💛 Yellow is a Happy Color. 💚 Demus.✔

Chapter 6

MOST LIKELY UN EDITED AND MADE AT 12AM- SPELLING ERRORS AND GRAMMATICAL ERRORS.

TW: Self Harm mentions, Suicidal thought mentions, Deceits info

3rd POV:

Janus sighed, putting his diary under his bed, not meaning to make Remus sad or embarrassed. Remus was trying to find ways to help Janus, "Hmm, maybe I can subtle help him; shower him in compliments, have deep conversations if possible, and make him laugh." Remus told himself in his room, quietly. Janus laid down, his bones feeling so weak and his stomach feeling so empty, used to it.

For someone who was 5'0, he weighed 78 pounds, when the average weight is 95-117 (For males, according to google.) He wrapped his arms around his stomach, groaning. He was in pain, but maybe he deserved it- not maybe, he definitely deserved this. He knew it too. That's the one truth he tells himself daily- atleast true for him. For everyone else its false, or as Logan would say, a big falsehood. "Keep yourself together Janus.." he mumbled to himself.

He hated everything about himself, from how he wasnt skinny enough to his weird hair. He used a hat to cover his hair, he would have to shower less. He used his bangs to cover his face a little. He is blinded by the perfect, labels, and judgement. Everything he hears about himself goes through his head.

If Remus gets ahold of that information, he'll use it for the betterment for Janus' mental health. Remus heard a quiet groan from Janus room, he decided to check on him, getting up and walking to his room and knocking. He heard scrambling and mumbles and murmurs, "Hold on-" he heard. "Dont come in!" he opened the door and saw a weirdly smiley Janus.

"Hey DeeDee? Are you good? I heard groaning, you're not masturbat-" Janus coughed and cut Remus off, "No- I'm fine!" he smiled as reassuringly as he could, "Also no I wasnt masturbating." he sighed, rubbing his temples, "Well, if you were, I could always help-" Janus shushed him, "SssstoOp!" he hissed, a tiny bit red, and Remus smiled. "Stop what? Making you a tomato?" he asked, Janus sighed, biting his lip, "Nooooo..." he whined and Remus nodded, "Fine fine, I'll stop.." he said, sitting on Janus bed. "Well Deeee, you know it's the month of helping others, so if you need to talk-" "Its.. April.." he said, "Sexual Assualt Awa-" "Shhhh! No, everyday is helping others day, then." Remus said, shushing him. Janus smirked.

"You're a dork." he told Remus, "And you're in need of love." he told Janus, smiling sweetly, "Hahah, funnyyyy.." he told Remus, lying, "Whatever floats your boat." he said. Janus wrapped his arms around his stomach again, "Are you okay, Double D?" Remus asked, concerned. "Yeah, I'm fine." he cursed his lie. "Liar." he winced at the word, "What's going on with your stomach? Having cramps? (I have a uterus, I can make these jokes.) Remus joked, and Janus hissed, "Uh-huh, just peachyyy" Janus replied, sarcastically. Remus rolls his eyes, "Hey, can I hug you?" Remus asked, wanting to feel his stomach. "Uhh, sure?" he responded and Remus hugged him, with his hand on Janus' stomach, feeling his boney ribs, he winced at the feeling, pulling away, "Did you put a tracker on me or something?" he joked.

"Nahhhh. Just wanted a hug." he lied, it was weird lying to the liar, but Janus sensed the lie and frowned, "Are you oka-" Remus started, "You're lying." "I'm not lying." Lies. "Remus- I know when you're lying." Janus said, shaky, "Oh, right, you're the big liar. Human lie dector.." Remus rolled his eyes, causing a pain to shoot through his heart

"Sorry." Janus said quietly, "Sorry for what?" he asked, "For being Deceit. Being the big lia-" Remus cut him off by a genuine hug. Janus smiled, he knew that this would never happened again- or he thought.

"I didn't mean what I said.." Remus said, Janis sighed, he was immune to most insult by now, "Its alright, It doesnt affect me, anymore." he mumbled, "Deceit, I know this hurts you." Remus rubbed his shoulder as Janus looked away. "You dont know." he said, chillingly, "You're right, but I can sense it." he said.

