Dear Diary

Chapter 95

Strange how the first time it was purely a rumour and I was so embarrassed, now that it's the truth I don't care. They don't know the pain I've gone through in the last forty-eight hours.

But what did get to me were the boys. 

Apparently now because I've managed to get the two hottest guys in school, at the same time, they think that I've just started throwing myself at every male. One guy made the mistake of grabbing my behind ... My hand stung for quite a while after delivering a good slap to his cheek. Of course, that didn't stop me from feeling violated a moment later.

I wonder what Cole would've done if he'd seen that? 

My heart instantly weighed a ton and I lost my appetite as I stared at my half-eaten sandwich at break-time. He probably wouldn't have cared. Why would he? I was dead to him after what I'd done. The thought instantly made me feel guilty. The last think I ever wanted to do was hurt him.

As if sensing my train of thought, Anne patted my knee in a comforting manner. I gave her a half-hearted smile, but placed my food back in my lunchbox. I wasn't really hungry anyway. Thankfully, the rest of my group had picked up on my mood, so none of them tried to talk to me and instead discussed amongst themselves. 

My eyes found their way to Amy, my cousin.

She's been acting different today, almost distant and very quiet.

"Richard's coming," Anne whispered to me.

I looked up and saw Richard walking up to us, hands in his pockets. After greeting the group, his caramel eyes looked at me.

"Can we talk?" he asked softly. 

I nodded and he helped me to my feet from my cross-legged position on the ground before returning his hands to his pockets. Without him saying a word, I already knew what he wanted to talk about: the latest development in our fake-dating. 

Who would've thought that pretending to date your best friend, would be so full of drama? Funny how my mom never commented on that from my diary: probably because she's wanting us to get together after school.

I could feel the whole school's gaze on us as we walked through the hallways until we found a secluded spot. Richard turned to face me, his tall frame towering over me, and rubbed the back of his neck: an antic of his whenever he feels nervous or awkward.

"So ..." he began after a moment, "I thought ... you and Cole were keeping things low-key?" he whispered so no-one but me would hear.

My heart panged. Will it ever stop doing that at the mention of Cole? 

I sighed. "We were," I replied.

"Were?"

"Yeah, we kinda ... broke up," I muttered, tears threatening to come out my eyes. I quickly tried to blink them away.

"Oh," Richard was stunned for a moment. "What happened?"

"I really don't want to talk about it," I responded, my voice shaking.

Richard's eyes narrowed. "He didn't hurt you, did he?" His voice contained a sharp edge and my eyes instantly widened.

"No! He would never hurt me. It's just ... I hurt him – badly."

The tears started to flow and Richard immediately wrapped his large arms around me, pulling me into his warm chest.

"Hey, it's okay," he whispered in my ear as he stroked my hair.

I shook my head and clutched onto his shirt, breathing in his scent which never failed to calm me. "No, it's not. M-My parents found out and forced me to-"

I hiccupped and Richard's hand paused for a moment before continuing to stroke my hair as he tried to calm me. "I-I'm sorry, Richard. I'm sorry, but I just can't do this. I can't be your pretend girlfriend anymore. I ... I just don't have it in me to pretend to be happy with someone else right now."

Richard was quiet for a solid minute, his hand pausing on my back. 

"I know I promised, but-"I whispered only Richard cut me off, placing his hands on my shoulders and holding me at arm's length to look at my tear-stained face.

"It's okay, Lizzy. You don't have to explain. I understand," he reassured, but there was some kind of tenseness to his words.

"You ... do?" I asked, frowning. He didn't sound like he was too pleased.

"Yeah ..." he said, not meeting my gaze. His hands suddenly withdrew from my shoulders, as though he'd forgotten they were there. "It's ... actually what I wanted to talk to you about."

I nodded my head for him to continue.

Richard took a deep breath. "I was actually going to suggest breaking up with you. You know, what with the rumours circulating about you cheating on me –a second time." I looked away with red cheeks. "I figured it would be a little suspicious if we continued dating so easily."

"So ... you're breaking up with me?" I asked.

Richard smoothed back his hair. "Well ... technically you did say it first so you're breaking up with me." Another tense moment passed. "So how do we go about it?"

I shrugged. "How would you react if you found out your girlfriend was cheating on you?"

"I guess distant and angry?" Richard replied and I nodded my head with little interest. "Okay, cool."

Silence came over us. It wasn't awkward, but not comfortable either, as though we were both hesitant about how to act around each other in public now.

"Well, you've become quite the little heart-breaker now, eh?" Richard attempted to joke, something he always did to break the ice, but I didn't find it very funny. 

I didn't respond and instead looked at the tiles beneath my feet. I never wanted to be a heart-breaker.

I heard Richard sigh. "Sorry, that was insensitive of me."

The bell rang then and I looked up at Richard's apologetic face. "I have to go." 

And, without another word, I walked off to collect my things to go to class.