Write Me A Letter

1 | s m i l e

CHAPTER ONE | H I S  S M I L E

        AUBRIE DONNELLY COULD ONLY WISH that picking a colored paper for her letter to Alexander was as easy as it sounds—the truth was, it was as hard as writing the whole letter itself.

She had been standing idly in front of her desk; still undecided whether it was time to sit down or not, and absolutely conflicted whether a powdered blue color was more suited for unrequited love, or a pastel yellow.

She picked up the two sheets and scrutinized them both with pursed lips. Yellow on the right, and blue on her left. If she was being honest, powdered blue appeared to be really... well, sad. Whereas the yellow one looked just so hopeful. She didn't know which one was worse.

Aubrie placed the pieces back down and sighed. Why was this so hard? Why was everything related to Xander... so hard? With another sigh, she decided it was no use of thinking too hard about it when she could just find the answer out herself. Just a quick phone call and her dilemma would be over. A few swipes of her thumb, and then, voila!—bandage ripped off.

There was no use in trying to figure out on her own what his reaction would be. After all, it wasn't as if she would be writing a love letter per se. It was more of an I-wanna-get-over-you-but-I-can't one. Now decided, she sat down, whipped out her phone from her shorts' pockets, and called his number.

Instead of calming her, the steady rings from the other line only brought Aubrey more stress than she was accounted for. Pathetic, she mouthed the word to herself again and again and again, bouncing her leg until she heard Xander's voice from the other line. She stilled.

"Brie? What's up?" His words sounded slurred and there was a faint sound of dubstep music playing in the background.

Brie's chest clenched. He was at Izzy Fence's party; the pretty girl from their American Government class who also happened to be obviously interested in Xander. Simon often teased him about it at lunch, and though Brie was aware and conscious about the 'hot brunette' from American Gov, she never realized that it'd be a problem. How could she when Xander just kept laughing and shaking his head every time Simon would mention it?

Now she regretted not paying more attention to Izzy.

"You're at Izzy's," she said, her tone flat. An amused snort came from the other line, and her heart all but jumped.

"Yes, I'm at Izzy's," he drawled, "is that a problem?"

Yes. Of course, it is. "No."

A moment of tension-filled silence reigned over them in which Brie struggled to come up with something that would make her sound less stupid and hurt. She was rehearsing how to say 'duh' with finesse in her head when Xander let out a boisterous and obviously drunk laugh. "I'm just messing with you, Brie! You don't have to be so uptight about it."

Phew. Brie let out an awkward laugh that made her wince. "Yeah, of course, I know that. You were just messing around. I mean, it doesn't have to be awkward between us after what I said and the letter, right? I mean--come on, you're Xander and I'm Brie and we're... um."

She was supposed to say best friends but she realized that they weren't. They were just friends who hung out with the same crowd and Brie just so happened to like Xander and his nice black hair and pretty almond-shaped eyes. To be fair, they were more of an'um' than anything else after she stupidly confessed her feelings to him after stupidly listening to her gut-feel and infatuated fantasies.

Pro-tip number one: don't.  Confessing your undying feelings just because he said that you looked better with your new haircut might not mean a thing. He may just be trying to be polite.

"Yeah... uh, about that..." Xander drawled out, "I'm really sorry, Brie. I know I've said it a thousand times, but still, sorry. I wish I could return um... whatever it is that you feel for me but—"

"Oh quit it," Brie said, cutting him off before he could cut her heart with his next words, "no biggie. Just keep responding to my letters until I can move on. I heard that it's an effective way to move on."

Another lie. That one she made up when she stupidly and impulsively told Xander to "write" her a letter instead when he was about to tell her the line of how she was great and all but just wasn't his type. It was as if her mouth had a mind of its own and the words spewed out. She couldn't control it, or didn't have the energy to, but who could blame her? Nobody wanted to hear rejection. At least not hopelessly in love girls like Brie.

"Hmm."

She looked down at her desk where the blue and yellow colored papers laid. No backing out now. "So the reason I called is to ask whether you like blue or yellow."

He laughed. "What?"

"Blue or yellow? Which one do you prefer."

"Um, okay you're really asking me this at what--twelve-thirty a.m?"

"Shut up and just answer the damn question."

"Er... blue, I guess?"

Great. Sad and heartbroken it was. Just the perfect color she was looking for. The urge to strangle her first love was getting stronger by the second. "Okay, I'll use a blue-colored paper for your letter."

"Brie," Xander said, sounding as if he was half-amused and half sympathizing with her, "you don't have to ask me about the color or whatever. You can pick whatever it is you like. I don't mind."

Of course, he didn't mind. That was what everyone else would say until they had her tear-stained letter in their hands. She rolled her eyes. "Okay then. I'll uh... goodbye?"

"Okay. Bye, Brie."

"Bye, Xander. Get home—" Safe, she should've added, but the line was already dead. Brie sighed, tapping her phone against her thigh and twisting a lock of her brown hair around her finger. She wanted to scream. She was feeling jealous again, the kind of jealousy she wasn't accounted for. Xander wasn't her boyfriend, not even a fling. But how she hated Izzy Fence's straight brown hair and pretty brown eyes that looked dreamy with her perfectly executed winged eyeliner.

Brie looked at the small hand mirror that was perched against the wall of her desk and stared into her light blue eyes and the freckles that dotted her round and pink cheeks, feeling like she was about to cry. Stupid, she thought, wiping the first tear that fell. It wasn't like she was ugly. Her mom told her that she had pretty eyes and her friends said that her freckles were cute. Yes, she could lose some of her baby fat and she always felt awkward about her arms while walking, but she was pretty enough. Yet no matter how much she kept on telling herself that she was beautiful in her own way and that someday, a guy would definitely run after her, she still couldn't help but feel inferior compared to Izzy Fence and all the other girls that Xander had dated. Because when it came to the matters of the heart, a pretty face was no guarantee, especially if it was Alexander Liu's heart on the line.