Game of Destiny

8.

When Quan pulled up in front my house I quickly rushed out his car, running carefully to my front door in eight-inch heels. I didn't even realize he was trailing close behind me. Using my key to unlock the front door, my eyes widened at the sight of my mother holding a gun which was being aimed at Darnell and De'Lanice.

"Ma, what are you doing?" I looked in between her and De'Lanice, who was sobbing uncontrollably. Darnell looked in to be in a state of shock because he hadn't realized I was standing there.
"Oh, Destiny. Baby come and join us." She used her free hand to signal me over. "Why are you pointing a gun at them?" I cautiously walked closer. "You wouldn't hurt them. Darnell and Lani, they're your kids." I calmly tried reasoning. Like I said before; my mama is unpredictable, but this is by far the craziest and most scariest thing she's ever done.

"Let her do it." Darnell uttered, looking up at our mother. His eyes were watery but he refused to waste his tears on Trina. "She finally doing something for us, for once. Let her shoot us." He went on. "Darnell, stop!" I shouted, worrying that his words might actually push her over the edge and have her pull the trigger on her own children. From where I stood, I felt completely helpless.
"Ma... Ma, look at me." I spoke in a demanding tone but still keeping my composure. She turned facing me, still aiming the gun at Darnell and Lani.
"They hate me." Her voice cracked.

"They're your kids, they don't hate you. Put the gun down and we can talk about all of this, okay?" I eyed her movement closely. Tears filled her eyes as she began sobbing. "I'm not a good mother. My own kids hate me." She vented. "Mama," I could feel the grogginess in my throat, "We want what's best for your mental health. We want our mother back." I expressed. "It's too late, Des. It's too many mistakes late." Trina shook her head, wiping the tears from her eyes.

"Ma, you have no reason to be doing this. It's sick! Your sick!" I snapped. This had officially become my breaking point. De'Lanice sobbed harder. I looked over at her. Her knees were brought up to her chest and her eyes were red from all the crying she'd been doing. "I have to take away the pain I've cost them instead of having them live with it." Trina redirected her focus on Darnell and Lani.

Honestly, I didn't know how to defuse such a disaster of a situation. My mothers struggle with addiction was now entirely more than what I could handle or even attempt to handle. As crazy as it sounds, I feel at fault for this. I should of gotten her the proper help sooner instead of shrugging her illness off. "Ma, you won't be able to live with yourself if you do this. Please, listen to me." I practically begged as I was now on the verge of tears.

"I'm sorry." Trina apologized for the first time, cocking the gun up at Darnell; who just looked at her, waiting to see if she was heartless enough to shoot her own son. Darnell loved his mother, he just would never admit it due to the countless hurt she caused.

I looked over at Darnell and his unbothered facial expression. I was more scared for him than he was for himself. "I love y'all... so much. But I don't deserve y'all. I'm sick like you said, Des." Trina's chapped lips trembled. This was typically one of the main signs that whatever drug she was high off was now beginning to wear off. "If you love us, put the gun down. Nobody needs to get hurt." I slowly took a few more steps closer. It seemed as if she still wouldn't listen.

From where Quan was standing, he could see and hear everything. His main concern was keeping his focus on the woman. Though he wanted to badly tackle her to the floor, he didn't need the trigger going off by accident; being that the safety was off. Quan was trained and experienced with situations like this. He could tell she wasn't going to shoot— but still, he didn't want to let his guard down or risk something going left.
"Ma, we love you just as much as you love us, you hear me? You really don't need to do this. We can help you get the help you need." I said.

"Help? It's not about getting help!" She yelled.
"Then why you doing this?!" Darnell snapped, standing up from the couch. "Boy, sit your ass back on that couch." Trina instructed. Darnell made a stupid face, "No, hell no! I'm sick of yo shit! You way past sick. Coming in here, holding us at gunpoint... you ain't no mother." He sized Trina up.

Trina looked Darnell in the eyes before suddenly breaking down in tears. She was actually processing his words, and the truth hurt. She eventually dropped the gun. Quan swooped in, quickly retrieving it from the floor. I rushed over to Darnell and Lani while they still stayed seated on the couch. I hugged my sister tighter due to her shaking body.
"It's okay. Your okay, Lani. I love you so much. I'm so sorry." I consoled her but she didn't respond.

"Where's Dee?" I turned to Darnell. "I told her to hide so y'all mama would think she was here." He said, removing his body off the couch. He walked towards the front door. "Where are you going?" I questioned. "Away from this house." He responded dryly, opening the door. "Darnell, are you crazy? We need to discuss what just happened." I walked after him. "Des," he turned around to face me, "I just need to clear my head, alright. All this shit is too much." He stressed, finally leaving.

A sigh escaped my mouth as I looked over at our mother who was curled up on the brown carpet on the living room floor. I swatted away the tears that managed to roll down my face as I felt his soft breathing on the back of my neck. "I can stay, if you want me to." Quan said. I shook my head no, "Thank you, but it's fine. We need to handle this anyways... as a family." He nodded.

The tension began leaving my body when I felt his arms wrap around me. For brief moment; I felt comforted and relaxed. "Call me if anything." He broke our hug. I nodded, slipping him a faint smile. Once he left, I exhaled looking at Lani. She was still in the same position as before; looking traumatized— but who could blame her. "Lani, I'm gonna take you to bed, okay?" She nodded, giving me the confirmation I needed before touching her.

I took my heels off, helping her up from the couch. After successfully getting my sister into bed, I walked back to the living room, looking down at my mama as she sprawled out on the floor. I shook my head. "God, guide me" I mumbled to myself.
By this point, mama was no longer awake. She was now passed out. I couldn't keep doing this— living like this. It's becoming more, and more stressful.

Our family was way past damaged and I refuse to continue letting my mother be the knife that permanently scars all of us. I try so hard to be a good daughter, a great big sister and role model, but I'll admit; I'm drained and can't possibly do it all. I sat back on the couch, thinking about the last resort in order to get my mother some help. It wouldn't be easy, but it was a start.

Hopefully my siblings and I will be able to get her back someway along the process; the mother we had before Latrell and the drugs. My thoughts were cut short when I found myself falling asleep on the couch. Tomorrow would be a spoonful no one saw coming.