1. Learn guitar
2. Meet 5 Seconds Of Summer
3. Go to an All Time Low concert
4. Keep a diary
5. Kiss a band member
6. Write a song
7. Dance in the rain
8. Sleep on a hammock
9. Have a child
10. Pull an all-nighter
11. Date Harry Styles
12. Love someone
I slide the thin piece of paper under my matress, hiding it away.
I steal a quick glance at my guitar my dad bought me before he passed away. It's a light timber colour, capo resting on the neck of the quitar.
I've never played it, let alone tried to. It looks to complicated... I just don't think I'll be able to play a song on it.
Many things are running through my head. The feeling of sickness in my stomach has been there for days, almost a week.
I've stayed inside recently. I have no interest in the other world.
My world, is my room.
Sun shines through my windows and I cringe. How do I put up with this for so long?
I don't like the sun, it's too hot. You can't move without sweating . I'd much rather prefer rain.
Rain is too cold, it ruins everything.
Autumn, that's my season.
Where it's not too cold, nor too hot.
I let my brown hair fall in front of my face, covering my baby blue eyes.
My skin is pale and cold, as opposed to usual. Sometimes, I'd lose my breath.
I'm not sure if it's come back, it cant... I don't want it.
My mum smiles, standing at my doorway.
"Hanna, you have the appointment today, don't forget it!" My mum reminds me, entering my poster covered room from the hallway. "Don't do anything stupid. Be careful, alright?"
She plants a soft kiss on my forehead before leaving my room.
Doctors, my second home. I'm not complaining. Dr. Stevens gives me jelly beans every time I visit. He's great!
I sigh heavily, grabbing clothes and two towels for my 5 minute shower.
Shampooing and conditioning my hair, I wash my body. When my timer on my phone goes off, I turn the water off and step into the cold air. I shiver as the air hits my body.
I wrap a towel around my hair, another around my figure.
I dry myself off, slipping leggings on, a New York City shirt thrown over my head.
I was pretty skinny. It wasn't out of choice. Ever since I was expected to go see Dr. Stevens on a weekly basis, I started losing weight. I didn't try, I wasn't hungry, therefore barely ate.
The front door slams, pulling me from my thoughts. Knowing that my mum is out of the house, I apply a coat of mascara on my lashes.
After brushing my hair through, I tie it messily in a bun. I grab my house keys, my phone, my headphones and my bag.
Before I leave the house, I make sure to have my Myki. I need it, how else am I going to get to the doctors?
As if on cue, my bus arrives at the bus stop.
"Hey." The driver smiles, nodding in my direction.
I reply quickly and smile back, taking a seat on the empty bus.
"How's your day been?" The male driver asks me, occasionally looking back at me through the mirror.
"Alright, and yours?" I smile slightly, making eye contact in the small, rectangular mirror above his head.
"Not bad, where you off to?"
"Doctors." I reply blandly, almost ashamed of my where-abouts.
"Got a cold or something?" He asks me, turning the corner.
"Nah," I sigh, wishing it was only a cold.
"I won't ask anything else, have a good day." He smiles, nodding at me again as he drives off, leaving me outside the doctors.
"Hanna!" Kerry smiles, greeting me with a new card, a reminder for next weeks appointment.
"Hey Kerry, how've you been?" I smile, taking the card in my hand and slipping it in my pocket.
"Great! How about you?" Kerry replies, sending me a look of happiness.
"Not too bad" I smile, taking a seat in the almost empty waiting room.
Why is it so quiet? Why is everything so empty?
"Hanna?" Dr. Stevens smiles, greeting me with a pat on the back. "How've you been?" He asks once we get into his office.
"Great," I smile, a feeling of happiness bubbling in my stomach as he pulls out the jar of jelly beans.
I hold my hand out, Dr. Stevens placing a variety of colours in my hand.
I smile, bringing the black one to my mouth. I absolutely love black jelly beans. I have no idea why, I just do.
"How have you been feeling?" He asks me, just after I place a jelly bean in my mouth.
I chew on the lolly vigorously, eager to swallow it and reply to his question.
"Alright, I guess. I've been feeling really cold..." I shrug, waiting for more questions to come.
"And your appetite?"
"I'm not hungry." I reply simply, earning a strange noise from the doctor.
"We should check the test results don't you think?" Dr. Stevens smiles, clicking on random things on his computer.
I nod in agreement and wait impatiently for the results to pop up.
"Hmm... Hanna, I have some bad news..." He sighs heavily, turning to me and looking at me with sympathy in his eyes.
"What? What is it?" I wonder out loud, waiting for his response.
"Hanna, you've been diagnosed with leukemia."
I'm left shocked, thousands of thoughts running through my head. I can't tell my mum, she'll feel sorry for me, I don't want sympathy.
Holy fuck. I can't believe I actually got diagnosed with it.
"I'm so sorry..." Dr. Stevens apologizes, for something he didn't even cause.
"No, no it's not your fault..." I smile at him, for a second, thanking the cancer cells.
"It's not yours either. Sometimes, stuff like that just happens."
"I guess it does..."
----------------------------
First chapter is up!
I have a really good feeling about this book!
It might not seem like much now, but I'll try my hardest to make it work!
Enjoy!
xx
