💛 Yellow is a Happy Color. 💚 Demus.✔

Chapter 8 - Attempt

TW: Attempted Suicide, self doubt, arguing, talk about time.

Thanks to @Katandkassplayz for the idea hehe

3rd POV:

Janus sighed, he couldn't stand the fact that Remus knew. How could he leave something so valuable out in the open? Janus groaned, he knew he couldn't be too loud, otherwise Remus would come, blah blah. He hated when Remus would be overly kind, it made him feel like a child. He hated every part of what happened. But he couldn't change the past. Maybe he spends too much time spiraling and wastes every second of the day and does nothing. He is wasting time being so depressed he can barely get changed without thinking whats the point? He sighs, he feels worthless anyways, no need to make him feel extremely worse.

Janus got off of his bed and got changed into a more comfortable attire but still somewhat formal. He wraps his arms around his stomach and frowns, its still big- to him. How can he be so blind? He's so skinny. It's scary. "I am so fat." he mumbled, he had big circles under his eyes, covered by scales and concealer, wearing shirts a bit too big, taking medicine to make him less tired. He yawned. "How I'm I so inhumanely ugly? Why are my scales so weird- Why I'm I the only one with scales?!" He said louder, cursing his bad luck.

Remus was chilling in his room, he still felt bad, from the bottom for his heart. He wanted to make things up for Janus, but how? He disliked bringing it up because it obviously makes Janus uncomfortable. Remus felt a stab in his heart. He rubbed his eyes, trying to brainstorm ways.

Janus looked at some rope- no no.. He's not that desperate- is he? He just wants a break, he wants to feel happy. Remus keeps trying to get him to do fun stuff but he doesn't want to have fun. He wants to have one good day where he feels good about himself, a day where he doesn't want to die. When its not a struggle to shower or to even get out of bed. You're so stupid. Now someone knows your secrets. You're never going to find someone that loves you. Nobody likes you. You are horrible. Monster. Ugly. You will never find happiness. But, with all these voices, there's always two that stick out. The mean ones spoken by Remus/In his voice, the good ones in his own voice. But Janus doesn't trust himself, nobody trusts him so how can he trust the good voices in his voice.

Sometimes, the voices get too powerful, Brat, Monster, Liar, No good deceit, Deceitful, Dark, evil, you're the reason, you're the reason he left, You're. The. Reason. Janus soon found himself in tears, he was the reason Virgil left. "I am the reason.." he said quietly, in between sobs, he got up and locked his door- or he thought. It popped back last second. He couldn't keep his eyes off of a rope in the corner of his room. 

He thought about himself suffocating, not being able to breathe. The sweet release of death. He smiled at the thought, but he couldn't stop crying. He thought about it, remembering all the times someone was rude to him.

"Deceit, go away!" Thomas yelled, of course they didn't want him. 

"Deceit, I don't think you can say your honest opinion." He didn't only speak in lies..

"Deceit, just disappear??" Nobody..

"You're a monster." Wanted..

"We cant trust you." You!

Janus frowned, and he resorted. He needed peace, he needed happiness. Some sort of balance. He got up and grabbed the rope, he shakily tied it around his neck, the feeling of the tightness scared him, but he didn't want to turn back, he looked at the door, then some photos on the wall. It was Him, Virgil, and Remus. He gasped, and sobbed quietly again. He sat on the chair and wrote a few letters.