Addicted → Leonardo Dicaprio

the finale, pt 1

"Anyway, this morning i get a call from him. I just assumed that it was you two trying to organise plans with me for a catchup since you've been so MIA recently, but i knew instantly something was wrong"

Fuck, is he okay? I hope he hasnt been putting himself into danger.

"His voice was so weak and almost frantic, he explained that he wanted to talk to me over a breakfast about the two of you. He didnt explain much on the phone. Anyway we met up at the cafe up the street and as soon as i saw him i took in his weak and tired state. He looked like he hadn't eaten or slept in the past 48 hours"

I dont know what to say, so she continues.

"He told me what happened. He feels awful and wanted someone to talk about it with. At first i wanted to throw hands, and beat the shit out of him, but he convinced me that what he did wasn't necessary right, but he had good intentions. Anyway what im trying to say is that, he's actually still at the cafe right now, and i left to get you because i want you to talk to him"

"Harriet i appreciate you talking to him and helping him out but im not seeing him right now, i just can't"

"Look i know your not in a good spot right now, but Leo seems 10x worst than you are. You still care and love him, i know that, but right now, he needs you really bad."

"Harriet look at me... I dont think i can"
"You look fine Tilly, plus he doesnt care what you look like he just wants to see you"
"Did you tell him you were getting me"
"Yes i did, and i know you probably hate me right now, but i did this for you and him because i know you both need to talk"
"Harriet... fuck why did you do this?"
"I told you i care. Now hurry up, your going to meet him whether you like it or not"

She puts a coat on me, and quickly brushes my hair so it looks somewhat presentable. She basically drags me out of the apartment, and pulls me along the sidewalk towards the restaurant.

We stand outside the front doors, which are made of glass, but i cant seem him from where i stand. I look back hesitantly at Harriet.

"You're coming in with me right?"
"Absolutely not"
"Harriet please!"
Instead she pushes me inside, not giving me enough time to register her actions. The noise disturbs the quiet environment in the restaurant, giving me all the attention.

It's  then when i see him. He's sitting at one of the booths and when our eyes meet he stands up frantically, almost shocked to actually see me. His eyes are tired and sad, but when he looks at me they seem to lift and grow brighter.

He lifts his hand, and slowly waves to me, instead of returning the gesture i walk slowly over to him, keeping my head down. I slide into the booth, not uttering a word, and i hear him sit down again, looking across at me. I almost dont want to look at him because i know it will bring the past me back to the surface, but i want to be strong and stern about how i feel.

"Um.. Hey, hi"
"Hi"

I look at him quickly, his eyes trained on my face, a small smile on his lips.

"Have you been.. okay?"
"Not really, i've been pretty upset and i feel disconnected"
"Yeah me too. "

A silence that feels too long suddenly fills the air. Im almost annoyed because he wants to see me but isn't even telling me how he feels.

"You wanted me here Leo, you have to tell me whats going on because honestly ive never been so confused in my entire life"
"Fuck your right, look im sorry"
"All you do is say sorry, but i honestly dont know if you mean it. You have to show me Leo. Because i dont know if verbal apologies mean anything to me right now"
"Okay i know i shouldn't be talking about myself right now because i hurt you, but im so fucking broken and sad that i cant even fathom what to say to you"
I look at him hopelessly.

"Ive always tried to act like the protector and the person who can handle anything but what ive come to realise these past few days Tilly, is that you are my protector and carer. You make me sane, you make me want to be a better person, and to be frank, without you id most likely be dead right now"

"But for some reason, i wouldn't take back what i did, because in a selfish way that deal brought me closer to you and made me realise your true inner beauty and love."
"Your telling me you wouldn't change your decision if you could go back in time?"
"I honestly don't know."

I stand up, too hurt and confused to continue this conversation. But he quickly pushes me softly down on my chair.

"Leo stop"

His hand is placed over mine and thats when i can feel the shaking coming from his side. I look down confused at first, but when i look at his hand i can see it physically shaking. Its at this moment that i can feel the vulnerability flowing off him.

"Please just stay with me a bit longer, i didn't mean what i said before. I would take it back but then that means we wouldn't be as close, however i can say confidently that i wish it could of happened more naturally and without an initial push by your father"

"Leo i understand but that doesn't change anything"
"Ive made you some more books"

His shaky hands leave mine and he reaches into his bag, pulling a total of 5 books out. Within each book are over 100 blue tags indicating certain pages that i'm guessing he wants me to read.

"Did you read what i highlighted in those books?"
" I did"
"I know its a shitty gesture i just wanted to explain myself further, so here"
He pushes them closer to my side, and i take the pile and place them in my bag

"Thank you leo"
"No its really nothing and i know that no matter how many books i write or highlight or whatever amount of poems that it wont change your mind, but its my only way of expressing myself"

Leos tone of speech is getting a lot faster, more rushed and anxious. He's speaking so quickly that hes mixing up his words, and im beginning to get worried.

"Look all i want to say is that im so fucking sorry and i know that you might never want to see me or hear from me again, but i love you so much. I wish our story could be re-written. I wish we both came from loving homes, and happy backstorys but we didnt. Im sad Tilly because i know you deserve so much better than what you got, because you are the one person in my life who has ever given a shit about me and has treated me with pure kindness... And i really dont want to lose you"

His head goes to his hands as he falls into his own embrace. His shoulders are shaking and he's beginning to breathe faster and louder.

"Leo are you.. Are you okay?"
He doesn't respond to me.

"Leo?"
His breath is still shaky and nerving.

I quickly run over to his side of the booth, wrapping my arms around him in a tight embrace.

"Leo listen to me, i think you might be having a panic attack"
His head remains in his hands, and im not even sure if he can hear me right now.

"Leo... fuck.  i dont know what to"
I begin to panic, my arms around him grow tighter and i inch impossibly close. I dont know what to do but at this exact moment all i can think about is making sure hes okay.

I grab his chin, his eyes are closed but he registers my touch, his breathing calming down a bit, but not enough. I do the first thing i can think of, kissing him quickly on the lips, because i remember seeing it on a tv show about how it calms down your nerves. Our lips stay still, but i realise that he begins to kiss back, his hand going to my cheek.

I pull away nervously. His eyes flutter slowly open, and he looks back at me.

"Im sorry, i just... i freaked out and i didnt know what to do"
"You did what i needed. You distracted me from myself. Thank you tilly"

I looked down at my sweaty and fidgety hands.

"I dont mind if we take our time"

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Part one of a three part FINALE.

Okay this was a crazy chapter idk even know what to think about it. Plus i'm also wrapping up this story soon, and i'm really sad about it... Love you guys and stay safe❤️