Dear Diary,
So, Dr Stevens told me I was going to die.
I knew it was going to happen sooner or later.
It was.
Niall's been acting strange around me lately.
No idea why.
I get the feeling Harry told him, and I'm actually quite upset about that. I know Niall should've been the first one I told, but Harry was there.
I guess I didn't have time to wait for Niall.
Hell, I don't have time for everything now.
I'm not sure if I should continue to write in you.
Do you want me to?
I just want to feel normal again, like I'm not dying.
I don't know, I just feel strange.
So, back to the cancer...
The doctors have stopped the chemo.
Apparently that's what's been making me sick. I'm not sure.
Personally, I think it's about the thought of death.
I wouldn't know.
But, there's one thing I do know.
I'm dying and there's nothing to stop that.
Not like the boys could care less, I mean, my mother is the only one whose been caring for me.
I've been saying that a lot lately, that I'm going to die.
But it's the truth.
Maybe I'm over exaggerating, maybe I'm being selfish.
Either way, it's the truth.
We all know it could happen any day now.
I've actually been stressing about my death.
I was never one to fear it, for the though of it made me happy.
But now that I think I have something to live for, I don't want to leave. I just want to stay for a bit.
Niall must've found out about me dying.
Gosh, to say that sounds so weird.
I can't believe I'm actually dying.
I always thought it might happen, but never did I think it would.
Of course I'm going to die somewhere in my lifetime, everyone will.
It's a natural thing. A thing that can't be stopped.
I'm really proud of everyone around me. They've all accomplished so much.
Kind of makes me feel alone.
The fact that everyone's happy and doing what they love, should be making me happy, but that's what's dragging me down.
I'll write in you later, I'm really tired.
Niall and I are set to go out today. I don't know where, he won't tell me.
I might finally be able to tell him how I fell about him.
He might accept that, and do the same to me.
But I can't.
It's impossible for me to fall - oh so madly - in love with someone within the time I have left.
Of course I can't do everything.
But I can try.
Yours sincerely,
Hanna xx
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Bam, there it is.
Not much going on this time.
I would greatly appreciate it if you checked out twinkie_ashtxn on Wattpad! She has a new book, called Don't Fall For Me and I'm in love with it!
I hope you enjoyed this little diary entry from Hanna!
Enjoy cupcakes.
xx
