Beastars x reader (Season 1)

CHAPTER 49: FAILED ATTEMPT

I tap my fingers and bite my lip, as I tap my foot too.  I lean my head on my arm to not lay on the table as I look at Legoshi who's reading.

Look at him... So calm, so gentle.. So focused on the book, seeing him turn the page, with his big hands, even though he has huge claws, his movements are smooth and subtle..

God, I can't believe I'm forcing myself to do this... Why is it so hard to go and confess that I like him? Juno was right, it takes courage to do this.

.. I'd like to have gone to apologize to her, or.. to have clarified things.. But she didn't come back after she left.. She apparently stayed with some of her friends... I've been worried for her since last night, I haven't given myself time to think about Legoshi until now..

Why did I say all those things to Juno?  Do I want to confess to him to take it put on her?  N-no no, I don't want to stay with Legoshi... at least... not as Juno does... I just... I want to tell him to end this, no matter what he says...

I tap my fingers harder on the table for everything I feel.  I perceive that Jack sees what I do when I look at him askance.

Y/N: .. Sorry.

I put my hands down and stare at my book on the table.

This stress is too much.  My ear twitches again. If I don't say something now I'm going to explode.  As soon as Legoshi and I are alone, that's when I'll tell him... As soon as I get the chance, I will.

Jack: Teacher may I go to the bathroom?

Jack raises his arm so he catches the teacher's attention.

Teacher: Okay, but don't take so long.

Jack: Yes miss, thanks.

He gets up from his seat and leaves, leaving me and Legoshi together with no one in between.

Oh geez, is this a sign?  Legoshi goes back to his reading and I stay watching him.  I know we're in class, but I just want to get this out of my chest.  Should I tell him now?

Ok but if I do, what do I say?  I can't just say right now, "Hey Legoshi, I like you!"  Especially when I know he doesn't like me back...

No... And... if I give him any hints?  I don't know, ask him something like "Hey, who do you like?"  or.. "You know I thought I want to be with someone"... No... why would I start saying that out of the blue?

Maybe I should just have a normal chat with him as always and "let it flow" until we get to that topic. Yes, I'll do that.  Now what do I say?  No, don't think about it too much ... I'm just go to tap his shoulder, and ask him something casual...

I turn to see him and raise my hand ready to tap him... I feel butterflies in my stomach and I start to sweat.  My damn hands start shaking.. Really?!  God it's easier said than done!  At this rate Juno would have confessed to him before me.

Come on, wake up Y/N!  I stomp on my own foot to snap out of it.  Ouch!  That was a bad idea, but it gave me enough courage to tap his shoulder without thinking.

He stops reading and turns to see me.  Very good, now... JUST SAY SOMETHING!  Anything!

Y/N: Hey um.. what are you reading?

Legoshi: Well, the math exercise we're doing.

Y/N: O-oh!.. Right.

I mentally facepalm.  It's true, I'm in math class!  How did I forget?!

Y/N: Uh, yes but I uh .. What page was it?  It's just that I lost it hehehe.

I make a fake laugh and I grab my tail tight, squeezing it, punishing myself for the shame I'm getting myself into.

Legoshi: We're on page... 149.

Y/N: Thanks.

I open my book that has been closed all this time and opened it to that page.  Heck, one thing I hate about math is when we have to learn it from a book that we have to read instead of having it explained to us.

I don't pay attention to the book at all.  I must think of something to say to avoid being ridiculous.. I can't give up so easily.. What can I say?.. Oh I know!  I'll ask about Jack!

Y/N: Hmm... Jack's taking his time on coming back, don't you think?  I wonder what he's doing.

Legoshi looks at me confused, and narrows his eyes to me.  Then he smirks.  Wait ... Why did I ask that about Jack?  HE'S IN THE BATHROOM!  Why would I wonder what he's doing in there?!

This time I can't help but physically facepalm.  I'm really stupid. My cheeks flush red.  And I sweat like pig-.. I sweat a lot.  I should stop!

Legoshi: Woah!  Hey, are you okay?

Y/N: Yeah i just...

..This won't work.. At least, not like this.  I have to think better about this.  So... I guess I'll have to take another risk and leave it for later.

Y/N: Legoshi .. After school.. Do you think we can -..?

Teacher: Miss Y/N, stop interrupting my class.

I startle when the teacher calls me, God I forgot we're  in class!!

Y/N: I-I'm sorry teacher, I was just-..

Teacher: I don't care what you were doing!  Did you even pay attention to something I said?

Y/N: Uuuuhhh..

Teacher: That's what I thought... You're punished, go to detention during recess.

The teacher goes back to her stuff and turns around.  As I grunt and hit my head on the desk.

Y/N: ... Ow.

Legoshi just stares at me while I regret everything I did in these last minutes of my life.  I can't see him but he tries to pat my back, though he hesitates.  But before he can be able to do anything, Jack comes back and gets to his seat.  Causing Legoshi to not be able to pat me.

Jack then turns to see me, confused that my face is stucked to the table.  He turns his head in confusion and looks at his friend.

Jack: What did I miss?

Legoshi simply shrugs, since he doesn't understand what happened either. And to be honest.. Neither do I.