𝐎𝐅𝐅𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄. kenma kozume x reader

part 27; nostalgic

sometimes, when i'm lonely, i sit and think about him, and it hurts to remember all the good times, when i thought i could never live without him. and i wonder does it have to be the same? every time when i see him will it bring back all the pain- abba; angeleyes

GUYS WHY IS THIS A TIKTOK SONG NOW SCREAMING CRYING WTF

kenma's POV:

"Kenma-kun, bring in the mail, will you?"

"Sure," I put my phone down and go downstairs to the mail box. Spam mail, advertisements for house showings and this new gallery, bills, and a package with my name on it. I bring all of it into the house and put them on the table. 

"Done," I take the package and run upstairs, assuming it's a copy of my diploma and a graduation package. Tearing it open, I see a piece of paper and another little bag thing. It's not from college. 

kozume-

this is y/n. you can throw this away right now if you want because you hate me, but i hate you too so i really couldn't care less.

My face flushes red and my hands start to sweat. Why is she writing to me? What happened to 'clean breakups'? My jittery feelings subside and I start to get annoyed. 

ok, so you're still reading. don't worry- this isn't a hysterical 3 am 'i miss you' type of thing that i'm going to regret in the morning. i would never do that. 

She wouldn't. I breathe a sigh of relief, but feel oddly disappointed. 

i'm home for the holidays, and i found some of our film cameras. it was kind of hard to find a store that still develops them, but i got it done. Looking at old you was fun.

'Old me'?? What does that even mean??? I haven't changed.

anyways, i got copies made, in case you wanted them. and if you don't, there's a pack of matches in there. and no, this is not against what we agreed on. i'm merely giving you something that was supposed to be yours from the start. please don't write back.

see you around, kozume. 

maybe. 

She didn't even sign her name at the bottom. I should probably leave the pictures unopened, but I desperately want to tear it open and look at us again. Giving in to my temptation, I rip the second package open. Pictures, film, and polaroids spill onto my desk. 

'everything looks so much sweeter and nostalgic when they're on film, don't you think?' she said almost three years ago. I doubted her, but I see it now. There are overexposed photos of us, hysterical and high on adrenaline at the arcade. A print-out of that photo of our first kiss on our first date. Kuro, Shoyo, her, me, and the other guy who I think was called Tamaguchi or something at the carnival. It's shaky. Her purple hair is a mess and she's laughing at me. She's sitting on a table at school with my arms wrapped around her waist. She's grinning at me at the bus stop. She's half crying and half laughing with me that day we went to see the sunrise. She's flipping the basketball game off while I stare back at her, amused. She's curling my hair with her 'heated torture stick'. She's everywhere. Before I know it, my eyes start to sting, and I push the pictures away. Denying that I would give almost anything to go back would be useless, cause anyone could tell that it's a lie. I hang my head over my desk and let my hair cover my vision. 

to burn, or not to burn?

I stay bent over my desk until my tears escalate into heavy sobbing. I lift my head and let my eyes rest on a photo of her hugging that dumb narwhal thing from that arcade. 

"DAMNIT!" I let louder cries escape my chest and I reach for the box of matches. Dragging it against the striker, I stare back and forth between the flame and the picture. The match starts shrinking down to my fingers, and I grit my teeth and put it out. I can't do it. I crumple over my desk again, fingers burning and eyes watering. 

'don't write back'  so just because she decided to write to me out of the blue, she also gets to decide if I write back or not? But even if she asked me to write back, what would I even say?

"L/n-

i detest our photos as well as you. ignore the fact that i am currently crying over you like a degenerate and move onto the other interesting fact that you should probably leave tokyo now and go back to school because you're going to distract me like you always do because i'm still so goddamn in love with you and i'm a loser so yeah you if you could please go back to wherever you live now, that'd be great. i can't burn them because i need to have proof for future me that i was not a boring retard and that i in fact, did have a girlfriend. how about  you quickly burn your copies, because your new boyfriend would not like to see you with someone like me, and i do not wish to be beaten up by scary people, thanks. 

yeah so ignore the fact that i said i'm still in love with you because i definitely did not mean it. 

bye."

Yeah, okay, I'm not doing that. Hopefully she goes back to college soon. I shove all the photos into a drawer in my desk, and find a polaroid that had fallen to the floor. It's overexposed and pretty old, but the photo in it is still visible. It's a selfie she took of us. I can't tell where it was taken, but it looks like a regular street. Her free hand is cupped under my chin and she's grinning towards the camera, while my head is turned at an angle so that I'm looking straight at her. I see a familiar but now infrequent expression of pure joy as I'm laughing with her. 

My heart physically hurts. 

Well, my drawer's already closed. Would be a waste of time to open it again. I look around my room just to make sure no one's watching and I stick in my wallet. 

a/n:

hi everyone! so this story's almost over, and i was thinking that i might start a new fanfic, maybe another kozume kenma  x reader (or maybe an oc?) or maybe a different character from either hq or another anime. please leave suggestions, xx.