Dear Diary

Chapter 99

She grabbed the iron from her hands, turning it on and faced her back towards the red-haired, but she could still see her reflection in the mirror. She heard Rachel sigh.

"Sophia, please, I'm trying here," she said, almost pleading, but Sophia just rolled her eyes as she stared at the curling iron, willing it to heat up faster. She saw Rachel bite her lip as her shoulders slumped. "Sophia ... I'm sorry, okay?" she said after a moment of intense silence. Sophia kept quiet. "I know I'm a horrible person, but please trust me. I'm trying to be better."

"I don't believe you," Sophia stated bluntly, looking at her reflection in the mirror.

Rachel closed her eyes, regret flashing across her face. "I don't blame you. After everything that I've done ... I wouldn't believe me either. I just, I'm trying to be a better person. I want to be a better person."

"For whom?" Sophia shot back as she stood to face Rachel. "My dad?" she challenged.

Rachel shifted and looked at the ground. "I would be lying if I said 'no'," she whispered and Sophia scoffed. Rachel quickly looked up, her eyes searching Sophia's hard gaze. "But I'm also doing it for my sister and mom."

Sophia blinked, not expecting that response. Rachel took her silence as a chance to explain. "That day in the girls' bathroom; when you punched me, it literally knocked some sense into me and I realised what a mess I was making of my life and how it was affecting those around me, especially little Ashley."

Sophia's eyes narrowed as she stared at Rachel skeptically. What story was she spinning? If she wanted Sophia's pity, she was not getting it.

"I know it's hard to believe," Rachel continued, "but Ashley wasn't always so bratty and ill-mannered. She was the sweetest little girl I ever met, but she started changing a few months ago and I realised that I was the cause of it."

Rachel let out a shaky sigh and almost sat down on Sophia's bed, but quickly corrected herself. She looked around a moment before eventually deciding on clasping her hands awkwardly in front of her. Sophia crossed her arms over her chest, waiting with a hard expression.

"Well, you already know that my dad was imprisoned for murder. I was twelve when it happened; Ashley was only four. She hardly remembers anything about our dad. He was always away on business trips, but we were well off so my mom was a stay-at-home mom. I was always close to her and, although my parents didn't spend much time with each other, I could see that they loved each other deeply. At least ... that's what I thought until I found out that my dad was cheating on my mom with a wealthy widow from work."

Sophia frowned slightly at the information. She got the feeling that this would take a while and slowly sat back down on her chair by the mirror. She didn't want to talk to Rachel, but she had to admit that she was curious. She watched Rachel swallow thickly.

"Everything went downhill from there," Rachel said softly. "My parents divorced when I was eleven and my dad took everything with the divorce case, forcing my mom to take a job in the military to be able to pay the bills. I ... couldn't help but blame myself for that, thinking that if I had just been a better daughter he wouldn't have left. So I tried my best, helping my mom around the house, looking after Ashley, but when she took that job I gradually saw her less and less and we eventually drifted apart."

Sophia noticed a small tear gather at the corner of Rachel's eye as she took a shaky breath. "But it just got worse. A year later, after having no contact with my dad, I found out that he had been arrested for murder. We lived in a small town about three hours from here and when the news spread, the neighbourhood changed. I was starting to get treated as a monster. Everywhere I went, people would whisper and usher their children away; never mind the fact that I was a child myself.

"But as the months dragged on I began to believe them. If my dad was able to kill someone ... then that trait is in me somewhere, right? So I began to behave the way they expected me to behave. I started bullying others, blackmailing, anything and everything. I was fifteen when my mom was transferred to Ridgeview and although no-one knew of my past, I never broke out of it. It was what I had been doing for three years and I was stuck in such a rut that I couldn't stop myself afterwards.

"I didn't even think about what I was doing eventually, I grew popular because of the power of fear I held over others and it went to my head. My bullying grew harsher, blackmails darker, I started becoming obsessed with my power that I didn't even consider how others felt ... until you fought me in that bathroom. I realised then that my actions were beginning to rub off on Ashley. I didn't want her to be like me.

"So, when I found out that my mom was dating your dad ... I thought of it as my second chance to be a better big sister to Ashley. I figured if I tried my best to be a good daughter, he won't leave like my dad did and that Ashley will get the loving father that she deserved. Not to mention that my mom might finally get a happy ending too."

Sophia was completely silent as Rachel finished speaking. It took a little while for her to digest all this information. She thought that maybe Rachel had made this whole thing up, but she had a feeling that it was the truth, which only made it harder for Sophia.

How could she break it to Rachel that her father is incapable of loving someone other than his deceased wife? So much so, that his own daughter has tried for years to gain his affection and never won? 

Rachel was looking for a happy ending for her sister and mother, but Sophia's father was not that man. He is incapable of loving anyone. She didn't even know how Susan could be willing to marry someone like him when he hardly showed her any love and fondness.

But instead of voicing her thoughts, Sophia turned to grab her curling iron (which had long since heated) and thought for a moment before offering it to Rachel. She didn't know why she did that though. Maybe it was because she felt pity for her after all? Or maybe ... because they were more alike than she realised; both lonely, seeking approval of a father-figure. 

But at least Rachel knew both her parents and she wasn't responsible for a death, even though she thought otherwise, unlike how Sophia knew that she was responsible for her mother's. Life really wasn't fair.

Rachel's eyes widened at the gesture and Sophia's face instantly turned hard in warning. "But this doesn't mean I've forgiven you," she said firmly.

Rachel gave her a small, sad smile as she slowly took the curling iron from Sophia's outstretched hand. "I know, but thank you anyway."