The Rain Says It's Okay To Not Be Okay

Clifford

I had to stay in the office until I finish my draft kaya inabot na ako ng madaling araw. Kapag sa apartment ko 'to tinuloy, malamang ay wala akong matatapos. Saktong malamig at tag-ulan din naman ulit dito sa Pilipinas.

I had to take a break when I heard my stomach growled. Nakalimutan kong magdinner. Nang mapatingin ako sa orasan ay naisip kong kakaunting fast food na lang o kaya ay convenience store na lang ang bukas.

Kaysa magpadeliver o magdrive pa ako papunta sa fastfood, naalala ko 'yung 7/11 sa malapit sa building. I got my jacket and went down.

Nakalimutan kong kumuha ng payong. Pagkasilip ko naman sa labas ay hindi masyadong malakas ang ulan kaya naman tinakbo ko na ang 7/11. I went straight to the snacks aisle.

It's easier to eat this and bring this in the office. I also went to the drinks. I'm kind of craving for a drink I'm not sure yet.

"Hoy, Natalie, asan ka na? Kanina pa akong naghihintay rito sa 7/11 malapit sa opisina niyo."

I froze when I heard that voice. My hand which was reaching for a drink slowly fell as I sluggishly close the door of the ref I was in front at. Unti-unti akong lumingon kung saan nanggaling ang boses na 'yon.

My heart dropped when I saw Jessi stood from a table, getting her things and with a phone beside her ear. Tumitingin siya sa labas. "Naulan pa pero sa labas na rin ako maghihintay. Bilisan mo," sinabi nito bago niya ibaba ang cellphone.

Naglakad siya papalabas ng store. I tried getting myself together. This feels like a dream. Pumunta ako sa cashier para magbayad ng binili ko. I also noticed the umbrellas they were selling.

I picked out one of it, almost the same type of umbrella I had bought before for her. Hindi ako nagmamadali. I don't want to hurry. I don't want to scare the universe away.

I really trying to wake myself up, secretly pinching myself para magising na ako kung sakaling panaginip 'to pero nasa likuran na ako ni Jessi, hindi pa rin ako nagigising. Then this must be real.

"Je...ssi," tawag ko. If she looked in my direction, then she's really here. But she didn't. And I'm still here as well. Baka mahina lamang ang boses ko? Klinaro ko ang aking lalamunan pero napalakas iyon nang hindi ko sinasadya.

Napatingin si Jessi sa akin. Those eyes... that look... I missed it so much.

"Hi," bati niya sa akin. Halatang gulat na gulat at hindi rin makapaniwalang nandito kami sa posisyon namin ngayon.

I remembered buying an umbrella for her. Actually, I kind of regret what I did before. I shouldn't have offered her the umbrella, and went away just for her to take it. Maybe if I didn't do it, I could've stayed with her much longer.

Kaya naman itinago ko sa likuran ko ang payong. "Musta na?" s'yang tanong ko para hindi niya mapansin 'yon.

Nginitian niya ako. "Ayos lang. Ikaw ba?"

I smiled at her as well. "I'm better."

I wanted to continue, to tell her that I'm feeling better because I saw her again pero tumingin siya sa cellphone niya. Nang mabasa niya kung sino ang nagtext ay tumingin ulit siya sa akin. "Malapit na ang sundo ko. Nice to meet you again," sinabi niya.

I have nothing to do but smile at her. Nang tumalikod na siya at naka-isang hakbang sa tumitilang ulan ay tinawag ko ang pangalan niya. Tumingin naman siya sa akin.

"See you," sinabi ko.

I heard her smile for it had a little giggle with it. "See you."

But who knew, that was the last time I'll ever see her smile again. Who knew that it was the last time I'll ever hear her giggle again, her voice once more. I hope I could've said more.

See you, Jessi. In our home, where we can both be happy and sad at the same time, but it doesn't matter for I'll be with you. Wait for me there, love.