A Bullet (Ruby Rose fanfic)

FOURTEEN (ISELEN POV)

I'm out and it's amazing and exciting... However, it's weird and overwhelming too, I feel insecure and scared, not only because I'm surrounded by the members of an Irish gang who are heavily armed and about punching a guy's face to force him to give information, but because the real world seems hostile. I hate Bayview with passion but I know the building is safe and well-protected, a microcosm where you only have to avoid fighting with girls who are in the same situation. You won't be hit by a car, you don't have to pay the mortgage or the electric bill, it's not comfortable but you have a bed to sleep, food, clothes, hot water... if you get up early. The officers and the governor control your life but they also spare you the important decisions that will determine your fate if you screw things up out here, they take a load off your back somehow.

NY citizens' concerns seem odd to me... and I've been only 4 months down. The shock when you leave a prison after spending years locked up must be amazing and devastating and I understand why so many inmates have problems to adjust to their new lives. The world goes on here and priorities are different, they don't pay attention to the car air-con as if it wasn't a privilege and a delicious burger is just a lunch. But the first bite almost brought tears to my eyes, though, and I could only think of bringing some to the girls so they can feel it too. Luckily, there's one thing that hasn't changed: Ruby takes care of me here too, I feel her eyes watching me nonstop despite her brain is focused on tonight's operation. Seamus is lovely and his friends surround me protectively the same way the Irish car does in prison, I don't feel overwhelmed by them, quite the contrary, I feel like a Hollywood star followed by a handful of bodyguards.

Maybe I should consider it a new job... who would have thought I'd be such a good actress? I was praying not to screw things up when I was walking to the cafeteria with Moina, I was hoping that the inmates could believe the show and no one noticed my anxiety... Seeing Ruby leaning forward very close to the face of that pretty girl helped a little since the pang of jealousy threw me into the role suddenly. I knew it was all fake buy got upset by her ability to flirt and the way everybody around her thought it was normal, like I hadn't been there for the past 4 months. The charade was perfect in the end although my anxiety skyrocketed when they shoved me in the isolation cell and, for the first time since I arrived to Bayview, I was alone without Ruby and the girls. That scared me more than the small cage itself, the oppressive atmosphere and the lack of amenities... I used to be an introvert but now I know I don't like loneliness and quietness.

"Iselen, this is for you, just in case..." Seamus whisper echoes through the alley while he opens the trunk and hands me a gun, smaller than the one he gave Ruby, but equally lethal probably. My girlfriend grimaces behind him while the boys watch the street and the building where our target lives.

"It won't be necessary, I'll take care of her..."

"But things can get loco, you said that..." Seamus cuts her off, staring at her baffled. "If she was able to shoot at that asshole of a boyfriend Adara had, I'm sure she won't mind doing it today as long as she leaves this place alive."

"You're right," I answer pretending to be more confident than I really feel and taking the gun, I check the magazine and safety, and shove it in my jeans waist hiding it under the T-shirt. Seamus smiles approvingly and walks around the vehicle to sit down on the driver's seat, where he'll wait for us in case we need to escape from here quickly, while my girl stares at me in shock... she knows I wasn't the one who shot, after all.

"How the hell do you...?" She whispers in disbelief.

"Adara showed me how to do it long time ago because she wanted me to feel comfortable with a gun in the apartment, we don't see one of these in Spain unless we work as a police officer or something like that, but I've never shot and checking the magazine and the safety is the only thing I can do..." I shrug and she nods.