Reality of Darkness

Chapter 5

Since arriving home yesterday evening, I could only describe Zak as being on edge, concerned I asked him multiple times if everything was okay, but I got the same answer, that he was tired but other than that, everything was fine.

Us women, we are very observational and men can be so transparent, yes some men can hide secrets, but usually I am able to.. 'debunk' what is wrong with Zak. Right now, I couldn't. So caught up in trying to make sure I was there to support him, I forgot about the washing, until I was taking my medication, which then alerted me to the letter I had stuffed into my bag... The bag Zak had taken.

"Shit!" I hiss, tossing my medication down and racing through the lounge and into the kitchen, only to be greeted by a grim looking Zak holding the letter in his hand.

"What is this?" He asks, his mood now taken a drastic turn. I could see the tense jaw, the clenched hand at his side and stiff body.

What was it? It was my biggest fear coming true, but rather than tell him that, I went on the defence, and snatched the letter from his hand. "It's my business. I'd be grateful if you didn't snoop through my bag."

I know what you're thinking, but right now, having a conversation about my future surgery, isn't something I want to deal with, speak or hear about. Out of sight, out of mind. Sticking my head in the sand, whatever metaphor you want to use. I didn't want to talk about it.

"Snooping? Snooping?" He repeats himself. I know he's winding himself up for a big one, and with the lockdown hangover present as well as everything else, I wasn't sure how he was going to handle this.

"Snooping? I was emptying our freakin' bags! I was doing the washing!" He snaps. "What the fuck Elle?! Why didn't you tell me about this?!"

"Because there is nothing to tell."

"I've just read the letter myself! Surgery?! Since when?!"

I sigh "I don't want to talk about it right now, just leave it. There's nothing to discuss—."

"The fuck there isn't! This is brain surgery! Not a haircut!"

"It doesn't concern you!" I complain, walking away and shoving the letter as far into my jean pocket as it could go.

"Are you crazy?!" He yells coming after me. "Of course it concerns me! Who else is going to look after you?! What was the plan? Spring it on me over breakfast one morning?"

"Of course not!" I snap getting angry. "I was going to tell you when I was ready and—."

"So the morning of the fucking surgery! How the fuck am I suppose to look after you, prepare for you, for anything if you don't tell me!"

"Okay, first of all. Stop shouting. I am not having a shouting match with you!"

"I have to shout because you don't fucking listen! This is important! How long have you know?!"

"What?" I ask rubbing my forehead in stress.

"I said how long have you know about this?!"

There's two ways I can go about this, lie or tell him the truth. There's a huge part of me that what's to lie right now, tell him that I've just found out about it. But the letter he just read was basically the start of what could be a long road to surgery. Lying about it will be fruitless, he, of course will know..

"A while."

His eyebrows almost shoot off his face, his eyes glimmer dangerously and I find myself putting the couches between us, almost for protection. I'm ashamed to even think of what he could do, Zak has shown me nothing but love and patience..