The Rain Says It's Okay To Not Be Okay

8

"May gusto kang sabihin sa'kin?" tanong ko habang naglalakad kaming dalawa ni Jessi sa Rob. We've been silent ever since we met each other but she kept smiling. She looks like she had received a happy news.

Tumingin siya sa akin at umiling. "Wala naman, hehe," sinabi niya bago niya ipinalibot ang mga braso sa katawan ko. "I just missed you. Ang busy mo na these past few weeks," pagsisimangot niya.

I giggled because of how cute she sounded and she looked. "Okay, I'm sorry. Sa'yong sa'yo ako ngayong araw," sinabi ko at tsaka siya niyakap nang mahigpit. Parehas kaming natawa sa ka-cornihan naming dalawa.

Marami na nga ang nagtitinginan. I thought Jessi would mind pero s'ya pa nga 'tong clingy na clingy na halos hindi ako mabitawan. I let her be. I also missed her kind of hugs.

Suot-suot niya ang damit na binili ko noong New Year para sa kanya at ang singsing. I always see her wear her ring, anyway. Maybe that's why she looked extra beautiful today. She loves what she's wearing.

"Titig na titig na naman," sinabi niya at ilalayo niya sana ang katawan niya sa akin by pushing me away but she almost bumped onto some stranger so I had to pull her back. "Ay, sorry po," agad nitong sinabi at paulit-ulit niyang sinabi 'yon hanggang sa mawala ang nabangga niya.

She looked embarrassed so I pulled her closer to me. "Sinabi ng dito ka lang, eh," komento ko to make her feel better. Gladly, she let out a giggle and just hugged me tightly again.

Dahil hindi kami madalas nagkikita sa nakaraang buwan ay naghabol kami sa mga kwento ng isa't isa. We still repeated some topics that we talked about in chats pero iba pa rin naman kapag personal.

We didn't mind it. We both enjoyed listening to each other, anyway.

"By the way," sinabi niya habang nakaupo kami sa labas, sa may fountain. "Saan mo balak mag-ojt?"

"Ah, I can send you the list later. Bakit mo natanong?"

"Wala lang," matipid nitong sagot tsaka uminom sa binili niyang milkshake. I have a milktea on my hand. "Saan mo balak magtrabaho?"

I kinda feel like she wanted to talk about workplace, which I don't. Alam kong magkaiba kami ng lugar na gustong puntahan to, I'm not sure, settle in. I wanted to work somewhere in Europe pero may plano rin akong bumalik sa Pilipinas.

She just wants to get out of the country and never come back. Her choices mainly consists of Asian countries, or somewhere in Australia, I think?

Napalunok ako, trying to think of a good answer that can lead us to a good talk. Hindi dahil sa mag-aaway kaming dalawa. We've fought a lot before, and we still fight over silly stuff we can fix overnight pero iba 'tong topic na to.

"Depends on where oppurtunities take me. Ikaw ba?" sagot ko.

Pinaglaruan niya ang sahog sa kanyang shake gamit ang straw. Hindi siya makatingin sa akin. Nakita ko ang pagbabago ng kanyang mukha. "I have an oppurtunity open for me. Malaking kompanya, tapos sila na rin ang bahala sa lisensya ko para makapagtrabaho doon," sagot niya.

She looked up to me, straight into my eyes. "Sa ibang bansa," she continued. She studied my face for a reaction.

I smiled at her. "That's good." Humigop ako.

"Talaga? Maganda 'yon?"

"Yeah, is that where you wanted to be?"

My heart sank when she nodded. My heart wanted to burst out more when she said. "And that's where I wanted to be... until the end." I saw her swallowed hard before drinking on her cup. Halatang hirap siyang sabihin 'yon. Halatang inipon niya ang lakas para sabihin yon sa akin.

Napatungo ako. Hindi ko kayang makita siya.

"Hidni naman tayo sigurado d'yan. Things change. May oras pa rin naman tayo para magdecide pero since may oppurtunity ka namang magtrabaho roon, take it. I'll support you."

"I know you will, pero paano lang naman kung hindi na magbago? Alam naman nating hindi rin 'yon ang lugar na gusto mong tirhan. You also have the oppurtunity to work at the country where you want stay. Hindi imposibleng hindi magtutugma ang mga desisyon natin, Clifford."

Tinawag niya ang pangalan ko. That's I know she's serious on talking about this stuff. Huminga ako nang malalim bago ako umupo nang maayos. "We'll figure it out. Don't worry," s'yang nasabi ko. Hindi ko na alam ang isasagot ko sa kanya.

Because what she said is true.

"I'm sorry," bulong niya habang nakatingin sa baba. "Tama ka. We still have time to figure this out."

Tumingala siya para tumingin sa akin. She smiled, but it's not a happy one.