the only exception - paramore
play the song while reading this chapter
The digits on Seungcheol's clock showed him it was a little after 2 am. A long drawn out sigh escaped his lips as he, yet again, stared up at the plain white ceiling.
Jeonghan lay curled up in his arms, bare chests connected, heartbeats beating in unison. Everything about a night like this was supposed to be perfect. Being surrounded by Jeonghan's spring-like scent, having him wrapped tightly inside his arms, Jeonghan's arm around his chest with a tight grip, letting Seungcheol know he returned his love equally as much.
But when he looked down and saw his sleeping angel inside his broad arms he realized it wasn't. It wasn't perfect, because he saw in everything Jeonghan did how broken his heart already was. Jeonghan's vulnerability even showed off when he was asleep like this.
For the nth time that night tears started welling up in the corner of his eyes. Pain rose up from his chest and bloomed its way through his lungs, making it hard for him to breathe. He raised his hand to cover up his face, pinching the bridge of his nose as he freely let the tears roll over his face. He couldn't fight the urge to let it all out anymore.
Now Jeonghan was asleep he was finally able to let out all the emotions he didn't want the boy to see. Despite the fact that he trusted him with all he had, he couldn't hurt Jeonghan more with showing him the truth.
He might be a coward for that, but he had to help Jeonghan heal first.
And he hated it.
He hated he couldn't be able to help him heal for god knows how long. If he could even come back at all. Of course he was going to try his hardest to get away from whatever he had to do there as fast as he could. But what if Jeonghan turned against him.
Something that Seungcheol could understand from his point of view.
Jeonghan didn't deserve someone who would break his heart and come back a while later as if nothing ever happened. Jeonghan deserved someone he could actually build up something stable with.
And Seungcheol knew he wasn't that person.
Maybe it was just for the best.
But that thought hurt him only more and he had to suppress the sobs that were getting louder as Seungcheol couldn't even keep ahold of himself anymore. Burying his nose in the overwhelming scent of Jeonghan's hair only made everything worse.
It would be the last night of them being together. The last night Seungcheol could hold him safely in the warmth of his bare arms. The last night Seungcheol would be surrounded by the safety Jeonghan gave him too.
A feeling he had never experienced in his life before.
Before he met Jeonghan he didn't even believe in love. But how could he? When all emotions that surrounded him ever since he was born were frustration, anger and aggression. Not even to start about all the violence that was taught to him ever since he was a kid.
How would he even be able to love, let alone to have someone to love him back.
But Jeonghan was an exception. He showed him that he was able to love and to be loved. The boy that smells like spring and the salty water of the sea. The boy that gave him a home, a place he had never been to in his entire eighteen years of existing.
But also the boy who understood him. Who had been through a lot too. The boy who didn't even understood the concept of love himself until they met.
How on earth was he supposed to break his heart? Everything inside Seungcheol told him not to do it, but he knew that if he didn't do it a lot more would follow. Things that would made breaking a heart seem like the smallest thing to do. And Seungcheol absolutely couldn't let that happen to the only person he loved.
"Jeonghan.." He choked out as he looked down on the angel-like boy sleeping on his chest. The only thing the sleeping boy did was shift his position a little before he continued to sleep. "I-..I love you so much... p-please forgive me.."
Of course he didn't reply. Jeonghan was fast asleep and Seungcheol knew he should be asleep too. Although he knew he wouldn't get much sleep this night. His brain was working over hours and the worrying didn't seem to come to an end.
But Jeonghan was worth it. Every single minute he spent with him was precious to him and he wanted to take everything out of the time they had left together. Even with Jeonghan fast asleep and him slowly driving crazy as the clock counted off the minutes he got closer to that moment.
Jeonghan let out a soft tiny snore, making Seungcheol smile through his tears as he stared down at his boyfriend in adoration. He moved his hand down and brushed through his silky brown hair that fell over his face and entirely covered it up. With his fingers he pulled back his hair, revealing his face.
Through the haze of his tears he saw how Jeonghan's lips were slightly parted, resulting in the soft snores every now and then. His eyes were closed and his face relaxed. When Seungcheol dragged his finger over the skin of his now exposed forehead Jeonghan scrunched his nose a little, sensibly feeling something but in a too deep slumber to wake up from it.
Gently, Seungcheol pressed a long kiss on his forehead. Oh how he was going to miss his beautiful milky white skin against him. How he was going to miss him..
"Jeonghan.. I promise you.. H-Hannie.. I will c-come back.."
Jeonghan showed him how to love, so Seungcheol would come back for him to prove him his love.
Even if it meant he had to break his heart.
Seungcheol would give everything he got.
Because for the first time in his life, he loved someone.
