So, if you're just now picking up this book, put it down.
That is unless you've already read the first one, then welcome!
And for all of ya's who think they're cool enough to skip the first one, just don't do it.
Too much has gone down, and you'll be hopelessly lost. You lost isn't good for me; I have no patience to coddle you and answer all your precious little questions.
So why don't you do us all a favor and come back after you've got the rundown. Otherwise, you'll be upset and confused, then I'll be upset and forget where I am in the story trying to regurgitate the past 6 months of my life to you. You'll be asking questions that I really don't want to answer, then you'll be mad at me, and I'll probably end up hitting you or Derek will, and it's a vicious cycle, so just don't do it.
Put the book down and come back when you are prepared to take this seriously. Bu-bye now.
God, the nerve of some people.
Okay, deep breath Scarlett, you've got some lovely people to entertain.
Alright, I'm calm!
Okay, so how is everybody?
Good?
Good.
So, you're probably pretty confused right now that I'm alive, right?
Maybe some of you are weeping with joy, yes?
Good, that's what I like to hear! And Derek told me no one would give a shit about me journaling my life, take that jackass!
Okay, so what did everybody think about our dramatic ending, huh?
Pretty soul-crushing, right?
And after you put so much faith into us too.
Sorry, the guys don't really like small talk, and 5-7-year-olds don't really hold much of a conversation unless there's princesses, dinosaurs, or princess-dinosaur-unicorns, so I'm a little people deprived.
Never mind, I'll just get on with the story.
Be strong, my friends.
