Weeks later and I'm at home, skin ice cold, not energized enough to do anything.
The last 3 weeks have consisted of me going to doctor appointments, listening to music and sleeping.
"I don't like this. I hate this." I cry, tears falling from my eyes,
I scan my eyes around my room, walls covered in posters.
Pictures of One Direction members, mostly Harry are stuck on my wall.
He's so dreamy, his hair, his eyes, just him generally.
I requested that the doctors don't tell my mum about the cancer. They offered me chemo, I don't want it.
As stupid as it sounds, I don't want to get better.
I've been wanting this for years, I just never imagined it to be like this.
I'm not like everyone else, I try to be, but I'm not.
I've been suffering from depression for a few years, my mother never knew. She was barely home to notice what I've been going through.
The only thing that kept me sane was music. They understand me, the lyrics are so fucking true.
And now, I do have a reason to cry myself to sleep. Cancer. I've been diagnosed with fucking leukemia.
Now, I just have to wait. My clock is ticking.
Seconds by seconds, minutes by minutes, I'm dying. And I'm not going to help myself.
It might seem selfish, because people would kill to have treatment and I'm not getting it... I don't want it, they can have it.
I seem so cocky, saying all this stuff, confessing everything about me.
But, no one is going to remember it later, in a few months I'll be gone.
What about my mum? What is she going to do? Will she off herself?
She won't be able to live with herself, having a kid with cancer sucks. It must.
I'm only a teenager. I'm already dying.
I'm not going to experience anything, having children, getting married, nothing.
Sure, I can use my bucket list, but what happens when those things run out? Do I make a new list? Do I sit and do nothing everyday?
I unlock my phone, scrolling through my twitter. I come across a recent tweet of Harry's and decide on commenting on it.
Harry Styles: Great to be back in London with the fambam. x
harrysnip69: I love you! Follow me! xxo
I sigh and lock my phone, sliding down in my bed. My eyes flutter close, phone vibrating beside me.
I rush to unlock my phone. What if Harry followed me? Who am I kidding, he wouldn't follow someone like me. Look at my username... If anything, that'll turn him off.
NEW FOLLOWER:
@Harry_Styles
What? Harry can't be following me. No...
I find myself scrolling through my messages, texting my internet friend, Nicole about what just happened.
My phone vibrates, a message coming through. Once I read the name, I freak.
I try to keep my fangirl in, succeeding before I embarrass myself.
@Harry_Styles: Hey x