Janus shook his head, "Uh-huuuuhhh.." he said, in a tired tone. "Hey, Deceit, are you hungry?" Remus asked, knowing he is hungry, he felt his stomach, "No. I'm fine." Remus sighed, "Fine means many different things." "But you know I'm actually okay." Janus said in more of a statement.

"I'm not so sure about that.." Remus mumbled, "Whatever." Janus rolled his eyes, "Hey, you know I'm only concerned because I care about you, right?" Remus said, looking at him and lifting his chin with his fingers, Janus would never admit it but he needed to hear that, "Of course.." Janus smiled, he was fond of Remus company, for someone who seemed like he would never pass Grade 3, he always had to words to slither into Janus' heart.

Remus picked up a notebook, "Ooooh, what's this?" he asked, holding to Janus' journal- it had one too many things in it that he couldnt bare to have someone else see. "Dont read it!" Janus quickly snatched his notebook, "Aww, why?" Remus asked, visible confusion and a tint of sadness, "Because, its mine."

Remus fake groaned, "Oooooh fineeee." he smiled, "Hey DeeDee?" he said, Janus looking at him, "I'm always here for you. Please remember that." Remus put a hand on his shoulder. Janus always refused any sort of help available, thinking he didn't deserve it or he wasnt worthy of it. "....Thanks." "No problem, Double D."

Janus felt himself needing to go up, "Oh! I have to go up." he said, snapping his fingers and getting changed and rising up. Remus smirked.

Remus POV

I see Deceit leave, I take initiative and grab his notebook, at first it was all just some past mumbo jumbo. He missed Virgil, it never felt the same, "Dear Diary, I miss Virgil, ever since he left- which I know is awhile ago- it never felt the same; complete. Our photos still hang on the wall. I am reminded of my mistakes everytime I go to eat, go to watch TV, go to see Remus... The pictures have new meaning. It makes me cry, should I talk to.. Remus? No, no, no! Dont bother him with your problems. Emile? No.. I don't want to talk to someone I barely know about my problems.. The pain in my arms are getting worse." I read.

Jesus this sounds horrible, I skip like 5 pages, "Dear Diary, I have a new way of coping, both bad and good news, good news, It makes me feel, like I know I can feel something other than sadness. I switched to the.. blade.." my voice cracks at the last part, I clear my throat, "Luckily, blood isnt too see through on black clothing. Remus would overreact- I dont know how the lights would deal with this.. blade, but I dont care, they dont care-" the handwriting gets so shaky I can't read, I flip the page, "Dear Diary, I feel myself stop eating a lot. I usually eat the 3 main meals, but now I eat a bowl of cereal, and a few small snacks.. I dont mind, the pain in my stomach is all I need. I think I may be getting skinnier, and I dont... deserve.. the food.. I feel myself growing tired-er and my arms getting more marked. I think I'm doing this right thing." This is breaking my heart.

How could I be so oblivious, I read a few more pages and figure out, hes been subconsciously self harming for ages now, rough scratching at the point he bleeds, picking at his scales. He does sob every night, he calls it his emotional release. I can't comprehend how heartbroken I am. I also know his name, "Janus." I personally don't mind it, it suits him. It's a cutesy name. Anyways, Janus' room has a sense of home, a sense of love. I would- I want to cuddle with him so bad, spoon him and tell him everything is going to be alright.

Janus needs my help, but how do I help him and not tell him I read his notebook. Without him, I would feel torn like a sail in a storm. I've read that he has suicidal thoughts. He doesnt deserve this. I will help him. I hear him coming down, so I put the book down where it was and lay down to pretend I was just chilling, maybe I should lay seductively, and so I do, "Hey J- Deceit~" I say, almost spilling the beans already, "Hello Mus'" he says, I smile, his voice sounds awfully shaky.

A/N: I'll leave it here for now. Enjoy this pathetic excuse for a chapter. ily guys, stay safe, and I'll keep updating.

Word count: 1495💛