💛 Yellow is a Happy Color. 💚 Demus.✔

Part 13 - Flashbacks

A/N: mmm should write. oh wow, 1.4k...

TW: Self harm, uhh thats it I think? remind me if theres moreeee.

OH WAIT 1.4K- CrA

Remus' POV:

I was sitting in the livingroom, I was just laying down. I heard a thud, "JAAAAY? You alright?" I yell from the couch, I thought something fell. I wasn't too concerned. I heard no response, I get up, "Jan?" I ask, then seeing his limp body on the ground, "Janus?! Ah hell." I quickly kneel down and scoop him in my arms. I held him bridal style, and walk to his room.

I set him on his bed, I look down on him, "What happened to you?" I ask myself quietly. He used to be so.. well, more happier, he was energetic, and more open. I guess trust issues can mess up a person. I didn't help, reading his journal was a jerky move. I rub his arm, I know he'll wake up. But he took his body to extreme measures, I wonder why..

I just sit there rubbing his arm, humming a melody. Things used to be so perfect when Virgil was with us, so good. I never thought I'd call it "When" or "Past" but, here we are. Apparently me and Jay weren't good enough for him, whatever. Totally pathetic.

It doesn't matter, we don't need him. He may be nice around the 'Lights' but, he'll never be nice in my eyes. I don't know why we're categorized, nice and bad are made up nonsense. Everything has a reason, apparently. Even though, sometimes, they're stupid. Oh well, I can only dream of a happy ending.

Janus' POV:

I feel myself getting colder, now in a different environment.  I hear stifle sobs from my room, what's happening? I walk slowly to my room, I can't touch the door. But I glide straight through the door, laws of  physics don't apply to this.. dream? so far. I see myself, this was a few years ago.. I'm gripping a sweater, purple.. Virgil?

I see myself wipe my eyes, mumbling some words, "All I want, is to hear you knocking at my door.." I sputter, "Cause' If I could see your face once more.. I could die a happy man, for.. sure.." I choke on tears, "When you said your last goodbye, I died a little inside... I lay in tears in bed all night.." I hear myself stop abruptly. 

He chokes on tears, it's a sad sight. This is the night, the knife made its first go. I can't stay that long.. He keeps crying, mumbling words we used to say together, "We will b-be together, forever.." he whispers, so inaudible. Why I'm I so loud, Remus ought to know what is happening. Speaking of Remus, can I go check on him? I try to move, but my legs don't work.

I see myself wearily smile, he gets up shakily, he leaves the room. I know whats happening, but I can't move, not my hands, arms, or legs. Not even my torso or head. I'm stuck- frozen. He returns with a kitchen knife. I panic, I cant shield my eyes, "This is worth it.. I deserve it. If I can't control what Virgil does, I'll control what I do to myself. Whether it's bad or good.." He mumbles, he pulls his sleeve up. 

I miss having clean skin, being able to wear T-Shirts when it was 70+ degrees out, go swimming, I miss this. Why did I do this? And why can't I stop. He brings the knife to his arm, "One.. Two.. Thr-Arg!" He pressed and move, his face going from a tear stained frown, a painful winced, to a pleasurable smile. He kept going, I feel my eyes form tears, I can't stop them from rolling down.

I close my eyes, but I cant block the painful groans from him. I look once more to see him putting the knife in his desk, and bandaging his arm, bloody desk, bloody arm.. I don't know how I didn't have a panic attack, he gets up, "Maybe.. Maybe this is all a dream.." Me and him say at the same I time. I skeptically look at myself, but he doesn't. He can't hear me. 

Now, the scene blurs into black, and I feel my eyes open. I feel some contact with my arms, I look up slightly to see Remus, "Hellooo? What happened?" I ask, "Janus!" he smiled, I awkwardly wave, "You fell down in the kitchen." He says, simply. I nod, remembering. "Ah yeahhh.. Sorry bout that." I say, "I fainted." I added. 

"What is it like when you faint?" He asks, I shrug, "I could see black. It feel like I feel, and woke up 3 seconds later. How long has it been?" I lie and ask, "10 minutes." I make a 'oh' shape. He lays next to me, "Well, I'm glad you're awake. Take better care of yourself. You're scaring me. I keep thinking that you're going to fall down and never wake up.." He murmurs. I frown, "N-No, that wont ever happen!" I say, loudly. 

He sighs, "You're getting worse, mentally.. Please tell me ways I can help?" He says, desperately. This kills me, I'm hurting more than helping, "I-I.. Just don't leave me.. I'm learning to get better. But it's hard taking Emile's advice- which is finding hobbies- when I can't find any enjoyable ones." I say, looking away from him. 

He smiles, "Well, maybe I can help with that.." he says, giddly, "You're not going to suggest me killing people, right?" I say, looking at him, skeptical, "Weeeelll.. That was my first thing. But you spoiled the fun!" He groans, I snicker, "Ooppsiieeess." I say, in a fake innocent tone, "Anyways, my second one was.. Maybe we can hang out in the imagination. Mostly on your side, mines not pretty." He suggests.

I smile, I can't lie, it's a good idea, "OOh! Sssssure!" I smile, he smirks, "What?" I raise a brow, he snickers, "Your hiss! It's adorable!" he smiles, I redden, not much though. "Oh shut it." he laughs, "Finee. Anyways, we can go soon. Want to go to a park? I dunno." He says, I shrug, "Sure." he smirks. "I'll bring the treats, it'll be a swell date! We can go at 3!" He gets up, I turn red, "A date?!" he laughs, "A date." 

I mean, I know we kissed an all- but, I thought it was just the moment. How could he like me? I really am oblivious. Whatever, I'm not complaining. I get up, it's 2:01. I smile, he's sweet.

A/N: sorry for such a boring chapter, but oh well, take this. :> enjoyyyy

word count: 1108