Hold Me | Sebastian X Reader | Black Butler Fanfiction

12

FOCUS

I missed a couple of keys because of the distracting thoughts. I bit my lip, feeling my cheeks grow hot. Why did I have to think about that now? Another missed key.

Sebastian stopped me, as he clearly noticed the misses too. I bowed down my head, letting my loose hair fall on my face to hide my blush from his view.

(Illustration by me 😁)

"Why are you trying to go so fast?" He asked, "slow down a bit, and relax. Your hands are still tense."

He leaned right over me and placed a hand on the keys, "like this," he said and played the first few chords, accenting the way his wrist was relaxed.

But how could I relax when he was this close to me?

I could feel my heartbeat quicken involuntary. I cursed in my head and immediately restarted the song, hoping it would muffle the sound of my racing heart, as I knew Sebastian would be able to hear it.

I don't know why I felt so uncomfortable, but all I could think of was to wish for the lesson to go by faster. Biting my lip, I did my best to push away those feeling and forced my hands to play slower like he asked, but it was hard when I was this distracted.

This was bad.

Since when did Sebastian bother me so much?

The butler motioned for me to stop again. He'll hear my heartbeat, I thought. I was getting really frustrated with the whole situation.

Don't come closer, don't come closer

"Y/N, you have to loosen your wrists," sounding a little annoyed that I kept making the same mistake, he grabbed my hand and... acting on some subconscious reflexes, I slapped it away... hard... exclaiming loudly at his touch and completely turning my body on the defensive, as if he was harassing me or something.

Sebastian's glove flew off his hand from the blow, revealing his demonic mark. The pale sking on the back of his palm was quickly turning red from the impact.

The demon took a step back from me, completely dumbfounded.

He looked at me with wide eyes, not understanding what he'd done wrong to deserve such a thing.

There was no way I could explain this.

It was the first time I had met his eyes since this morning.

My face grew even hotter and my insides seemed to all clench. I wanted to crawl inside myself and disappear.

Why did these things keep happening?

It was so frustrating, I felt my vision grow blurry from upcoming tears.

I tugged my right hand to my chest; I could still feel the blow on my fingertips.

Did I really hit him that hard?

"I-I'm sorry," I muttered to him, then stood up abruptly and ran out of the room, unable to bear this any longer.

I didn't stop running until I reached my bedroom. Closing the door behind me, I pressed my back against it and slowly let myself slide to the floor. Tears that had formed in my eyes were now leaking down my cheeks. Loose hair was sticking to my face and I pulled back the hairs that got caught in my mouth and eyes.

My heart was aching and my insides seemed to be exploding with different emotions, making it hard to breathe. For a second, I truly felt like i was suffocating. Out of panic I undid the back of my dress and my corset, loosening the weight around my chest. It was hard without Sebastian's help, but I finally managed to take them off. I took shallow breaths in, gasping for oxygen like a fish out of water.

Finally seeming to get enough air, I sat back against the door and let my breathing grow slower.

Looking down at my shaking hand, I saw that the skin was still pink and ached from the blow.

I felt so bad for hitting him, it made my stomach turn.

I had never hit any of my servants (only playfully) and certainly not Sebastian. If anything, I was afraid to even think about hitting the demon after watching him kill humans with such ease, even when he annoyed the hell out of me.

I hugged my arms around myself and looked up at the ceiling, suddenly deep in thought.

How do I feel about Sebastian? I wondered.

Yes, he was my butler; a Phantomhive servant; a demon tied to me by a contract.

But when all of that was put aside.

How do I really feel about him as a person?

My feelings towards the demon have definitely drastically changed over time, yet especially lately I've noticed how lightheaded I was around him, how I kept blushing when he looked at me and how my heart raced when he came close.

Could I possibly... love him?

I buried my face in my hands.

What a ridiculous thought.

Even if I did have feelings for him, Sebastian could never love me back. He was a demon, and the only thing he wanted from me was my soul. End of story.

No. No way do I love him.

I'm just confused.

That's what I had concluded, except deep down, I knew I wasn't being truthful with myself.

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(Credit to artist)