Up To My Neck In You (Sequel to Walk All Over You)

Chapter Fifty-Four

"Yeah, but you also have every reason to give it one last shot too." Nikki reasoned.

"Yeah and if it bloody goes to shit, Nik? That's it for me. I can't deal with relationships, I'm too scared of being hurt!" I finally look back at him. I could feel my emotions going wild, not in a good way either. "I'm not the girl I use to be, not anymore. She was gullible, she fell for someone and refused to look at all of the red flags. She got incredibly hurt in the process of all of that. She got hurt because she loved you with all her heart and didn't hold back, even if she knew that this love was fucking damned to begin with." I could feel the lump at the back of my throat and my eyes beginning to sting. "Now I see all of those red flags and find it hard to look pass them, because when I do, it's going to hurt me bad."

"Sue, I'm not here to hurt you." Nikki knitted his eyebrows together.

"Maybe you aren't Nikki, but the pain is never ending. It's a cycle. We are together, things are looking great. Then something happens, jealousy, or we fight. Then you leave and find yourself another girl for the night, I find out and crumble. Then I go out and do the same just to make you feel what I felt. It's one big fucking cycle." The tears start rolling down my cheeks. "I don't want that, Nik. It's too bloody hard."

Nikki sighed, removing himself from his seat and picking up the chair. Carrying it around the table and putting it down beside me, he sat down. Leaning in close to me, he wrapped his arms around my body, cuddling me.

"I don't want that either, Sue." He kissed the top of my head. "I'm done with the fucking drama. My goal is you. To have you for the rest of my life. And I ain't gonna fuck that shit up, not now. I've done that one too many times." He murmured. "That's why I want us to at least try again, with a clean slate."

"Nikki, you don't understand. It will NEVER be a clean slate." I lean into him. "I'll never forget what has happened, what you have put me through. What I've put myself through over you."

Nikki continues to hold onto me, for a moment he listened. "That's why if we-"

Before I let Nikki finish, I quickly told him off. "I swear to god, Nik. If you pull out a bloody engagement ring right now, I'll toss you over the side and into the bloody water." I warn him.

Nikki chuckled. "I don't have an engagement ring on me, and if I did? I sure as hell would not propose right now! You've rejected me once, that was bad enough." With one arm he began to caress my body.

"Good." I forced a laugh, even though I had been silently crying.

"We need to try one more time, Sue. This time I'm gonna be a better man to you, this time I'm not letting you go. I need you by my side, I want you to be by my side. I want to marry you, I want to start a fucking family with you. Man, even if we buy a dog first, or a house. Something!" Nikki's voice was a little strained, but by the end of his sentence he sounded happier.

"I already own a house, Nik." I mumbled.

"We could sell that and buy something else, something just for us. Start completely fresh together?" He suggested.

"What about Mick, Vince and Tom?" I turned my head to see Nikki's face. "I don't know if you have forgotten, but that house was a home to all four of you."

"Babe, they can manage on their own. They have money, they can fucking use it." Nikki's frowned. "It's about time that they stand on their own, instead of relying on you."

"What kind of house would we buy?" I sniffle.

"Anything you would like, as long as it's in the area I'd like and it's enough room to move around on. Hell, Sue, we could even build our own place if you wanted?" Nikki's eyes twinkled as he smiled.