Write Me A Letter

39 | hold

CHAPTER THIRTY NINE | H O L D

           WARMTH. TINGLING WARMTH. It was all Brie could feel all over her body. From the tip of her toes, up to the tip of her nose. They all felt like they were humming silently with ticklish tingles that made her stomach flip and fold. She couldn't remember how it played out exactly. It started with her searching for a comfortable spot in the middle of watching Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation. She twisted and turned, leaned back and forward, only to end up lying down. Then the next thing she knew, she was curled up against Ollie.

He was her big spoon. His chest pressed against her back and his arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace that smelled of fresh lemons and the ocean breeze. Brie couldn't fight the smile that bloomed on her face every time he'd absentmindedly play with her hands, slotting his fingers between the spaces of hers, and then tracing her skin with his thumb. She tried to hide it by sinking further in his embrace, lips pursed and cheeks puffed with air. It was stupid when her back was turned to Ollie and there was no way for him to see how much she was struggling to hold it in, but a small part of her was sure that he could tell.

She couldn't find the right word for it—she couldn't think straight. All she knew was that her heart was no longer pounding as if it was seconds away from exploding. In fact, it had settled into a calm, steady rhythm, like the seas in the morning after a heavy storm. It was as if her heart knew that it was safe.

Despite that, Brie believed that the sense of security she was feeling right now could be far more dangerous than anything that had hurt her before. It could break her far worse than anyone ever did.

Her breath hitched when Ollie's other hand landed on her hip.

"Is this alright?" His breath fanned against the back of her ears and she bit her lip, trying to still herself from shivering.

Her reply came after a shaky exhale. "It's alright."

"Am I hurting your back?"

She shook her head. The medicine he gave her kicked in half-an-hour ago. If there was anything she could feel, it was the slowly-spreading blush on her cheeks.

Was it okay for friends to be in such a compromising position with tangled limbs and bodies pressed so close they could feel each other's heartbeats? Brie wasn't sure. She was scared to put a definite answer if it was okay or not, but there was one thing she was certain about—she didn't mind to have him this close. Tonight, tomorrow and all the days to come.

"Are you still watching?" Ollie whispered to her after awhile. His was head slotted in the crook of her neck and it was almost ticklish. "Jeremy Renner is still alive."

She chuckled, peering at the screen. "He didn't die in this movie. I wouldn't have rewatched this if he did. Are you still watching?"

"No." Ollie hugged her tighter and they both released long exhales of satisfaction. It was only today that Brie discovered how fullfiling it was to be hugged. "You distract me."

That made her frown.

As much as she didn't want to, Brie scooted away from Ollie and turned so she could see him. Looking into his eyes felt as intimate as having him pressed against her. This wasn't the first time that Brie was this near to Ollie, but every time they'd be in the same position, she always felt like she was pulled out of her body.

Ollie's dark blue eyes were pools of undiluted emotion, deep and dark enough for anyone to be swallowed in and left drowning. Often, they were concealed with humor but right now, in the wee hours of the morning with only her yellow lampshade illuminating them, they were unmasked, unfiltered. Raw and honest as they ran over every curve of her face and watched her with silent adoration.

"How could I ever distract you?" Her voice was soft and scared, mirroring exactly how she felt in that moment.

It was her insecurities speaking again, wondering how on earth would she ever become a distraction to anyone, especially to Ollie who was as bright as the sun.

Ollie playfully pressed her nose and gave her a small smile. It was tinged with enough sadness to land a soft punch to Brie's chest. She laid there on her side, hands still enclosed in his as she anticipated for his reply.

As if mulling over his next words, Ollie's gaze fell down to their joined hands, and hers followed. Together, they gave each other gentle touches with smiles on their faces. "You've always been my distraction, Brie. You just never knew because you've always been busy looking at someone else."

There was a longer silence after that.

Brie worked hard to remember all the times that he tried to make her laugh, how he was always the first one to save her, how he was always there. It almost left her breathless as her eyes began to blur with tears. "Ollie..."

How could she not know? How could she stay so blind? How could she not accept what she knew all along?

He shook his head. "You don't have to say anything yet. I know you're still trying to move on from him and I don't want to pressure you. I did that before and I don't wanna do it again. If there's one thing—"

"Ollie," she interrupted. He gave her an embarrassed grin and wrinkled his nose. "I don't think I have feelings for Xander anymore."

Ollie's eyes widened. "You don't?"

"I—" she started, only to stop. She didn't know why she suddenly feel embarrassed.

"No!" Ollie laughed. "You gotta tell me! You can't stop now."

"I knew for awhile," she began, lifting her uncertain eyes to meet his from time to time, "but I couldn't tell until recently. I don't know... this is all knew to me. I've liked him for a really long time and I almost don't know what it feels like to not like him. I don't know what to say."

Ollie stopped her from covering her face. "Hey, it's okay. There's no rush. We don't have to do something about it now. I get it."

"You do?"

He nodded. "Yes, yes I do. We don't have to draw clear lines yet, okay? We have all the time in the world. Now you better focus on Ethan Hunt before he comes breaking down your window."

"That joke was so lame. You better leave soon before Mom and Hugh find—"

A kiss on her forhead made her shut up. She blinked up at him, eyes wide and mouth agape. Did he just...? At the question in her eyes, he grinned then kissed the tip of her nose. She was waiting for the butterflies to come, for her chest to explode and feel like they erupted in petals and fairy dust. But instead, she felt her heart settle as she grinned as wide as him.

Was this how it felt to be really happy?

When she thought she finally reached her quota for that night, Ollie scooted even closer and pressed his forehead against her. She watched him close his eyes, feeling her chest tighten with joy when a small smile remained on his lips, the same soft pair that just left burning kisses on her skin.

"Stay like that," he said. "Don't move. Don't close your eyes."

Her brows furrowed. "Why?"

His lids remained closed. "I'm savoring this moment that you finally chose to look at me."

And so with a beam, she decided to look at him that night, and hopefully all the nights after that.