All at Once (Absinthe Series 6)

Kabanata 32

Kabanata 32

All at Once

The hardest thing about moving on is making a step forward. It's like there was a heavy weight on both my shoulders and feet that was making it hard for me to move forward. Kailangan kasi ako naman ang tumapos. Pero bakit ang hirap? Bakit ang hirap umusad kahit alam mong wala namang rason para manatili pa?

Sa tuwing naaalala ko ang nangyari, hindi ko mapigilan ang malungkot. I had my greatest time with Rogan, even if it's just for a few months. Isang bagay lang naman ang gusto kong maranasan nang nag-iisip ako noon kung tatanggapin ko ba siya o hindi——and that's to know the feeling of being with him. At nalaman ko iyon sa ilang buwang magkasama kami. I now how it feels like to be loved by someone like Rogan at hindi naman ako nagsising minahal ko siya.

Kung sana naging tapat lang siya sa akin.

I chuckled. If Rogan was being honest at first, we couldn't have happened. I could never fall in love with him. Pamilyado siyang tao at nakatali siya sa isang kasunduan. Kahit na dalawa pa kami ng anak niya ang piliin niya, may kailangan siyang isakripisyo. He can't choose the both of us. If he chooses me, he won't have his child. Mas gusto kong piliin niya ang kaniyang anak at iwan na lamang ako. I'd rather be happy with that decision of his even though I know he loves me. Hindi naman porke't mahal natin ang tao ay ito palagi ang ating pipiliin. There are things that weighs more than that. At alam kong, mas matimbang ang pagmamahal ni Rogan sa anak kaysa akin.

Binitawan ko ang door knob na kanina ko pa pinapaikot at inila-lock. I was having my compulsions again early in the morning. Ever since my break up with Rogan, I've been so anxious. Siguro ay dahil na rin iyon sa maraming iniisip. The day after our break up, my mother went to me and asked me things. Naaalala ko pa ang pag-uusap namin noong araw na iyon.

"Is it true that you're in a relationship with Rogan Zobel?"

Napayuko ako sa tanong ni Mommy. It wasn't a wonder that the news reached her. The business world is too small for the members of it. Lahat ng balita ay makakarating kahit na hindi ka naman interesado sa lahat ng masasagap mo.

"Phaedra? Ang boyfriend mo ba na si Rogan, ay si Rogan Zobel?" Tipid akong tumango kay Mommy. I heard her sighed heavily. Kahit siguro ang aking pagtango ay hindi naibsan ang mga bumabaha pang tanong sa kaniyang isipan.

"All this time you've been with a what? Millionaire? Billionaire? And I have seen your interview in front of your cafe!"

Inangat ko ang aking tingin kay Mommy. Sapo niya ang noo at parang hindi mapakali. She stopped walking and faced me. "Are you okay? Did they harass you?"

Napuno ng pag-aalala ang kaniyang tono. She held my face. Tumango naman ako at ngumiti. "Okay lang naman po ako, Mom. Kailangan ko lang naman pong itanggi ang lahat kasi ayaw ko ng makadagdag pa sa issue."

"So is it true that he's married?"

Tumango ulit ako. There was something that flash across her eyes. Nabasa ko kaagad iyon kaya inagapan ko ng iling.

"Mom, I am not a mistress. Sa una pa lang ay hindi ko alam na kasal si Rogan. He didn't tell me. And technically, I am not a mistress because his wife is already dead." I explained calmly. Pero hindi yata natahimik si Mommy kasi nagsalubong ang kaniyang kilay.

"At bakit hindi man lang pinapaliwanag ng mga Zobel ang nangyari? The medias are obviously making the wrong accusations about you! They should have made it clear! Hindi ka na dapat dinadamay sa mga ganito."

I sighed and pursed my lips. For some reasons, the netizens didn't hear a thing from the Zobels. Hanggang ngayon ay tahimik pa rin ang mga ito. It angered my mother to the point that she wanted to pay them a visit.