished and he had to return to his room. But as soon as these memories had ended new ones stepped in, and I would find myself unsure of those pleading, green eyes as he told me it was Mike and not him. Then I would think he was just jealous of Mike's relationship with me and lashed out in anger, and I'd blame him once more. And then, finally, I'd be left feeling frustratingly confused as I recalled childhood memories: every time Hunter sat with me as I cried, every time he stole glances at me even though it meant Andy would score a goal against him, every time he came to my aid, and lingered in the house when Andy wasn't around. He had been my only friend in the world; closer than a brother in times of tribulation; but now, he was 250 miles away thinking I hated his guts.

I didn't blame Mike one bit for my most recent hospitalisation, and I was starting to disenthrall Hunter from suspicion too. That only left one person to blame:

Blaze.

With such a disturbing name in my head, I lost control of my body and could not get the reins back until my phone was ringing a number I would never have otherwise called.

'Ruth?'
'H-Hunter?' I damn near knocked the phone out of my own hands!
'What's going on?' Hunter cleared his disoriented, sleepy throat. 'It's, four in the morning.' He sounded a little less than pleased to have my picture lighting up his phone. I, on the other hand, was still in shock that it ever had.
'Talk, idiot!'
'Oh, right, right. Er, I know, Hunter. I'm sorry. I-I just, I had to talk to you.'
'Well, go ahead. I don't have much to say.'
'Please, Hunter. I-I, I'm scared.' My hands were trembling so excessively that I put my phone down on the ridge of my bath and sat tensely beside it. The door was shut between Mike and me.
'What? Why?' He sounded much more alert now. 'Did Mike do something? Because I told him if he ever laid a finger on you again I'd -'
'No, no Hunter. It's nothing like that. Mike's the perfect gentleman to me.' We both sighed.
'Ruth, he's not who you think he is. Please don't ignore me, he's dangerous and I - I, I just don't want you to get hurt again.'
               I let silence take the call for a long while. Hunter was making no effort to speak either, so later rather than sooner, I whispered,
'Mike's not dangerous.'
'Why would I make it up?' he argued. I wasn't conceited enough to consciously think 'jealousy', let alone say out loud. 'Look, er, it's late, Ruth. Is there anything else because I have work -'
'Yeah. There is. Hunter, I know I had that dream about you shouting and everything -'
'At Mike. I was shouting at Mike, who beat you up and then, by the way, wasn't even questioned but I was arrested!'
'Would you just listen to me?' I spoke as loudly as I dared. Mike was snoring away on the bed, and I really didn't want him to know that I had left him in the middle of the night to talk to another man. If the tables were turned I would have been irreconcilably heartbroken. I probably would have thrown a few things across the room... 'I'm trying to say that I don't blame you anymore, Hunter. I think you're innocent.'
'Brilliant.' Hunter grumbled. 'So I'm off the hook, Mike's off the hook...then what the hell do you think happened Ruth? Bruises don't just appear -'
'I think it was Blaze.'
               Hunter fell silent for what felt like an eternity. 'Hunter, are you still there?'
'I'm here.'
'Did you hear what I said?'
'I wish I hadn't.'
'Why?' I knelt down beside the bath, and for a second felt like I was back in Mike's flat after our careless night together four months ago. I felt naked. Ashamed.
'Seriously? Why!? Because, Ruth, you're probably going to hang up after this phone call and go back to bed, and I bet Mike's there.' I gulped. 'And what's more is, he's evil and he hurt you once, and there's nothing I can do to stop it from happening again which terrifies me! And now you're blaming yourself!? Blaze is history, Ruth. He's gone.'
'Hunter,' I whispered plaintively, 'they're never really gone.'
'I'm not trying to upset you - are you upset now? I'm sorry. But you're blaming your own alter and that hurts me.'
'Why would it hurt you?'
'Because you thought I was an abuser, and now you think I'm a liar.' Hunter paused for just a moment and then hung up the phone.