Two Sides Of A Coin

ASHIRIN

    MARIAM

I was looking at the lips of our form master move but I could hear nothing. You could say my mind was still in a daze, thinking about what happened and as much as I tried to control my thoughts, they broke free and I will hear one or two sentences from my form teacher before spacing out, I also didn’t know that my mind had completely had left class till I felt a consistent tap on my shoulder, and I turned to see Sadiq surprisingly tapping. Wow how come I never noticed he was the person seating behind me. 

I turned my head to see the whole class looking in my direction, and I felt embarrassed about it. Shifting my class from my class mates, I turned to see my form teacher’s mouth formed a thin line, while he raised one of his brows up. Well, well I guess I’m in trouble, shifting my gaze down to my hands in clear shame; I heard the deep baritone of Mr Isaac welcoming me back to class in a sarcastic manner. From then on, I tried to listen to what he was saying; though I am pretty sure it fell on deaf ears.

Throughout the day, half of my mind was in school, the other half wasn’t. Apart from me looking at that painting over and over, what made me even more baffled was the fact that Kuchi avoided me like I was something contagious, and Malik also pretended that he didn’t see me. And that’s when I realized that somehow in a way I had put my school life around them. I watched as she spoke with everyone easily, without it looking as if she was forcing herself on them, and anytime I tried to meet Malik, he was either ‘sleeping’, reading or gisting.

So, without me realising it, my mood was turning sour. What was wrong with me? Why was this happening to me? Was my attitude such a turn-off to people that I only had one friend? Why can’t I just have a normal secondary school life? What did my mum and I do to our father to deserve such? To think that; my mum has to share my father with another woman, and she was well aware of this while she choose to endure, just so that I could also stand and say I have a father or at least have a father figure in my life.

It was truly devastating.

 As for Malik, I don’t really understand why he’s not talking to me, did I say something wrong, wasn’t he the one that I saw in the hospital that gave me advice, wasn’t he also the same person that texted me some days back to check on my health? Therefore, what is happening? All these thoughts and actions were leaving a suffocating feeling in my heart, at least let me clear the air with Malik. If it’s something I might have said or done, I should know and apologize. With that thought in mind, I forced myself to concentrate throughout the rest of the classes, and talk to him during closing time.

Closing time!!! The time keeper finally rang the bell.

Without any further delay, I went outside to meet him, while he stood outside with Simeon talking, it seemed like they were waiting for Kuchi; because I could see her, trying to tidy her desk, at the same time, she was engaged in her usual banter with Yamana. When I tapped on Malik’s shoulder, he was a bit surprised to see me, before giving out an awkward greeting. Simeon turned to leave to give us privacy, but I told him to stay as witness.

“Hi Malik, I noticed that you have not been physically talking to me, like we chat and all, but when we come to school that’s when you can’t seem to see me. Is there anything I might have done or said, that is making you angry with me? I might not know, but please I want to know and apologize, because I don’t know what’s happening”.

He opened his mouth twice, in an attempt to reply but before he could finally talk; Simeon beat him to it, and his reply sounded like he wasn’t happy at Malik.

“Really Pargjina, you’re also not talking to her, and for what? The one your cousin has done isn’t it enough, what’s with this keeping malice attitude. Anyways I will be in the car, you guys should settle yourselves. Bye Mariam”.
I just nodded my head to his farewell and turned to Malik. At the same time, Kucheli had come out of class, and as she passed, she just collected Malik’s school bag and left, like I didn’t exist or something. I immediately put my hand to my heart to calm myself down, because it hurt, it really hurt. To top it off, Malik’s answer to my confrontation was so off and confusing, that I regretted him talking.

These were his words; “Mariam, I can only say I’m sorry, but it’s for the best if we don’t talk, and it’s also a personal request from Kucheli that is better we stay away from each other, because if finally you get to find out some things, it would be more devastating than that time, but you can always chat with me, I’ll reply but we can’t talk again like that” after saying that, he reached out to hug me, but I sidestepped him. I couldn’t form any reasonable reply, so in his front, I brought out my phone, powered it on, then blocked and deleted his number.

When he refused to give me his phone; after silently stretching my hand for it, the anger I already had, gave me some sort of strength. Hence, I immediately reached his wallet for his phone, and luckily for me, it was already on, so no need for password. I did the same thing on his phone, and I left, with the most shattered heart.

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Wow! Hello, how have you been, yes you, I hope you've been staying safe. Also remember that admist all the negativity happening around don't loose your shine.

Also there are also positive things happening around the world.

Dedicated to my silent readers. 😊😉