All at Once (Absinthe Series 6)

Simula

Simula

"Come on, Phaedra! Move on!" Ruth pushed my shoulders as we walked inside the bar. It wasn't jam-packed. Siguro kasi maaga pa naman at hindi pa kalaliman ng gabi.

Nagulat ako nang mas lalong ibaba ni Trinity ang bandang ibabaw ng tube top na suot ko. I quickly slapped her hand away. She was laughing as if she's drunk.

"How can you catch a new man if you keep acting like a virgin Mary? Loosen up! Hindi babalik sa'yo ang gagong 'yon!" She tried to touch again my stop but I was quick to dodge. Iiling-iling si Trinity. I felt someone touched my shoulders. I knew instantly that it was Raya because her hands were soft and almost weightless.

"Hayaan mo na," she whispered to me.

I always knew Raya could be the softest girl in our group. She was a college friend. Originally, kaming tatlo ni Ruth at Trinity ang magkakaibigan. There came Raya who's brokenhearted because her boyfriend left her without any explanation. We actually helped her move on, pero sino ba naman kami para pigilan siyang mahalin ulit yung lalaki, diba?

Trinity reserved a couch for our group. Trinity is the bar owner, scratch that, she's one of the bar owners in their family. Maraming business ang family ni Trinity but she chose to manage this bar. It was her sacred place. Ruth, on the other hand, is a chef together with Raya pero ibang specialization nga lang. Ruth focuses on desserts while Raya focuses on a full course meals. Meanwhile, Jeni is always in Baguio for their family business kaya madalas, apat lang talaga kaming magkakasama.

Trinity tried to touch my tube top again. Nang makitang masama ang tingin ko, tinigilan niya na ako at nagtawag ng waiter. She ordered a bucket of beer. Ang sabi'y oorder pa ulit dahil alam niyang kulang iyon sa kanilang dalawa ni Ruth. I just shrugged. Hindi talaga ako madalas uminom.

"Phae, stop checking your bag," suway sa akin ni Ruth nang makita niyang paulit-ulit kong binubuksan ang aking bag. I pursed my lips. Well, my hands were itching to touch something.

"Here." She gave me a bottle of beer. Kinuha ko naman iyon at tinitigan.

"Loosen up. Zeke's an asshole," she rolled her eyes. Tumingin naman ako kay Raya na inosenteng nakatingin lamang sa amin.

"Ikaw din, uminom ka. Di porke't may Helion ka na..." Ruth trailed. Humalakhak si Raya bago kumuha ng bote ng beer.

There was a tissue on our table. Kinuha ko iyon at pinunas ko sa bibig ng bote. I am conscious when it comes to the things that weren't mine. Pakiramdam ko kasi lahat sila kailangan kong linisin bago ko gamitin. My friends know about my obsession for cleanliness.

And I hate it sometimes. I hate that I had to do repetitive actions just to make sure they were perfect. I hate myself for loving things that were organize and neat. I hate myself for being like this. Siguro kung hindi ako ganito, maybe Zeke would still be here. Siguro hindi ako nagmumukhang tanga sa bar ni Trinity.

Pinangahalatian ko ang pag-inom ng beer. Ruth clapped as if what I did was an achievement. Si Raya ay tumatawa lang. I sighed. It was a bit refreshing though.

"Magpakalasing ka ngayon kasi bukas trabaho na naman aatupagin mo o di kaya iiyak ka naman dahil kay Zeke." Ruth rolled her eyes.

I rolled my eyes too, hating myself to be reminded of what happened just days ago. Ayaw ko na ngang maalala kasi nararamdaman ko pa rin yung sakit na iniwan ni Zeke sa akin. He didn't hurt me physically but he hurt me emotionally and mentally. It was just those words. Pero parang punyal naman kung tumatak yung sakit sa puso at isip ko.

"I'm breaking up with you." Zeke stared into my eyes with no remorse. Nakita ko ngang seryoso siya at hindi nakikipagbiruan sa akin.

I stepped back not knowing what to do. Alam ko namang mangyayari ito. Sana inasahan ko na. Hindi na siya bumibisita sa condo. Hindi niya na ako kinakausap. Sometimes, I would find myself reaching out to him. Nag-eeffort akong pumunta sa building nila para makipag-usap pero wala akong napapala. Some were looking at me with pity. May isang co-worker niya na nagsabi sa akin na may bagong girlfriend si Zeke pero hindi ko pinaniwalaan kasi nga hindi naman kami nag-break.